So I'm 32 and I've been single for 13 years. I tend to not like approaching random girls and thus I've only asked out a few girls in that time. I take the time to get to know women before I ask them out and I'm not very flirty so it's a slow process. Recently there was this one girl I met about a year ago, she was beautiful and nerdy and driven and shared a lot of interests with me. I fell in love. I asked her out and she said she wasn't in a place where she was ready to date yet. I should of moved on but I was falling for this girl so I basically told myself, and her that I would wait. That if she needed time I would give her time and that I didn't want to date anyone other than her. She told me she would never date someone she wasn't friends with first so I agreed to be friends. She accepted this and we started to hang out more. We went on a bunch of one on one hang outs as friends, sometimes getting really personal and intimate but never crossing a line that would be consider sexual or romantic. This carried on for the next 6 months as friends at which point my birthday was coming up. She told me she had something planned for my birthday, and that plan turned out to be buying me Pizza and just hanging out for a few hours in her room. I didn't make a move in her room because while I was really hoping for something she hadn't given me a clear signal that it was ok. When I got home I texted her asking for clarity on the relationship, and I asked if I was reading the situation right by not making a move. She responded with a yes that was right and that she doesn't ever see us being more than friends. I was extremely heart broken, because here I thought I was waiting for the right time with a girl I loved, and that we were getting closer and closer. She told me she had romantic feelings for me at one point but something changed, and she wouldn't tell me what. I'm really confused right now because I'm feeling really led on and while I'm trying to play it cool, I'm not cool. I'm really hurt and anxious and overwhelmingly depressed. I'm not willing to put myself in the friendzone permanently. I know I should move on but I've been in love with this girl for over six months... and I just don't feel ready to yet, it's been 16 days. I recently restarted nofap, and the withdrawal symptoms and flatline (I'm 6 days in at time of posting) combined with the heart break of losing not only the girl I love but one of my best friends is proving really overwhelming. The depression is getting to me and it's interfering with work, school, and my other friendships and I don't know how to move forward from here. Any suggestions or positive feedback would be really appreciated.