I am 32 yo. I never felt like a "man" or like a "boy" in childhood. I actually rather hated boys my age, was quite shy and feminine. I hated them for their mannerisms, for their lack of consideration to others, for their courage, for their "not giving a fuck" attitude, for them bullying me and so on. I resented them when i saw them hitting on girls, i thought that was "disrespectful". Come to think of it, even if i don't believe at all in this "transgenderism" thing, i was more like an a-gender or like an androgyn. I was obviously not a girl because thankfully in those times that political stuff didn't exist, but i was definitely acting like a girl and NOT acting like a boy. Later, when i grew up, i couldn't hit on girls, i was actually acting like a girl and i was waiting for them to hit on me. I couldn't make a move. I couldn't even kiss a girl when she expressly showed me she wants me to. I started crying, lol. Then I went to escorts to "prove" to myself i am a man, frustrated by the fact that most of my peers had girlfriends. I went to many escorts over the course of 5 years and all of my efforts were to be a macho man. Impressing them was validating my own ego. I was also addicted to competitive games and i was compulsively trying to get higher in rank and hated when i lost. I was also extremely scrawny, both as a kid and as an adult. I never got in a fight and i would've probably lost most fights with an equal opponent anyway. All things combined, i was feeling like i was at the absolute bottom of social hierarchy. Basically, what i'm trying to say is that i never felt like a "man" and i think i used to PMO so much to prove to myself i am a man, because only a real "man" has sex (it wasn't sex, but masturbation, however in my mind i clinged to the feeling i was getting during masturbation). PMOing made me feel like i was THE man, even though i obviously wasn't, i was just a wanker, the complete opposite of a man. The question for you is Did you ever feel like a "man" and do you relate to parts of this post?