It's important to note....
Healthy people want sex (and often). It can be very healthy to able to confidently meet you needs. The loss of libido and lack of attraction can actually be a very sane aspect of being able to meet your needs. (Your not supposed to feel like every starvation at the site of every woman).
Here is where it gets dangerous and unhealthy:
- addressing your own needs can cause you to be too chill about pursuing a relationship (If you don't have need, then there is not urgency, or encouragement to active) As a guy, you are expected to take some initiative, and while 'too needy' is bad, not caring is also bad.
- Addressing your own needs can leave you lazy and weak in communication, or worse to never know how. Communication is hard and scary, but its essential to grown and know what the other human in your life needs, and how you get your thoughts to your partner so you can try them. If you're used to addressing your own needs, this can lead you to avoid having to have conversation, which can stall your developing a relationship, or cause that relationship harm. (Meeting your own needs can also take the pressure off so that you can have clear conversations without being demanding, but it does require a balance to be struck, and the priority has to be given to making sure its happening)
- Addressing your own needs can leave you numb and out of sync with a real partner. If you don't speak to your partner to give them first right of refusal and meet your own needs anyway, when your partner is ready, you won't be. Being in a relationship means you have to be able to delay your gratification at times so that you can both enjoy something, or because she needs it more. Again this goes back to communication and respect, but also is an issue of self-control. Syncing up with your partner can be the hardest thing to do in a relationship, and it never gets easier. Meeting your own needs sometimes seems like the easy answer, but without communication and the same understanding with your partner, it can cause serious gaps between when you and she want the same thing. Worse, you will be tempted to go ahead try to meet their needs when your not ready, which will feel like a poor experience. Given enough of these poor experiences in row you get to the point where you're not ever really excited about addressing your partners needs together.
A lot of this comes down to self control, positive mental image about yourself and sex, and your ability to effectively communicate. Most of us aren't lucky enough to have all of those things. (Do you?) Hopefully, you can take a positive message that Masturbation can be healthy, but it has some pitfalls to watch out for (and they can sneak up on you). Porn with masturbation can make these challenges so much harder to face, and can sneak up on you so much faster. (it also comes with it's own set of unique challenges).
