Fear of loss by becoming better

Ok... this is an issue I've been having for a while and I need your help.

I have this weird mental belief that if I become better (more motivated, more productive, richer, etc...) then my wife won't be deserving anymore of this new, better person I'd become, and I'd have to leave her.

My brain says something like: Becoming better = becoming better than her = losing her = pain

I know it sounds as an excuse on first look, but I feel I only believe it's an excuse maybe 20%, while 80% of this belief is live and kicking and limiting myself.

What are your thoughts on this ? Has anyone else had this fear of success as well ?

 

I think that's about right ! haha

@elevate, that might be true... I can honestly say that I do not know true love, and a big part of this is pmo. Would I be happier with someone else ? Hard to say...

Indeed, becoming a better person, which would benefit her as well, would have to be a good goal to me, but I'm just too selfish... My brain's fucked up with all these stupid beliefs, lots of them unconscious still. I know a relationship should be a team, but in my head it's more like a "I do this, you do what ?", keeping tally...

 

@Porn Free Wanderer , you are absolutely right. I much needed your words in order to weaken this mental belief. I had (and will continue to) read it multiple times because it makes so much sense. Thank you @Porn Free Wanderer