Can I really do this?

Hi, I'm 40 years old and after a serious binge last week I'm now at day 4 of abstinence from MO and PMO. I really want to do this. I've set myself an ambitious target of 90 days as I figured that is a long enough period of time to truly reap the benefits and readjust my brain.

The reasons for doing this are linked to ED which is having a real negative impact on my marriage and the confidence of my wife. But also depression, guilt, tiredness and a lack of focus and appreciation for life and others. I now recognise all of this as serious side effects of MO and PMO.

My only concern is, it's all I've known. Following early sexual abuse I've been on an escalating spiral of MO since the age of 7 and graduated to serious and ever more extreme PMO throughout my adult life. It's all I've known, it's been my stress relief too, rather like cigarettes used to be.

So, any advice and support appreciated.