Desperately struggling to move forward

If it were me, I’d run, knowing what I know now. He said he stopped the first time, did he? No. The reason? He’s an addict, they can’t just stop. Heck most can’t stop even with help and losing their jobs, kids, marriage. How far has he gone? Does he go to chat rooms, browse escort sites, meet people irl. Does he have de, pied? He won’t even join an on line group? That doesn’t sound like someone trying to stop. What do you want him to do? What do you want? Only statistics I can find say 5% get clean. I know my husband goes to counseling, goes to 3 sa group meetings a week, journals, does homework for the meetings, has accountability partners, takes a polygraph any time I require and told his boss so he could put blockers on all devices including work ones. Even with all this, in a year and half he’s slipped up/relapsed 3 times. He knows that I’m done. 33 year relationship, and he still struggles. He is going to lose everything that he loves because he can’t stay clean. That is the reality of this addiction. The other reality, when in a relationship with an addict, you will be the only one trying, you will be married but alone. You will do life by yourself but yoked to someone who can’t do life without his addiction. You will not understand what is happening as you slowly lose the one you love. You will see it, but have no idea why it is the way it is. I cannot adequately describe what it feels like to be married to a porn addict. It only gets far worse if they cannot get into recovery. Recovery takes a lot of time and work, it doesn’t just happen. Educate yourself on the brain changes, read the journals of the guys on here who have been trying to quit for decades. Then decide, what do you want? What kind of life do you want to have? Can you live with this addiction ? Do what’s best for you.

 

I concur.......


I’m sorry. It looks a lot like how my relationship started to get at the very beginning of discovery. Two years later and I can only that that it’s changed me, but has he changed? Well, If he were around here to answer that, he’d be doing better than I’ve yet to see ........besides many attempts to fake recovery. You can tell it’s not real. You will know when and IF there’s a reason to trust him.

it gets worse.

never doubt your instinct. Start rediscovering your true self and nurture it, cause she’s all you’ve really got.