Cope with sexual fantasies

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Alex9592, Nov 21, 2017.

  1. Alex9592

    Alex9592 New Fapstronaut

    After 10 day's without PMO, I have started experiencing sexual fantasies/images with pornstars/models that I've been addicted to. Can someone please give me an advice on how to cope with this?
    The most insecure part of the day(when I feel exposed to this fantasies) is morning or late evening when I came home tired after work.
  2. Jack York

    Jack York Fapstronaut

    I've heard that meditation can help clear your mind, even just breathing exercises. just to help to try and calm your mind. the more you think "don't fantasize" the more you will. ever been told not to touch something? you immediately want to.

    also try to keep busy. I know it's easier said than done but read a book, play a video game, walk, watch tv, something's better than PMO. just to try and keep you pre-occupied until it's time to go bed and sleep. and only go bed when you are tired as not to prolong the time when you will be vulnerable.

    Also, remember that these fantasies are a passing fancy. it may take a few moments, or an hour, but they will go eventually. just keep at it :D
    Alex 623, Alex9592 and Gotham Outlaw like this.
  3. Gotham Outlaw

    Gotham Outlaw Fapstronaut

    I had this too early on. Be preemptive and distract yourself before these thoughts can get in your head. After about a month and a half I didn't really feel have urges for porn women anymore.
  4. Sleeperhead

    Sleeperhead Fapstronaut

    The first thing is to control your diet. What you eat and sexual desire are linked. Those who have fasted know what a huge difference controlling your diet can make. As a general rule no meat, no spices, no onions, no sugar, no coffee and no dairy. You want to be eating whole food like fruit, vegetables, nuts etc. Eating late and eating too much food are big no nos as well.

    As for actually dealing with urges, the simple answer is you don't. You don't do anything. You remain indifferent. You don't react to them. Once you realise you are having urges you allow them to be, but not get caught up them. When you react to urges, you perpetuate them. By allowing them to exist they are allowed to go. If you cut them off by thinking about something else that is called sexual repression, which ultimately ends in failure. Learn to tolerate them.
    fapstraunaut90, Tryingto and slitebg like this.
  5. pathetic guy

    pathetic guy Fapstronaut

    The AM hours are a trigger to me. I've been trying to limit my internet time to 1/2 hour. Checking this site, current news; and then off line.

    Our brains are twisted. Continue to do the right thing.
    slitebg likes this.
  6. Midu Riex

    Midu Riex Fapstronaut

    Thankyou pal for this amazing answer. But im confused. My fantasies ae about my ex and she looks completely dif in my head. Like she had multiple surgeries of her inner parts. The biggest problem is I can block apps on android but I don't need a phone to M. How do I control my desires and fantasies when Im alone in my bed? I was adviced to keep my mobole and tissues away but how do I compete with thw urge?
  7. Midu Riex

    Midu Riex Fapstronaut

    I suffer the same thing. Its 9 days I stopped PM.
    I keep the phone and tissues/napkin out of my bedroom but I have started getting uncontrollable urges. I have a problem that I can fantasize and fap without any device.
    I cant control my urge and Im scared of relapsing. How to control the urge at that very moment?
  8. Jack York

    Jack York Fapstronaut

    Put yourself in a different situation. That’s what’s worked for me so far. Be in public, or in an open area. Urges do pass. I know it seems like it’s buildin but they do go eventually
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. @Jack York is right. Changing the situation changes your mind. It's as though the situation incubates PMO urges. Putting yourself in different surroundings, doing different things, is a good way to steer clear of relapsing.
    FormerFapaholic and Jack York like this.
  10. What @Misneach said:"Changing the situation changes your mind. It's as though the situation incubates PMO urges. Putting yourself in different surroundings, doing different things, is a good way to steer clear of relapsing." Quitting porn is a lifestyle change. You are not just changing that one habit, you are changing your life habits, and how you feel. You are giving up the dopamine high you have gotten, many times a day, for years. Via porn, you have been walking through life high, then coming down, then getting high again, on an endless loop. When you quit porn, you have to come off that loop. On porn, that dopamine high is your normal. You have to find a new normal, and that means new life patterns. Quitting porn means giving up that dopamine loop, and living without that constant dopamine high. One of the biggest things you are going to have to do, and this is painful, is getting out of your solitary comfort zone, and reconnecting with humanity. That means you need to get out of wherever the addiction was happening for you, and get out to where people are. I know, sucks, just do it.

    Porn addiction can be overcome. You can become unaddicted. But, to do that, you have to become self aware. You have to understand the how and why of porn addiction. Porn addiction has only existed since the invention of High Speed Internet Porn. Before that, we liked porn, "we" being humanity, because we liked sexual thoughts. But, before the invention of High Speed Internet Porn, we were limited in how many sexual thoughts we could have. Playboy, for instance, was finite. It had a page one, and and an ending page, and no matter how much we found the images in it interesting, it was finite, and, eventually, the interest we found in that one magazine faded. High Speed Internet Porn allows for the endless search for never before seen images, and never before thought sexual thoughts. We obtain a dopamine rush from sexual thoughts. Perfectly healthy and normal. It is just that with the invention of High Speed Internet Porn, we have figured out a way to have non stop hyper sexual thoughts, which leads to a non stop dopamine rush, that is addictive.

    For porn addict quitting, it is not just about quitting watching porn. During the quitting phase, the reboot, we have to avoid all thoughts that lead to a dopamine rush, and that means eliminating, or, at least, minimizing, sexual thoughts. Probably impossible to completely eliminate them, but, you can plan in advance, as in now, on those thoughts coming into your head, literally your brain, and how to minimize them, so as to reduce your dopamine reaction. This is where a distraction technique becomes useful.

    My distraction technique sounds stupid, but it worked for me. During the reboot, in order to avoid a two second sexual thought from becoming a twenty minute, dopamine drenched, sex opera, in my head, I would make a clicking sound with my tongue, and think "no no no". That worked for me. I had to do that a lot, in the beginning, to alter the way I coped with sexual thoughts. What you are, really, attempting to do is avoid a dopamine high, which you can get from sexual thoughts, alone. During the reboot that is helpful, and necessary, because what you are weaning yourself from is the dopamine high that you have become addicted to. You need to develop your own distraction technique. It will not be like this for the rest of your life. Once you have rebooted you will desensitize to the dopamine high of artificial sexual stimulation. But, during the hard 90, and for some, longer, this method will assist you in quitting.

    I hope this helps.

  11. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    This is a brilliant reply @Sleeperhead. When I get into a fight with urges, I enter into active relationship with urges. And whenever I get into active relationship with urges - well, the outcome is not what I am trying to cultivate and strengthen here!

    My recovery sponsor has this to say on the subject: Learn that these are sometimes part of your life - a part you do not have to act on.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  12. fapstraunaut90

    fapstraunaut90 Fapstronaut

    This is one amazing post with great insight. Thank you for explaining the concept behind dopamine rush and also giving a technique. Although I had my own but I'll try yours as well..kinda got bored with mine :p.
    Congratulations on 500+ days. Really inspiring.
    Tryingto likes this.
  13. Alex9592

    Alex9592 New Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your advice! Will use this technique. I see that this problem with dopamine 'jumps' has become serious. I'm experiencing discomfort/low blood pressure in the morning sometimes because this triggering me just after I wake up. Also some hurtful memories can sometimes cause this
    Deleted Account likes this.
  14. Devil's Details

    Devil's Details Fapstronaut

    Great advice.

    Kind of confused about this. Wouldn't an improved diet increase his sex drive and fantasies rather than reduce them?

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