Determinated to quit femdom porn

Hi dear community!

I have started using this forum to get rid of my femdom porn habit. I would like to share with you my history. I am not sure but maybe there is some spoiler. I would try to announce it.

The first memory I have doing kinky stuff was when I was very young.

Spoiler: young experiences

Probably I was 6 years old?? I remember proposing to my neighbour (another young girl) trampling me while I was holding a big book with my stomach. After that I remember that my primary teacher invite us to smell our feet at night (probably she has a foot fetish too LOL). after that I remember smelling dirty girls pants in the toilet, smelling girl shoes and drinking my own pee.

All these experiences was very young and before any porn contact.

Once internet arrived to my life as a teenager I started to watch a lot of femdom porn for hours. I used to edging for hours. Then, I progressively started watching more hardcore stuff. To sum up, let say, from foot fetish to BDSM, pegging, water games, even scat...

I wasn't able to realize that I have a problem until I have difficulties to get and erection with girls. With regular partners was most of the time ok, but with new girls was not good. Probably because a mix of anxiety and lack of interested in regular sex and desensitized because of porn. However I never linked this to my masturbation habit. I was able to separate from my femdom fantasies at home to my sexual life with girls. I can't remember exactly how I arrive to this and reboot site. But I read some of Nofap blogs and there was a clink. Of course I was ruining my sexual life because of my addiction!

Then I decided to make something with this. It was too much pain and shame because of my dysfunctional erection. I started to take some supplements as L-Arginine to do a better perform during intercourse. And most important, I stopped watching any kind of porn. But the reality was that it wasn't so easy. From time to time I have a big urge to masturbate watching femdom videos. I was able to develop will power during some weeks or months but I always finish reading some more vanilla stuff as info about chastity, or info about prostate massage... which lead me to watching femdom porn.

Some years ago, I was dating a girl with whom we made a lot of femdom stuff. It was great, and I enjoyed, but at the same time I felt it wasn't right. Because we chat a lot by the internet too, I stopped watching porn. However I didn't realize it was another way of satisfying my addiction. Finally I broke up because of this and other matters. The point is that because this was "real" experiences I find my self thinking about it and my mind start to become difficult to control.

Nowadays I have another couple and I am really happy with her. We do some control games but not to much into femdom. We also change roles. For me is perfect because I don't want to go ahead but at the same time I have some domination fun. Here I send a open question because I don't know if this is correct. I mean, On one hand I think there is not nothing bad with any sexual desire as long as it doesn't become and addiction. I have to admit that all this fetish/kinky/domination desires are in me since I was a child or knew about the term of femdom. On the other hand, because of my addiction is difficult to just enjoy them freely without any "second effect". I doubt that if this is on my because of my nature or any really young experience I can just get rid of it. Or maybe yes?

Currently my porn femdom habit is keep on track but not free of it. I can be without watching for weeks or months and I cant remember but it was a long time since I don't ejaculate or edge. The last period I didn't watch or read anything related to femdom was one month (until yesterday). I was able not to masturbate.

Spoiler: what I did

I only did some strokes. But I spent a lot of time watching, pinch my nipples and massage my prostate.

I don't know if I will be able some day to get rid this desires of domination and humiliation. With any doubt my erection problem is better when I don't masturbate or see porn.

If you have any tip, experience or word to share, I was grateful to listen to.

I edit it because I forget to write about the positives steps an what help me. I meditate daily twenty minutes, I do yoga two times per week, I love to travel by bike, I love to be with friends, I have a strong confidence. I have also download a habit's app trying to keep me on control.

I have observed that the problem comes when I spent too much time working on the computer and I am bored and I have had some mental fantasies before. Then I become weak...

 

Link to my journal: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/90-days-free-femdom-porn.127731/

 

Dear D.J.,

Thanks for your welcoming. As the more basic level I have blocked porn content by a DNS blocker as Norton. Although I have to check another one because working with a FTP client as Filezilla there are some webs I can't transfer archives unless I change the DNS to automatically. I also have a Firefox porn blocker in the mobile phone.

During the day I try to maintain a high level of activity working. I also do yoga twice per week and meditate every day twenty minutes on the morning.

At a more intagible layer, once I understood the relation between the porn and the erectile dysfunction episodes, was a turning point to stop watching femdom videos. So the commitment of getting over this, made me stop stroking almost 90% of the time while a watch porn. I can really remember when was the last time I ejaculate watching porn. However maybe is worse because I edge for a long time. And because edging and chastity is a regular practice of femdom world, I suppose it's not good at all. It's true that as longer I am able to stay away from porn, once I watch again this femdom videos I see that I didn't get aroused unless I stroke it.

Recently I have installed an app related to build habits, so I will keep on track my releases while I build beneficial ones.