Excessive PMO has kind of ruined me

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by BreakingDown, Dec 8, 2014.

  1. BreakingDown

    BreakingDown Fapstronaut

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    So I used to actually be a really confident guy, I could go up to any girl and talk to her and be able to get her number and go out with her. Now its almost impossible, I stumble and choke and then revert back to PMO. Which helps until a few hours later I'm back to being depressed. I hate being like this, I feel pathetic.

    I also used to be really in shape, but once I started losing confidence in myself I let myself go and now I have zero motivation to try and change it, I again just go to PMO. I want to be the person I was, without needing PMO. Its taken me years to realize as to why I couldn't perform anymore, and now I want that all to be different. So if anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it. Its taken a lot for me to come in here and do/say this, but I'm sick of being sick, depressed. I want to be a new man
     
  2. Monster Carrot

    Monster Carrot Fapstronaut

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    You came to just the right place. Right off, you should always remember that 100% recovery is entirely possible if you put in the effort. Your brain can slowly rewire itself back to normal in the same way it rewired itself to enjoy PMO. All it takes is time and absolute determination.

    Your situation is the perfect example of the effects of PMO. Quitting completely is the only option to restore yourself to the previous version. The hard part is actually quitting, as you already know. Everyone here takes a different approach. All agree that any exposure to P is negative, and while some argue that MO is not necessarily unhealthy, I say all of them need to be removed for a true reboot. You are not in a relationship at the moment so you are in the perfect position to go for a "hardmode" reboot, which means no sex or O in addition to no P/M. If you stick to this you will eventually transform back into the new man you envision.

    My advice for getting started is to get a counter (like the one under my post, just click the link and make your own) which lets you set a goal and counts your progress as well as the number of days since you started. Set a goal for a number of days you want to be free of PMO. I would start off with a small goal, like 3 to 7 days. Once you reach the goal you can then extend the goal to 2 weeks, 30 days, and eventually to 90 days and beyond. Small goals at the beginning help you from getting overwhelmed by the challenge. When you relapse, you click on your counter and reset it. It's not the end of the world though.

    If you are interested, you can also start a journal about your progress in the appropriate age group, which you can update as often as you like and also get feedback from others. There are also groups with different interests, such as NoFap Christians, NoFap Married, Collegiate Fapstronauts, etc. etc.

    Additionally, you can seek out accountability partners, or friends who you can work more closely with on both of your struggles. You should connect with at least a couple of them to make sure someone is always available when you need them. You can stay in touch with them through email, cell phone, this website, or a messenger app.

    In the meantime, get educated by reading the classic PMO-related material (yourbrainonporn.com is widely cited). Get to know the physiology behind PMO addiction so you understand the changes that will take place during the relapses and reboots in your near future. Also this forum contains tons of personal experience and wisdom from others to help you avoid mistakes, as well as the success stories that inspire us to keep going.

    One last tool for your virtual life is to set up parental controls on your devices to prevent access to P and borderline material. I recommend K9, which you can password protect. I set this up with a long, jumbled password (like dGWE43nsf840dne8) and then emailed it to myself at a future date using futureme.org. Now I can't access P or certain other websites I specified even if I really really wanted to.

    As far as in your real life, you can engage in many things that can help you beat the addiction. For instance, since most people agree that too much free time and boredom are detrimental, they like to take up hobbies to fill the void, such as music, art, exercise, reading, and anything else positive. Being religious is a benefit, although not entirely necessary. Meditation is mentioned by many for being very helpful in mastering your thoughts, which is the ultimate goal.

    Good luck in your journey. You will inevitably relapse at some point, but just know it doesn't mean all your progress is lost. As long as you are constantly trying, you will eventually succeed. You definitely made the right choice in deciding to make a change, and we are here all day every day to help you.


    P.S. At first I thought your username was BreakingDawn. Thank goodness. :D
     
  3. Anon6918

    Anon6918 Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like PMO's a symptom rather than a cause. May be worth having a chat with your doctor on that one.

    Also taking baby steps on getting your life a bit better. Clean/tidy up your house, take a little care over your appearance. So often when I've been down, it shows, and addressing it makes a start to breaking that cycle.

    Next - stay in touch with family and friends. Just a quick phone call or popping round for a cup of tea. Even if you don't want to. Especially if you don't want to. And take care of yourself on a physical level - a bit of light, regular exercise (even a half hour walk is okay), staying off or reducing the booze, and cooking/eating right. Little, basic things to use your time productively and make your outlook a little better.
     
  4. EternalWaves

    EternalWaves Guest

    Hey "BreakingDown", believe me, there is a LIFE waiting for you, go the way of "NoFap" and you will go into a completely new way of life!

    Like Monster_carrot said, you are in the right place here.

    Go step by step. Set yourself just little goals in the beginning. Like "one day free of PMO". "two days free of PMO". And remember to focus on your GOALS and VALUES. It is much more important to focus on your values, then on "abstinence". If you focus on your values, then PMO will fade by itself.

    You will see, over time you develop more and more skills and one day, you feel totally comfortable without porn and without fapping.

    I can fully understand you, I have experienced a state of mind like you describe. Many years ago I was totally depressed and even on edge of suicide! But THERE is a way out. One year ago, I discovered this great community and I started to become serious about getting out of the addiction. I was sick of it, I WANTED out. Now, one year later, I feel really changed and settled in a new lifestyle. A new life has actually begun!
     
  5. EternalWaves

    EternalWaves Guest

    I am sure that a PMO addiction is always only the symptom, and never the cause. You use PMO to escape. The real cause are deeply rooted fears and doubts. You can learn to overcome these and to become a self-confident man. It goes step by step.
     
  6. BreakingDown

    BreakingDown Fapstronaut

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    Thank you guys the support is massively appreciated!!! And to respond to Anon6918, I've been to a doctor, was prescribed things that only made my life situation worse. I'm shooting for right now to go a week and then increase it. Already its proven to be trying. I keep finding myself thinking about it and wanting to fap.
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2014
  7. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    Just because you think about it and want to do it doesn't mean you have to. We always have a choice, although in the beginning it's hard to make the right choice. But it gets easier, I promise. If you follow the advice on here and use this community for support, you can do it.

    And as for changing your life, one thing at a time. That's what I'm doing. For a few weeks, my main goal was to avoid fapping. Now that that's becoming easier, I'm turning my attention to starting to exercise again. One thing at a time, one day at a time, and you can change your life (but it takes time). You've got this!
     
  8. BreakingDown

    BreakingDown Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! Yeah taking it day by day, which is proving to be difficult, but if I can make it a week I can make it another and another. Mhmm its gonna be a long process, but I'm looking forward to the end results
     
  9. BreakingDown

    BreakingDown Fapstronaut

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    Had to reset today, had a relapse and kind of feeling shitty about it, but there are always bumps, time to pick up and start again
     
  10. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Is the type of porn part of the addiction or does even someone dressed sexily make it seem hard to control yourself?
     
  11. BreakingDown

    BreakingDown Fapstronaut

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    More so the porn than someone dressed sexually that I see in person
     
  12. IGY

    IGY Guest

  13. galaxim

    galaxim Fapstronaut

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  14. EternalWaves

    EternalWaves Guest

    Keep it it on and don't feel bad about it. Ifyou relapse, then dust yourself off, keep relaxed and start over again.

    The whole process is like starting an old motor, you need to "turn the crank" multiple times, until it starts and smoothly goes off by itself.

    Belive me, it really works!
     
  15. I'm Done-No More

    I'm Done-No More Fapstronaut

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    I'm here for ya dude, just like people have been here for me...check out RebootNation.org...there's a guy on there by the name of Gabe that really knows his stuff about this topic...but to tell ya the truth, I wanna fap right now...but I choose not to...today...this hour...even this minute...you can do this brotha...we're all rooting for ya!!!
     
  16. BreakingDown

    BreakingDown Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys. The suppprt here is amazing. Its been two days, yesterday wasn't bad, was so occupied with school I barely had the time to eat. Today was rough, but made it through
     

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