Can't fail again, embarrassed.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Willp0wer, Feb 7, 2016.

  1. Willp0wer

    Willp0wer Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    Today will be the start of a new challenge for me. I want to start off with 20 days NoFap and hope to extend it from there.

    Long story short, I started on this website a few months ago, and boy did I make some good progress at first....I had a streak of about 6-7 days I believe, followed by another of 4 and then.... I had the relapse of all relapses.

    Needless to say it was incredibly embarrassing.

    Post relapse to now, I averaged masturbating 2-4x daily.

    Suffered from lack of confidence, and of course weekly anxiety caused either by my daily claustrophobic NYC commute or smoking weed.

    Despite these serious obstacles, I somehow managed to pull through various sexual conquests all with varied experiences. Some mediocre, others just plain bad, my most embarrassing being two days ago.

    Lost my erection 3 minutes in.....unfortunately it was with a co-worker too haha so hopefully I won't gain a new nickname around the office.

    One year ago I was not this way, and whether it be mental or porn induced, I see myself losing control of sexual desire and potency.

    Anyways, I wish to stop not only for my sexual health, but also for my willpower, and strength that it takes to persevere.

    To whomever may read this, please, encourage me, support me, and inform me of your journey as well.

    It will be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. Willp0wer

    Willp0wer Fapstronaut

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    Day 2 down. Nothing to report.
     
  3. law3r9

    law3r9 Fapstronaut

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    Best of luck man, the struggle is not easy. I relapsed on day 17 and masturbated 2 days in a row. I feel embarrassed that I lost the self control. I guess we just need to keep trying and learn from our mistakes and just avoid the triggers. prior to relapsing I made sure my day was always packed with activity and I started working out and reading books. I thought I was strong enough to stay at home alonewithout feeling that kind of temptation and I was wrong. Day 17 I had pain due to blue balls because I was on the phone with a girl and the conversation turned naughty. I exercised through the pain doing stretches and it seemed to help but for some reason I was horny throughout the rest of the day and the pain kept coming back. and on day 18th I gave up, watched porn and masturbated when I found myself home alone.
     
    Willp0wer likes this.
  4. Willp0wer

    Willp0wer Fapstronaut

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    damn dude, 17 days though is phenomenal. You went 17 days thats huge, start it back up and keep it going till this bad habit is kicked completely. Pave the way and Show me its possible!
     
  5. Alex10s

    Alex10s Fapstronaut

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    Good luck,
     
    Willp0wer likes this.
  6. Willp0wer

    Willp0wer Fapstronaut

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    day 3 down.

    Stayed so busy, didn't even think about masturbating. Happy, however, as always the first days are always the easiest.

    I will be so frustrated if I fail again. Like literally, I can't do it again.

    Just need to keep reminding myself why I'm doing this in the first place. And no watching, theres no such thing as watching one video. If I watch just a little bit or log on to see whats new well, the result is always predictable.

    Let me make this time different.

    Good luck everyone.
     
  7. Willp0wer

    Willp0wer Fapstronaut

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    Good morning guys,

    Today will be a milestone but it will be done. Skipped my morning ritual of gym in the morning and will be in the house later this afternoon as well.

    I know for a fact that I don't want to relapse. I am stronger.
     
  8. Always remember there is always a choice, choose to be the strong master instead of the weak slave to the mind and body!
     
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  9. Willp0wer

    Willp0wer Fapstronaut

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    Amen. Luckily this day is over. Will be up for a few more hours but today is not the day I fail.

    Got home and while I am not having strong physical urges. The thought of masturbating is definitely lingering in my mind.

    Scary...

    Long day tomorrow where I will be alone in the house after work. Can't afford to slip, must be strong.
     
  10. Willp0wer

    Willp0wer Fapstronaut

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    Wow just went through my old posts on this site and I have just surpassed my longest streak ever.

    Amazing. I'm determined to continue making it through and I must remember. The feeling isn't as good as I remember it, that will be my mind playing tricks on me. i know what I really want deep down and that is not to masturbate. May I continue to be strong.
     
    silverlukas likes this.
  11. silverlukas

    silverlukas Fapstronaut

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  12. Believe in yourself. You can do it!
     
  13. Willp0wer

    Willp0wer Fapstronaut

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    Unfortunately, today last night, Friday I relapsed.

    Without getting into too much detail, I came across a rated R post from there and it escalated. I had every chance to stop myself and the progression, even coming to this site, however, in the end I lost to my desire.

    Very pathetic. The last time this happened, I was so embarrassed I completely stopped posting updates here.

    What I refuse to do however is to wallow in regret and self pity, and let that lead to more relapses, multiple relapses. No. Rather I will pick up exactly where I left off.

    6 days, I was so close to 7!

    Next week will be the week. Watch.
     
  14. Willp0wer

    Willp0wer Fapstronaut

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    Good day.

    Treated myself to a nice rib Eye steak, and lamb chop. Cleaned the apartment and went to the gym.

    I was really set on seeing this girl tonight, but she cancelled on me, and i am in the apartment alone...all night.

    Despite this, I'm in a pretty good mood, and my resolve is strong today. I know what I want, and that is not to masturbate.

    Here is to a productive night, goodnight my friends, have fun.
     
  15. Fighter834

    Fighter834 Fapstronaut

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    All relapses happen for a reason. It sounds like your heart is in the right places when I look at your previous posts. But something is leading to your relapses that you need to figure out. Maybe you need more barriers to keep tempation and triggers at bay. Maybe you need an accountability partner. Whatever it is. You clearly need it to get past this hurdle. You can continue to follow this path of success followed by relapse and repeat. Or you can learn from them and make drastic changes (which are clearly necessary) to change this path. Best of luck brother. Keep fighting ;)
     
  16. Willp0wer

    Willp0wer Fapstronaut

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    Hey man I think you're right.

    Relapsed tonight twice. Is it a lack of true motivation? I don't know but I'm so tired of ending up in the same position.

    It's very embarrassing to keep coming on here, failing over and over again, especially when I know the whole community is rooting for me to succeed. But by admitting my failures here, I think it is a step in the right direction, so I will continue to post.

    Any advice for how to figure it all out? It's not even random urges, these last two days its just been me coming across something while browsing the internet that triggers it all for me. And due to the nature of my work, I can't possibly even consider cutting internet usage out as an option.

    I need drastic change, I need to stop. I'm so tired of losing the same battle over and over again.
     
  17. I can definitely relate. I've recently been relapsing over and over, which is why I decided to start a new journal. I often reset after I let my urge grow. It then just flicks an autopilot switch, and without even thinking I just PMO. I only regret it afterwards. I think the main thing here is to prevent a snowball effect. The reset where you came across that R-Rated post is an example of that. You should try installing some anti-sexual content software or turn on Google safe search to prevent you come across posts like that. If you do find yourself in the snowball effect, try and break out of it by getting of the computer, getting a glass of water and doing exercises/something you enjoy.
     
  18. law3r9

    law3r9 Fapstronaut

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    I can relate to what you're saying. It's been really frustrating, after i've relapsed a couple of times this week after a long streak. Motivation is way down than before and I realize on thing, it's always the result of being on my cell phone too much. I've taken enough precaution om the laptop to make sure I avoid R-rated content but my phone is the problem. I'm trying to get off social media now coz that's the root cause for my relapse. I'll see some nudity or video and before I realize it leads me to porn and then masturbation. Best of luck bros. We cant give up!
     
  19. law3r9

    law3r9 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, but after that streak its been pretty disappointing. Longest since that time has been 4 days. I'm trying different things like avoiding social media and staying off the phone especially at night (even though I'm using it now lol) .Really difficult to do but I'm 3 days in now trying this way to measure the results. Hopefully I can surpass the 17 days
     
  20. Willp0wer

    Willp0wer Fapstronaut

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    Found a trigger an
    Just got home from a long day at work and began to browse through some usual websites....Worldstarhiphop, Tmz, etc, etc...

    Little before long I found myself on a website featuring girls in yoga pants lol..... Thinking a little bit back now both days of my relapsed were triggered by content or advertisements on TMZ.

    Happy I didn't lose control today and PMO, also happy that I found one more thing to eliminate from my daily routine. This will help me in my goal to 14.
     
    Fighter834 likes this.

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