Fitting in the community.

I went over a month without slipping but was still looking at triggering pictures and videos and finally, 2 days ago I slipped. I came straight back here but I’m glad that I did slip. I can’t look at it, learned my lesson there. Just torture. Only posting this to fit in a little better.

 

Thank you for that. I’m struggling with sleep now because of it, completely forgot what it does to me. Just couldn’t beat it. I feel different this time, less beating myself up and more disciple to ignore triggering content. The mental obsession I’m struggling with at the moment is over the top

 

Just a catch up, haven’t PMO’d since Feb 13th and as I said; I haven’t looked at triggering content. This morning I woke up wanting to look at porn and I ended up going to websites I shouldn’t have. Biggest problem is a girl I was talking to started to make it and I was like shit so now I’m staying away from seeing hers but I did see a bit this morning. Just a bad idea. I didn’t M but I shouldn’t even be looking at that shit. Was wondering why I felt so guilty all day, well I found the answer coming back here. I don’t use a laptop and find this hard to use on the phone but grateful it’s here

 

The inevitable happened today after seeing it on Sunday, the obsession was in my head. Couldn’t help myself. Ended up PMOing today. Back to square one. I want to seriously quit but I’m struggling, I’ve gotten a month before but seriously it’s always just once and then beat myself up about it. Does anyone have any tips? I don’t know if anyone will even see this. I’m still thinking about doing it again

 

I think I’m going to start doing a daily log here, that would probably be the best idea.

 

Ending up PMOing again since I posted because I couldn’t sit with the compulsion. I have this to say: it felt like a farewell. After all the progress I’ve made I finally feel like I’m sick and tired and ready to just stop. I know it was nuts to pmo again today but I needed to to learn my lesson. I’m leaving the past behind me, 10 years of this shit warping my brain and affecting all my relationships. Causing problematic sexual behavior all my life and wanting me to sexualize every woman I come across. Every girl I’ve ever gone out with hasn’t lasted. It makes me feel like less of a man. I’ve had people thinking I was gay because of it. It affects my sleep, it makes me feel guilt. I’m done, I’m done with feeling like this and I’m ready to do anything that is necessary.