Does each attempt get more difficult?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by SaturnDaytona456, Jun 29, 2020.

  1. SaturnDaytona456

    SaturnDaytona456 Fapstronaut

    119
    101
    43
    I've had two 30+ day streaks this year, but I've had trouble getting a third. I'm at day 8 now and it's never been this difficult before, I'm curious if it gets more difficult each time and what I should expect. This is my first year even trying to cut back. Thanks.
     
  2. Arnuld

    Arnuld Fapstronaut

    302
    455
    63
    No. It gets easier. The less you do it over time the easier it gets to not do it. Really it’s all relative to how often you used to do it before you quit. For example for most of my adult life I used 1-2x per day at least 5 days per week. Since I went into recovery five years ago I have probably used on average 4-6 times per month. That used to be two and a half week days. I have had many streaks of 1-2 months. Recovery is not an all or nothing event. It’s a process. Going 30 days is incredible for a serious user. Going 8 is 8x better than going one. It takes time. Progress not perfection. With the end goal still being to not use anymore.
     
    Srisurya, WesternWolf, vril and 4 others like this.
  3. SaturnDaytona456

    SaturnDaytona456 Fapstronaut

    119
    101
    43
    Well I blew it. I can't believe I made it past the last three days the urges have been so bad. I didn't get as bad of urges the first couple times I built up a streak! The first week or two were difficult but nowhere near this difficult. I'm getting urges that last all damn day and I've even started taking cold showers. I have no idea what to do, as my fetishes are getting worse and more destructive/dangerous. I'm reading this book on overcoming them but I'm always afraid it will trigger an urge when I read (Because it has before) UGH.. So, I'm curious what porn blocking software exists for mac (I have system 10.8.5) My current software (SelfControl) only lasts for a day and can be overridden at any time which to me makes it pointless. In addition to using blocking software I am planning to do affirmations and I guess I have no idea what else to try considering I get exercise (jogging) almost every night and avoid being at home by working full time. I suppose I have no other option than to try and forgive myself but porn isn't like other vices, I've given up sugar/carbs, caffeine, and nicotine all cold turkey but the porn desire is like a deep itching burn I can't describe. It affects my heartrate when there is a really bad urge, I have never experienced something similar. I just don't know what to do to have a real fighting chance. I was so sure I would make it to day 20 or more again. Damn it.
     
  4. Sir Thomas Browne

    Sir Thomas Browne Fapstronaut

    27
    18
    18
    Thanks for this, bro.

    This type of pragmatism you're espousing has always been my view, but it's difficult sometimes to find dudes here with the same balanced and moderate opinions.

    I think, especially at the beginning, harm reduction is just as important a goal as total abstinence.
     
    Arnuld and ShogunGeneral like this.
  5. UnitedWeStand

    UnitedWeStand Fapstronaut

    134
    129
    43
    Fighting addiction is like working out. Every time it gets easier if you do the proper things..
     
    Arnuld likes this.
  6. ShogunGeneral

    ShogunGeneral Fapstronaut

    28
    38
    13
    I agree too. Its one reason I don't keep a counter. The way I look at it is say you get a 100 day streak and blow it... then get another 100 day streak. Guess what you youve basically gone 200 days only fapping once which is something 99.999999 % of all men wouldnt be able to do. I keep a log and look back on it after the year. You can see... last year I pmo'd five times vs. the years before I started NoFap where I'd PMO at least 365 times. That's a huge improvement vs throwing in the towel because you needed to reset your counter after a bad night online.
     
  7. Arnuld

    Arnuld Fapstronaut

    302
    455
    63
    I keep my counter going as a reminder but I think a broader version is a better idea. Right now you see my counter at 9 days. But if you saw my last 5 years compared to 22 before I entered recovery you would see massive improvement. You only fail when you stop trying to quit.
     
    ShogunGeneral likes this.
  8. Arnuld

    Arnuld Fapstronaut

    302
    455
    63
    Pick yourself off dust yourself off and get back on the horse. Remember also that porn is like cocaine. What once got you high will not always get you high in the future. Moving into destructive and dangerous genres is like getting into crack cocaine or crystal meth. It’s 3rd degree black belt porn addict territory. Believe me I’ve been there. And believe me it does not get better if you stay down that path. The first 21-60 days are going to be really hard. Especially the first 14-21. I use a trick sometimes that my therapist taught me that may help. I give myself permission to act out tomorrow but today I’m going to stay sober. It seems simple but it works. You just roll one day into the next.
     
    need4realchg and WesternWolf like this.
  9. vril

    vril Fapstronaut

    19
    25
    13
    The main thing I've found is to learn from each time. It's been interesting to see how my beliefs have changed about porn, masturbation, and sexuality over time. I try to be objective with myself, because beating myself up is a primary trigger to use porn. I have noticed after a relapse, though, that it can be really difficult for me to stop for the next couple weeks. Kind of like a binge.

    I've thought about keeping track of time and how that can be an issue. I think this is where mindfulness can be a helpful skill, because essentially you learn to stay in the present moment observing whatever physical, emotional, or mental events you are experiencing without acting upon them-- and ultimately you realize that whatever you are experiencing is not going to last. Keeping track of time can be motivating, but this appears to be a recurring issue with just about everyone. This expectation starts to build that you have to release or you will go crazy or something. I think it is all in one's head. Technically, not using porn on day 3 is no different than not using porn on day 57 or 103. There isn't anything that could happen that requires me to use porn or masturbate.

    I had a problem using porn blocking software because I live alone and could just shut it off whenever I wanted. I signed up for Covenant Eyes and have the software on every device. You need an ally. In my case, my ally is a devout Catholic guy who gets daily screenshots of what I am viewing. Frankly, just the thought of this guy getting a report that I looked at porn has been enough to prevent me from even considering it. The screenshots are blurred, but I wouldn't want to take the chance of scandalizing him.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  10. Sir Thomas Browne

    Sir Thomas Browne Fapstronaut

    27
    18
    18
    I agree with you, man.

    Addiction isn't an illness or a disease, it's a learning disorder; it is the inability or unwillingness to learn from your past missteps that keep you returning to these compulsive behaviours time and time again.
     
    vril likes this.
  11. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

    1,972
    1,295
    143
    You have to ask yourself why is it difficult? If you are reading a book that is triggering you and you keep going back to that book, that won’t help. Remove all triggers, keep a trigger diary so you can identify what is triggered you and then cut that out. Be strict to get the streak started.
     
    vril likes this.
  12. vishop

    vishop Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    49
    37
    18
    I think the mindset way of stoping this addiction is to take things more perpetually rather than temporal and relapse as slips or mistakes so that you can count them and not make them next time. But honestly, it's hard for me to make up my mind for this and not be casual about this but I am trying.
     
  13. SaturnDaytona456

    SaturnDaytona456 Fapstronaut

    119
    101
    43
    It's not a matter of triggers, and even if it is I do EVERYTHING I can to avoid them. It's a matter of urges. If the scenes/images cross my mind after I'm on a week long streak the urges are so powerful it can eat up my whole day (yes I've done cold showers and exercise at ton). I have never even come close to something so addicting and I've given up a lot (caffeine nicotine alcohol you name it) I am as strict as I can possibly be and I go in to these attempts with a ton of momentum (hence making it a week or more often) but I am insisting that the attempts are getting more difficult for me, or at least they are for now. I am down 70% or more from what I used to do so there ARE victories to be proud of, but I've had a lot of trouble reaching the benefits in the last month or two. In any case my goal for July is zero PMO but I'm already getting urges on day two. I will continue to fight like hell, but it doesn't feel easier as many of you claim, it's very opposite for me right now in fact. The urges are much worse than they were. I am getting urges that last whole days now, that never happened the first months I was working on this.

    I am interested to hear that working out gets easier, I am a long distance jogger but am getting my weight bench set up this week. Hopefully that can become another helpful distraction. I am telling you guys though, I should have never given up on that first streak because it was smooth sailing compared to now. Getting to day 20 is nothing like it used to be. I actually asked my doctor about this today while talking about mental health and energy levels, she said there is no medical consensus on it's effects despite NOFAP basically curing my paranoia 100% while on a streak. She is a full blown MD and had never heard of such a concept, I guess that shouldn't surprise me but it does. I believe nofap is a tremendously effective remedy for anxiety, unfortunately it all comes back with a relapse. It's difficult living in my old habits after having seen the other side.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  14. UnitedWeStand

    UnitedWeStand Fapstronaut

    134
    129
    43
    Congrats on spreading the truth of nofap to doctors. This process involves relapses and its 99,9% sure that anyone who is addicted and tries nofap first time will relapse. WIth that been said, dont be tough with yourself and try to forgive. Make a better routine, dust off yourself, make a plan and always remember that this process needs courage and strength. You need time to recover as it was a habit for many years. The good news is that after relapses you still made progress. I suggest keep trying to make your next streak a little bit longer than the previous one and never binge!
     
    SaturnDaytona456 likes this.
  15. There zero benefit to a doctor approving a method of therapy that does not involve them. If they do great but that doesn’t pay the bills.

    As for it getting harder ... no.
    I think you probably get lazier because you see it’s easier to resist and you just don’t fight as hard.

    I like the guy who says beating yourself up (or down) is a trigger for any destructive compulsion.

    also, make the tracker work for you. I keep mine and I am over a year now and it is helpful. I chose at some Point not to look at it like a strict no day relapse but just a trend indicator.

    100% no porn or psubs for 300+ days, and 100+ of zero sex. And give yourselves grace. That’s important.

    you can’t expect to become the man you believe you can while chaining yourself to the memories of your past failures and mistakes.
     
    SaturnDaytona456 likes this.
  16. Scientifically speaking, yes, each attempt gets harder. Just because part of you is trying to quit doesn't mean those addictive pathways are getting met, and contrary to what you might intuitively think using intermittently (eg once per week or once per two weeks) is just as bad or even worse than daily use. See: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...ong-abstinence-with-binges-an-addiction-risk/

    However if you use each attempt as a learning experience and take measures to strengthen the part of your recovery system that allowed you to relapse or otherwise improve your chances you might be able to cancel this out (edit:- or better!).
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2020
    SaturnDaytona456 likes this.
  17. SaturnDaytona456

    SaturnDaytona456 Fapstronaut

    119
    101
    43
    I read the article and I think I have the basics of it- It's potentially as/more addictive to binge porn on occasion than every day because there is more excitement when it's less frequent? I am going to focus on accountability and reaffirmations this month.
     
    PerseveranceToday likes this.
  18. That's the gist of it, yeah. But even if you don't "binge" per se and only PMO once it's still not going to be great for you.
     
  19. SaturnDaytona456

    SaturnDaytona456 Fapstronaut

    119
    101
    43
    I appreciate the help. I just need to get back to day 20. I feel like it get's so much easier then, but I guess I've only really been there two or three times. I'm curious if things will still get easier. I have noticed the superpowers aren't kicking in until a couple weeks at least, day 12 or more. I think momentum has a lot to do with it, also general determination, and somehow keeping my screwed up fetishes from "growing" ... That is the real hassle because it just seems to be getting stronger and grosser, but I am reading a lot about it. I have these really great E-Books on reversing fetishes like mine, and I am confident that I can. It will more than likely just take lots of time. I'm learning, but I suppose most importantly I believe I can. Thanks.
     
    PerseveranceToday likes this.
  20. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

    For me each attempt gets more intense than the previous one, but the progress is better as well.

    My first attempt of just dropping P was easy and lasted half a year, but only provided mild benefits, as I still MOd to P fantasy (and never got away from that). My second attempt was a two months hard mode streak, where the first half was easy (didn't think at all about PMO) and the second half was an emotional roller coaster.

    My current streak (there have been a few more going for a week or so) started getting super-hard after a just a week, but I've seen healing effects after just two weeks I haven't seen on those other streaks at all. Instead of my libido flat-lining or being an emotional wreck due to withdrawal, I see a healthy sex drive building up, which is obviously hard to control. But that it's a sign that it's not worth to give up.

    I tell myself that I have to get used to it and that it is going to stay as a permanently present part of me - instead of being sedated by PMO.

    The mental model I use for this is acceleration. There is no static repeat of 90 days reboot model each time you reset a day counter. Instead I go through what used to take half a year in my first attempt within a few days followed by urges being compressed into a single day instead of being distributed over a week. That's the point there any counter model is flawed, not just the streak one.

    I should mention, that I don't do this for "superpowers", as I'm not part of a cult. I focus on reaching certain milestones solely for healing from decades long PMO.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2020

Share This Page