First time taking this seriously

Hey guys, new here. For some background I am a 20y/o male college student. I have been watching P since I was 8 or 9, and masturbating since I was 13. I have noticed many of the side effects associated with P addiction, such as anxiety, lack of focus, intrusive thoughts, and ED during real sexual encounters. I am currently living by myself as an RA at my school, which means I spend a lot of time alone in my room. I have heard about NoFap in the past and have tried to cut down my P usage and masturbation this year. With so much alone time, the urges become too much most of the time.

So the other morning I was lying in bed when I gave into an urge. I was totally fed up with myself and decided that I was done. Believe me, I've made this decision many times in the past. But this time was different. I logged out of my second Instagram account that had all the saved posts of models on it. I installed a PornBlocker on my phone and desktop. I blocked NSFW content on Reddit. I moved Instagram off my phone's homepage to lessen the distraction. I made an account on this forum and read all the introductory posts and watched the videos. This time is for real.

If I'm being honest, the reason I'm doing NoFap is for a woman. The girl of my dreams is currently studying abroad, and she will be back next semester. With how things are currently going, it's seeming very likely we will be a romantic relationship when she gets back. I want things to be good for her, so I need to be in the right space physically and mentally by January.

We are currently 2 days in. This is difficult. I have gone far longer than 2 days in the past, but I think what I've set up for myself has made it harder. My record was first semester at college, when I unintentionally went over 60 days PMO. I remember my confidence was amazing, I was in a relationship, my social skills improved, and it was legitimately the best days of my life. Since then, the pandemic and other factors have led me back to P and masturbation. The urges are impossible to control at times. I have found myself losing control and viewing P against my will a few times. This is especially true when I use marijuana (which isn't often, but I almost always end up masturbating).

I need to get my life back. This time is for real. I can do this. I don't want to carry this with me anymore. Thank you for reading this essay. I just had to get these thoughts off my chest.

 

Thank you for the support brother. Unfortunately we had a relapse last night but we are getting back up stronger than before.