Discussion.

Please reply if you have any information either it was personal or it's based on science.

My case :
I'm addicted to PMO more than 10 or 11 years now since I was 12 or 15 now I'm 25 years old.
First time I watched porn it was for female organ I didn't know what it was only after long time I realised what it was.

I had about 2 streaks before that I reached 60 days and I'm usually between 28 and 45 days.

I underwent a sexual abuse when I was child it was by rubbing his sexual organs to mine.

I was having OCD since I was child but I didn't realize it was a disease only recently.

I went 2 times to psychiatrist and the final one is the most accurate diagnosis. I'm having OCD and Borderline personality disorder. I was taking flavouxmine 200mg daily at night and I noticed improvement in obsessions but increasing in the frequency of PMO maximum once every 10 days, and it was always by binging for hours.

In addition to , I noticed I started to be addicted to the medication, so about 30 days I stopped medication suddenly to have a huge withdrawal symptoms lasted about 15 days.

My porn habit,
First I started to watch usual porn and I didn't like the idea of (there is a male in the movie) ,so I was watching more solo girls till I discovered lesbian and I started to binge in lesbian. Maybe one time in my life I watch(intentionally) some gif of bestiality(sex with animal ) but it was so disgusting and also maybe very few times of BDSM but it wasn't alos my type only lesbian and solo girls.
In the last few years I started to look at something more extreme I still like lesbian but I needed something different so I started to watch some (transwoman with girls) or (solo transwoman) (I still till now can't accept the idea of male in the movie)

My Masturbation Habit:
I was masturbating long before the porn and I was masturbating 5 or 6 times at one day for everyday. That was when I was early in middle school. Then I discovered porn.
I was masturbating with soap as lube but later in the last 5 or 6 years I stopped using sope and I started to masturbate without any lubricant and with hard and different strengths. Sometimes I was hitting my peins to stiff things ex(bathroom sink )while it was erected. Sometimes I was holding it with my hand so hard and rubbing it with this strength as someone hurting other one but I was doing for myself because I need to feel more intensity.

My erection strength:

When I was child I was having erection any time in the day and if I didn't masturbate only for 2 days the third day I would have a strong rigid erection.

When I started to get older the erection started to get weaker and weaker. And sometimes if there's no erection I still want to PMO and enjoy and I was doing PMO even if there's weak and flobby erection. I think I had multiple times during my previous streaks where there's no erection at all maybe it was flatline or something else I don't know anything anymore.

My emotional state:
Since I started to do nofap without even knowing of nofap I started to notice changes in my emotions I started to feel the desire of emotional partner and I was single all of this time , I was in multiple relationships but It didn't continue.


In the last couple years,
I decided to cure myself from everything psychological problems and PMO,so I started to search and go to psychiatrists but as I mentioned above what medication did to me.

In the last few months (maybe 6 months),
I started to notice what medication is doing to me and my PMO habit and my erection during PMO is also weak and I can't stop thinking when will I watch porn again?
So, I stopped everything and I can't accept the idea of being slave for anything and I was slave for PMO for long time and in the same time I can't accept to be this fucking weak dude again.

Today is the
22nd day of no porn
14th day of no masturbation
About the 30th day of no medication

And I noticed some days i have a weak morning wood and other days I don't have anything at all, it was completely absent during the last few months because of the excessive PMO,when I see a pretty girl all I'm thinking about I want to fuck her or(maybe I'm forcing my self to think about her in this way to test my erection) although I don't have erection which is disappointing. I'm no longer feel I'm attached emotionally to anyone or anything. Maybe if watched some bad news in YouTube about children of war or something else I may cry but I'm not emotionally connected to any body or precisely I don't want to get involved emotionally with any girl at all, sometimes ,I may like talking to them but not emotionally.
Currently,
I'm taking omega-3 DHA 1000mg, vit d 10000 iu ,vit b12, vitamin c1000mg and zinc.
And I was doing
50 push ups
50 crunches
50 leg raises
50 glute bridge
30-40 squats
But I stopped because I'm having common cold these days. And when I have time I study anything related to my field or data analysis
Next month I'm going to the gym.

I'm having the obsession that I'm never going to heal and my body won't heal and my erectile dysfunction will never heal although I'm sometimes suspect if I'm really having pied or it just because my excessive PMO and my psychological state. In addition to I'm always feel irritable, anxious and I'm having racing mind and sometimes I can't sit in my place. I'm extremely sensitive to anger and I may explode if anyone talked to me.
In addition to the idea of suicide that I know I won't do because of my religious beliefs.
My family brought my a beautiful, lovely and kind bride to marry but I don't want to get involved emotionally with any girl as I said.
I'm also sensitive to talking if I read or heard anything negative i feel it's about me. If I read about erectile dysfunction related to physical problems I might start to fear from this physical problems although I know I don't have such a thing.
Now, I'm in the lowest rock bottom of my life.

What's your comment does anyone had a similar problem and healed ? how long will I be like that ?