Extremely depressed after rejection.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by TealKoala, Apr 27, 2019.

  1. TealKoala

    TealKoala Fapstronaut

    So I'm 32 and I've been single for 13 years. I tend to not like approaching random girls and thus I've only asked out a few girls in that time. I take the time to get to know women before I ask them out and I'm not very flirty so it's a slow process. Recently there was this one girl I met about a year ago, she was beautiful and nerdy and driven and shared a lot of interests with me. I fell in love.

    I asked her out and she said she wasn't in a place where she was ready to date yet. I should of moved on but I was falling for this girl so I basically told myself, and her that I would wait. That if she needed time I would give her time and that I didn't want to date anyone other than her. She told me she would never date someone she wasn't friends with first so I agreed to be friends.

    She accepted this and we started to hang out more. We went on a bunch of one on one hang outs as friends, sometimes getting really personal and intimate but never crossing a line that would be consider sexual or romantic. This carried on for the next 6 months as friends at which point my birthday was coming up. She told me she had something planned for my birthday, and that plan turned out to be buying me Pizza and just hanging out for a few hours in her room.

    I didn't make a move in her room because while I was really hoping for something she hadn't given me a clear signal that it was ok. When I got home I texted her asking for clarity on the relationship, and I asked if I was reading the situation right by not making a move.

    She responded with a yes that was right and that she doesn't ever see us being more than friends. I was extremely heart broken, because here I thought I was waiting for the right time with a girl I loved, and that we were getting closer and closer. She told me she had romantic feelings for me at one point but something changed, and she wouldn't tell me what.

    I'm really confused right now because I'm feeling really led on and while I'm trying to play it cool, I'm not cool. I'm really hurt and anxious and overwhelmingly depressed. I'm not willing to put myself in the friendzone permanently. I know I should move on but I've been in love with this girl for over six months... and I just don't feel ready to yet, it's been 16 days.

    I recently restarted nofap, and the withdrawal symptoms and flatline (I'm 6 days in at time of posting) combined with the heart break of losing not only the girl I love but one of my best friends is proving really overwhelming. The depression is getting to me and it's interfering with work, school, and my other friendships and I don't know how to move forward from here. Any suggestions or positive feedback would be really appreciated.
  2. Give it time. The heart takes a while to heal. A six-month relationship can take several weeks to get over. Close friendships with women when you are single was always very challenging for me. Dating is just plain tough. I'm sorry for your heartbreak. There's nothing for it but to move ahead as best you can. Keep reaching out.
    CH3RRY likes this.
  3. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    She wasn't interested (or "ready") to date, but you were. Right there you should've moved on to find someone that IS ready and interested in dating. Instead you invested all this time and emotional energy into someone that had no intention in ever giving you what you really wanted. You thought more time would be the solution. It wasn't.

    That's what a friendzone really is... it's not the other person doing it... it's you doing it to yourself via you thinking that friendship is a way for you to gain more time until you can finally convince the other person to give you what you really want.

    Painful lesson to learn, but you learned it.

    Don't ever try to convince someone that isn't interested. If they aren't excited to give you what you want and to receive what you have to offer, don't invest in them..... unless you truly want to be friends with that person... but in this case, you wanted something else. She wasn't interested, but you kept investing more and more until it finally came to a crash.

    This isn't her fault. You did this to yourself. She didn't lead you on... you led yourself on. She didn't friendzone you... you created the friendzone. Take responsibility for this.

    You felt like you would never find someone like her again.... so you invested and invested.... the more things weren't going the way you wanted it to.... you doubled your investment more and more..... like a gambling addict losing everything and going into massive debt.

    You have to meet more people. More women. Trust me... there's a lot of interesting women out there. You're just afraid or lazy about meeting them. You would rather enter this 6 month situation with this girl that went nowhere and put a hold on your life rather than meeting a lot of women within those 6 months.

    Do something new. Find new interests. Join classes / clubs. Learn a new craft. Go where other people are. Meet and interact with people. No dating app bullshit or creeping around random places. Actually do something you want to do and meet people that want to do the same thing.
  4. I feel your pain bro, that same kinda thing happened to me. Straight men can't be best friends with women. And even when they are friends, it's gotta be limited so feelings don't develop and boundaries aren't crossed. Spend less time with female friends so you don't get hurt. Any new girls you meet, get to know them of course then lay your intentions out from the beginning so you know where you stand. Don't waste time hoping and dreaming. Have some time to yourself, keep on nofap, get stronger mentally and physically then after some time all this won't be painful anymore and if you do still keep in contact with her, she will respect you more, but make sure you do it for you and nobody else
  5. Theres some good advice here! This is a great post because its so relatable, i wouldnt be suprised if this situation has happened to every man and woman at least once in their life.
    I wanted to tell you though that there is a silver lining you can choose to see here or you can decide its sad and depressing and aweful.
    Basically this- Setbacks are the best and most sure fire way to either help us grow or to destroy us!
    Your being shown a gift here but you have to recognize it as such. The gift is of clarity and truth. Seeing the situation for what it really is gives you power.
    Im not saying its easy.. i had a very similar story except i allowed this girl to lead me on and manipulate me for 4 years. The awesome part is as soon as i finally broke out of that role and took my power back i found a girl who is about 10,000 times better. But first i had to let go of the dysfunctional and broken.
    Trust and recognize that if this was right for you, it wouldnt be so difficult. So now rejoice after your sadness, you just got a little more clarity.
    Lirudu and Tao Jones like this.
  6. skibum71

    skibum71 Fapstronaut

    This shit hurts. It really f'ing hurts. Ive had my heart broken numerous times and i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy.
    I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but i dont see any advantage in you maintaining the friendship. Think about it. When one person wants everything except friendship, and the other is offering nothing but friendship - it is an impossible situation which will only prolong your pain and suffering.
    Youve laid your cards on the table, and so has she. Both of you know where you stand, and that is a good thing.
    The next few days/weeks, maybe months will be rough. It might get worse before it gets better. But it WILL get better. How quickly that happens is up to you. Take upon yourself the responsibility of drawing a line under this, putting it behind you and moving on to bigger and better things. Keep occupied, keep busy, do things.
    Sorry things didnt work out.
    Good luck!
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. Hey, I'm ten years younger than you and just went through a similar situation, except mine was a lot faster and she's moving out of the country. All you can really do is take everything as it happened, remember the good times, and realize that there are going to be some serious rough patches. Time is healing, but it's also painful.
  8. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut


    Hey man I have had something similar happen to me very recently and it does hurt, it's the worst pain i ever experienced in my life. But I wake up in the morning and see the sunlight and think that I got to do what's best for me before I can be what's best for someone else. Just keep plugging and chugging on the things you need to do personally. Sure having the girl in your corner is high on that list, but there are surely other personal goals for you. Work on those and let the pieces fall where they fall. I'm struggling but there are times in the day where hope comes back to me as it will you. Ride the hope wave. Be better personally.
    Lirudu likes this.
  9. Sharksvv

    Sharksvv Fapstronaut

    When girls say they won’t date someone who isn’t their friend first, it’s pure BS. Don’t ever believe that, it’s nothing more than a way of rejecting you softly.
    ObeyJay27 and koolpal like this.

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