For those who are suffering from overthinking, anxiety and depression

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Deleted Account, Jul 24, 2020.

  1. Overthinking, anxiety and depression these all comes from your thoughts. The more you try to control them the more you drown in them.
    I don't believe in meditation, breathing techniques...... These all are bull$*it. Let me tell you something practical.
    First let's be clear, we cannot stop our thoughts, it's impossible to stop your thoughts. If I tell you to stop thinking about a Pink Crocodile you will definitely think about it.
    All we can do is observe your thoughts. Yeah, observe them like you observe a still photograph, never convert them into a video means, thinking about past and future of the thought that has appeared. If you do so, it is like pouring fuel into your thought fire.

    Keep separating yourself from your thoughts. Just observe them as you observe the parade of military planes flying one after the other. For the first time, you are observing the thought producing machine.
    All the best. Please remember no religion, no meditation, no ritual and nothing is required to master yourself but this simple observation.

    Thank you.
     
  2. n7elite30

    n7elite30 Fapstronaut

    Thank you for posting this. Although I do consider myself religious, I definitely agree that getting outside my own thoughts, acknowledging what I am thinking and why, has done more in combating my poor self-image and addiction than any prayer, routine, or "ritual" so far. It really helps me reach the underlying causes of the problem so I can treat it at the source, rather than just trying to squash the symptoms until it goes away.
     
  3. Suki

    Suki Fapstronaut

    Calling something that others people believe and you do not bullshit is simply rude. Also making such statement about meditation based only on your own observation is ignorance. There are many scientific publications that confirm the effects of various meditation techniques, especially mindfulness.

    Some sientific stuff links:

     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2020
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  4. Hadrian3

    Hadrian3 Fapstronaut

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    I don't know if it is overthinking or daydreaming or both. But it is very excessive. It is maybe my biggest problem these days. I've always have this problem.
     
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  5. n7elite30

    n7elite30 Fapstronaut

    Boredom/daydreaming and overthinking are two of my greatest struggles and leave me more vulnerable to relapse than anything else. What helps me the most so far is, rather than sitting there and letting my thoughts overwhelm me, is writing it all down. Whether it's creating a new thread here in the right forum or just filling up a note on my iPhone, putting it in writing makes it all MUCH easier for me to process. Everybody's different but maybe that would help you as well. Hang in there!
     
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  6. Hadrian3

    Hadrian3 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much. So it really helps you? Actually my friend told me to do so long ago. I even bought an expensive notebook for writing down my thoughts on it. But I haven't done it yet. Another friend told me it will makes it worse. So, I hesitated even more.
    But, Maybe I try it.

    So, What kind of thoughts/daydreaming you have? Mine is so evil sometimes! Also they are so deep that are essentially like night dreams. I mean it is going forward automatically, Until it reaches a point that it is too painful and then It makes me come to myself (As you wake up when you have a nightmare). I imagine myself to do very bad things.
    Example: I imagine myself pushing someone from escalator and make him be killed or wounded. Then police arrives. I feel very bad. Then I can't bear it anymore and it ends. Like a nightmare that when reaches an unbearable part, Make you wake up.

    So, I can't prevent imagining evil things and it's not deliberate. But still it is very upsetting.
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2020
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  7. Hi SB,

    I have a respectful question to ask you. It is about this approach you have adopted. My question is this SB, did you form these views yourself or were you influenced by a certain writer, or writers?

    You recommend separating yourself from your thoughts. Observe them, you write, but do not convert them in to videos. You are also dismissive of breathing techniques. Which you are perfectly within your rights to do.

    I have tried mindfulness, meditation and breathing techniques myself. But have found them to be ineffectual. All these practices only succeeded in putting me to sleep. I have also tried reading religious texts and commentaries. These were based on Christianity, Islam and Buddhism. I found all of them to be quite interesting. There were pearls of wisdom in them all.

    Yet, none of them helped me to rise above my stinking thinking! This applies, inter alia, to images of masturbatory fodder, past hurts and rejections etc. Therefore I would be very interested in you expanding upon and explaining your approach further. Please do so.

    Take care pal!
     
  8. n7elite30

    n7elite30 Fapstronaut

    Hmmm... That's interesting. I will say I have had thoughts kind of like that before but they are usually extremely brief. Stuff like rolling down my car window and throwing my phone out into the road. I'm not angry or anything, it's just a fleeting, random thought that I quickly push away since I have no logical reason to follow through on it and, frankly, I'm horrified that I thought about it in the first place.

    However, the overwhelming majority of my distracting thoughts and overthinking are about myself. Especially if something negative happened to me like a breakup or a rejection from a job interview or even if I'm just stuck having to try to do something I don't want to do but know I have to do such as writing a research paper. It usually starts with "What is wrong with me??" and spirals into potentially hours of analyzing and reflecting on what I could have done wrong, why I did the thing that was wrong, and how I can fix it going forward. Also, just generally being frustrated with where I am in life and unsatisfied with the advice friends and families give me.

    I think the most helpful part about it is it gives me a place where I can feel understood. Nobody knows me better than I do so venting to myself helps me work through whatever I'm experiencing in a MUCH more direct and healthier way than PMO. I don't have the patience or hand stamina to physically write all of it down (or the money to keep filling up notebooks and buying new ones) so I have taken to typing my thoughts out instead. I can get a lot more out a lot faster than trying to write by hand. Plus, keyboards don't run out of ink or need to be sharpened. Haha

    I don't claim to be any sort of expert and what works for me might not work for you. You might want to give it a shot though! Also, if you're worried about what those thoughts and scary daydreams might mean, you might want to consider talking to a counselor or a therapist. I've been meeting with a counselor once a week for several months now and it has been *immensely* helpful. The stigma surrounding therapy and counseling is vastly overblown and there is nothing wrong at all with asking a professional for help.
     
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  9. Hadrian3

    Hadrian3 Fapstronaut

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    I am considering to visit a therapist. But I can't do it until later.

    So, That would be helpful, knowing your experiences. And thanks.
    But I should mention that those evil thoughts are just a part of problem. I am very easily get distracted. Even smallest tension or discussion between me and someone can make my mind busy an entire day easily. Especially if s/he is someone important for me. So, I tried my best to make my life simple and non-crowded. Like leaving all social media, removing every single disturbing "friend", etc.
    Also, Memories of the past don't leave me. I am an expert in tormenting myself with reminding myself of them. Doesn't need to be something important to upset me. Stupid small things make me upset. I expect myself to be morally perfect. That's bad.

    All of these thoughts also makes me distracted from my job and stuff. Makes me don't realise what they say to me. Makes me forget the things I should do in time. That's the worst. You have this problem too?

    Aye, I need to visit a therapist. My friend showed me a good one and will visit him later. Not now unfortunately.
     
  10. n7elite30

    n7elite30 Fapstronaut

    That’s good that you’re open to the idea! Many people refuse to give it a try out of a sense of shame or fear of ridicule (I know I did at first!) However, I can definitely understand if it’s just not the right time for you for whatever reason.

    What you just described sounds a lot more like what I deal with. I’ll dwell on conflicts and tensions and try to puzzle them out and even spend hours in self-reflection when I have a job or something else important to do. There is nothing that wounds me more than thinking I let down someone important to me. When I get lonely, my mind will make it worse by bringing up bittersweet memories of old girlfriends and I'll wonder how I could have made those relationships better so I can prepare for my future spouse.

    I want to emphasize again: what causes this in me and what I do to fix it may not necessarily apply to or work for you!!! But in my case, my parents set up a meeting with a family friend that is a psychologist and, after speaking with her, I was diagnosed with ADD that was missed when I was a child. I was prescribed medication that helps me focus on schoolwork or my job. Additionally, I recently adopted a puppy and he helps keep me in the "here and now" because he is a living breathing creature that I am responsible for. He doesn't care if I'm daydreaming or distracted. If he has a need to be met, he lets me know and snaps me back to reality! I would imagine other kinds of pets could have the same effect as well. On top of all that, working with a counselor has helped me learn to see where my overthinking is flawed and actually where it's been right. Having that professional outside opinion of someone who is literally *paid* to listen to you and talk you through tough problems can help you see things you wouldn't have noticed before. Plus, he showed me how to get outside my thoughts and not only what/how I was thinking or feeling but examine *why* so that I can change my thought process if need be. For example, if I get angry or frustrated, I can slow down and figure out "Why is this affecting me so much? Is it really that big of a deal to me? Or am I just hungry and overreacting?" If I'm understanding correctly, this is the sort of technique the OP of this thread was referring to. That's also where the journaling comes in for me. As I'm working through that process, I'm writing it down so I can see it and also come back to it later if I'm ever in a similar situation.

    The last thing that has helped me a lot more than I thought it would (and some people might argue or smirk or sneer) was simply taking a Myers-Briggs personality test (MBT). Through counseling, I came to understand that a large problem feeding into many of the others was that I had a very negative self-image, largely stemming from feeling like an outcast/weirdo everywhere I went. It had gotten so bad that I couldn't even tell anyone what my strengths were or really accurately answer "Who am I?" and "What does that mean?" Now, everyone has different methods of self-discovery that work for them but, for me, my results on the MBT (I'm an INFP) and the description of what that meant put into words a GREAT many aspects of myself that I had long thought were straight-up "social mutations" and things that nobody else struggled with but me. It was an INCREDIBLE comfort to discover that other people exist that have the same quirks and uniqueness that I do, that I'm not a *complete* space alien and others have learned how to manage and overcome much of what I am currently fighting. Previously, when friends and family would beg me to tell them how to help me, I could never articulate a coherent answer. Now, the knowledge I've gained from that and reading the experiences of other people with the same type has given me a HUGE vocabulary to help me understand myself and why I do the things I do. Again, I am not saying this will help you in the exact same way. All I'm advocating here is learning to understand and love yourself better. How you do that is entirely up to you. Also, if you do decide to take a test like that (I heavily prefer MBT over any of the others out there), be careful not to try to squeeze every aspect of yourself into whatever your results are. It's not a a general outline of your personality, not a holy scripture about how you should live your life. All it's really supposed to do is give you a little insight into what your strengths and weaknesses might be so you'll have a better idea of where to go with your self-improvement and how to relate to people.

    Anyway, I realize this is getting super long so I'm going to end it here but I hope it helps you!
     
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  11. Hadrian3

    Hadrian3 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks...

    And how long have you been deal with this? When did you realised? When started to solve it?

    You're 4 years younger than me. It's not very long that I've even realised there is such a thing called "overthinking" and I have a problem and it has even a name!
    I've always had these distractions, forgetting things, inability to focus when someone talk to me, etc. But I used to don't think about it much as a problem that can be solved. And never knew it is related to excessive overthinking/daydreaming.
    It was until maybe a few years ago I realised it's maybe overthinking.
    And it was even more recently that I realised perhaps it is more of a excessive "daydreaming" than overthinking.

    So, That's bad I even didn't noticed the problem. For a long time, I used to get used to it like a problem that is never going to be fixed. Not that it was conscious, I really didn't think about it much. Just accepted I am like this and I should get used to it.

    About the MBT test you mentioned, I took it a few years ago (more than once). I had difficulty with giving accurate answers. I mean, I really don't know much about myself. I didn't know the answer of many questions, So, I couldn't take the test's results serious enough. Also, As far as I remember, The words they used in the questions weren't clear for me as a non-native person. Too many ambiguous words.


    ---------
    I just took the test and it was better now. Still left some of the questions "neutral", Because I didn't know the answer. It said I am ISTJ-T. I think I got ENFJ a few years ago. But I've changed since then...
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2020
  12. n7elite30

    n7elite30 Fapstronaut

    As far as I can tell, I have always been this way but, like you, I didn’t realize it was a problem that could be fixed until I was much older. As a child, my parents imposed enough structure on me that it never manifested strongly enough to be noticed as a problem. It took me getting asked to resign from a technician job after already having to academically withdraw from a major university before my family and I realized I might need some help. That was when I was 21 or 22ish. Gosh, that feels like a lifetime ago now...

    The medication helped almost immediately although it was certainly not a complete fix. Plus, I never really understood what ADD is and how it had affected me until literally this summer. I was dumped out of the blue by a young lady that I cared for very much and, in my depression and confusion, I looked inward and started doing research. That’s when I learned ADD could have much wider effects than just making it hard to do homework.

    Honestly, I feel as though I’m only just now beginning to solve it. Learning which parts of me are genuinely things I can and should change (like quitting porn) and which parts are just aspects of my personality that I should embrace and wear proudly (being a Christian that nerd out over video games, for example) has helped a great deal as well. On top of that, there are still times where you *should* overthink a little bit. Maybe not the traumatic daydreams you’re talking about but carefully considering how best to talk to someone about a sensitive issue is perfectly healthy so long as you don’t wait too long before making a decision. Your loved ones will probably appreciate you taking the time to make a thoughtful response rather than blurting out the first thing that comes to your mind.

    The worst thing you can do is start thinking that everything you do and every thought you think is a problem that needs pruning and correcting. You’re a human being. You’re not perfect! Nobody is! Embrace what makes you “you” and only worry about removing or improving things that you think are unhealthy and holding you back.

    The MBT test is just one way of learning what makes you tick! Keep searching! The way I see it, the more you understand yourself, the better you can it explain to others so they know the best way to appreciate you!

    I’m right there with you in that struggle, friend, but we’ll get there!
     
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  13. Why separate yourself from what you are? maybe there is no separation. It is thought becoming aware of itself and to separate yourself from it is the "I" the "ego"
    I get that you don't like meditation, That word has indeed lost its meaning and become some silly breathing exercise. But observing your thoughts is meditation, observing without judgment or condemnation. Just watching like you watch a bird flying, this is meditation in its purest form.
     
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  14. Indurian

    Indurian Fapstronaut

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    This might have been stated but what you describe is meditation, namely choiceless awareness.
     
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