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Constantly on porn, finding women for nudes, loosing my emotions

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Darius1515, Sep 10, 2020.

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  1. Sep 10, 2020 #1
    Darius1515

    Darius1515 New Fapstronaut

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    I just made this account so I never loose track of this heinous, wretched, despicable feeling. I have an amazing gorgeous girlfriend who is the world to me. Sadly we are long distance and she is not into sending nudes etc too much. As a result of this my disgusting vile selfish self has used this within my head as a justification for my dirty perverted behaviours. I find girls on dating apps and trade pictures with them and masterbating to girls I find online. I have become almost addicted to camsex and my girlfriend is beginning to see I view her differently and don't give her the respect a woman of her calibre deserves. I hate myself. I just realised right now looking at myself objectively whilst persuing another female just for nudes how disgusting and pathetic I am. I hate myself and I hate myself more for tormenting such a phenomenal loving girl for my dirty desires. A real man controls them. I will change. I will improve. I will treat her how she deserves. I ask the Lord for a second chance. I will repent. I am not religious but I do believe in God. This pornographic fog has destroyed who I am. I don't even know myself. I used to be the popular pompous loud confident fella. Now I don't speak to a soul and masterbate to online imagery which stimulates me for a split few minutes. I have a girl who loves me and has stuck by me despite these dirty behaviours and the only person left who cares about me is slowly being turned off by these behaviours. I hope everyone reading this with me will rise and change our ways. This whole jargon is straight from my heart. The heart of a man who wants to change, but by whatever reason chooses not to. Today is when I take back control. Today is when I fight the disgusting pictures and pornographic material I chase after like a fierce hungry lion going after a plump zebra. I want to be a real man. A real man fights his desires and gets what he wants after that wait. Time to recontrol. Time to reclaim. Thank you for anyone who read this. Please share your thoughts... Whatever springs to mind.
     
    Darius1515, Sep 10, 2020
    Darius1515, Sep 10, 2020
    #1
    Aaronblack2140, Paul Newman and Paramount like this.
  2. Sep 10, 2020 #2
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    I hear you deeply, man. I just started on here today too because I've never felt so disgusted with myself. It's so hard, I feel like crying all the time. The only think I can think is that if there's anything good that might come out of this, maybe the amount of disgust we feel right now is what will drive us to finally stop. Stay on it, man. Please. Don't ruin a good relationship over masturbation. God knows I'm terrified that I'm doing the same thing right now. Good luck.
     
    Deleted Account, Sep 10, 2020
    Deleted Account, Sep 10, 2020
    #2
    Paramount likes this.
  3. Dec 23, 2020 #3
    Celtíbero98

    Celtíbero98 Fapstronaut

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    hey man, I've actually been through that same shit (pardon my English, not native) and I know the feeling you're going through right now. That shame and self-hate after you've orgasmed to a random girl when you already have a real one that loves you is one of the worst feelings I've ever had, and it was hard to quit for me though. Your will has to be stronger than your primal desires of fast dopamine, I guess you might be stressed or spending too much time at home as it happened to be my situation.
     
    Celtíbero98, Dec 23, 2020
    Celtíbero98, Dec 23, 2020
    #3

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