Girl I hooked up with now has a FWB and that turns me on

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by superstorm250, Nov 3, 2021.

  1. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, so I wanted to post this thread because this just happened the other day and it confirms my issue that I'm more turned on when girls have sex with other guys compared to if I was to have sex with her myself. So last year, my friend who's also a PMO addict too revealed to me that he has a fantasy of watching people have sex and I revealed to him that I have that fantasy too. We both know that PMO created that fantasy because we're both so used to watching sex instead of being an active participant, but he still wanted to explore it. So he contacted a girl he used to work with who's pretty open minded when it comes to sex and she agreed to let him watch while me and her had sex. We booked a hotel room and she met up with us there and we eventually got naked and started fooling around, but my PIED prevented it from going any further than oral sex. She put her clothes back on and left after that, it was definitely a pretty embarrassing experience.

    Then just the other night, my friend told me that he talked to that girl recently and she now has a FWB and that the sex with him has been really good, he said that she was telling him all about it since he's already seen her naked and what she looks like when she's receiving pleasure. Later after I went home, I became very turned on by learning that she's been having a lot of good sex (a lot more turned on than when I was with her) and I found myself wishing that she was also telling me all about the sex she's been having with her FWB. It also made me wish that me and my friend could both try watching the two of them have sex if they would be open to that.

    I get more turned on when a girl has sex with someone else compared to when I'm with her, and its a problem. All thanks to PMO
     
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2021
  2. Zapster21

    Zapster21 Fapstronaut

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    I feel the same.

    Please be aware of your very graphic title. For me it was a trigger...
     
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  3. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    Sorry, I didn't mean to trigger you or anyone else with the title. Should I change it?
     
  4. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Yeah dude this is common, especially when rebooting. Your mind just gets hooked on things you watched in porn. With a well done reboot and rewire this will go away in time. Not much too worry about. It may feel shitty and confusing, but everyone who recovers goes through similar things to this. Just sit through the feelings, resist urges, and follow the steps to recovery. You'll come out great.

    No it's fine haha
     
  5. Witherd_rose

    Witherd_rose Fapstronaut

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    Previously watching girls turn me on. Now they talking to strangers and flirting only turn me on. I also came to a level, where i only watch cuckold porn.
     
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  6. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    Just wanted to update this thread. A girl that I used to be interested in (and still kinda was to this day) has started seeing another guy and judging by what she’s been posting on social media, they’ve been hanging out a lot and they’ve probably having a lot of sex too. And once again, I found myself more turned on by imagining her having sex with him than I ever was by imagining myself having sex with her. This is a real struggle to overcome.
     
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  7. bokn999

    bokn999 Fapstronaut

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    Why the heck i experience the same thing sometimes? I used to more often, but now less as i do nofap no porn for 2 months now.
    I used to only watch cuckold porn and imagine my crush or ex having sex with others.
    Now i think its fading away as im having more sexual experience on my own.Im also trying to imagine myself in situations with these girls and its more and more often.It is not much but i think i gained some more confidence than before and it helped with fading those disgusting thoughts.

    I think what we need is more personal sexual experience, and a boost in our overall confidence.We ought to be occupied with our own bodies and experiences.
    Also we need the hard realisation that those things are fucking disgusting and will lead nowhere but a hole with no bottom.
    Keep focusing on yourself, and make yourself a number one priority.You should be the one imagined in those situations, and dont go hard on yourself, if you dont make it with one girl you will make it with another.
    Just keep grinding brothers, wish you all the luck
     
  8. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    fantasy is always going to be easier than reality.
    Plus, you were attempting to have sex with an audience for the first time. Even without porn that's stressful and mind-bending.
     
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  9. Saythatagain

    Saythatagain Fapstronaut

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    My take is porn alters everyone’s perception of reality. I was introduced to hard core stuff as early as 8, porn stars aren’t stars because they are average. My younger cousin went thru puberty before I did and he was bigger. I saw my grandfather walking around with his big dick flopping around… Therefore, I ended up with an issue with my size and started to compare myself with others, still do at 45.

    Porn had me thinking girls should be overly dramatic and over the top. First girl I hooked up with “performed” as in porn and my dick would go soft every time. I swear I would walk out of her place and look around before I went to my car. She told me that every guy goes soft with her and she was devastated and in tears. I was the first guy to tell her the truth, that guys know porn is fake and it’s more of a turn off than a turn on. She “ loved” it hard and rough but could not cum. After our talk she just wanted me deep inside her and pushing slowly. She came mostly from the closeness and connection, opposite of the porn way.

    We get conditioned certain ways and they are not always right. It’s easier to feel inferior and accept others having bigger dicks and making our women climax like the Fourth of July but it’s not true. But only the guy that’s connected can make her feel certain ways.

    In short man, if you like it then like it. If you feel you don’t have an option but to accept it then stop, breath and know you are capable of way more.
     
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  10. Same story here. Porn induced? Maybe. More likely a response to similar real life experiences, and then made much much worse by turning to porn for comfort.
    Have a crush on a girl only to have my best friend hook up with her instead. Madly attracted to a girl at work only to watch her hook up with another guy. It hurts . . . but when I imagine them together I get even more turned on than imagining myself with the girl. And, I have had cheating girlfriends, so I know how it is when you can picture them so easily.
    I'm assuming that you found this girl really attractive and that's why its so arousing (and frustrating) to imagine her with another guy.
    Do you talk about this with your friend? Does he have a way to contact her? You're trapped in fantasy right now, but if you're single maybe it wouldn't hurt to explore it. Maybe hearing the stories directly from her might not be as triggering as hearing about it from your friend (where your imagination fills in all the details). I think that if your mindful about it, exploring this fantasy might help you to demystify it.
     
  11. WildEntheology

    WildEntheology Fapstronaut

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    Only thing I can add to this conversation is to try reframing your feelings of disgust toward the cucking fetish or the fears of being beta (for lack of a better word). Rather than looking at them with disgust and fear, look at them with compassion and understanding. The simple fact is that these are parts of our lives now whether we want them to be or not. When you look back at these fetishes with disgust or hatred or fear or any other negative emotion, you are giving yourself that emotion. You are quartering off a piece of you and then saying this thing is disgusting and shameful.

    As much sense as it might make to do that, it is actually self-defeating because you're calling a piece of yourself a beta, or a cuck, or a shameful disgrace. When you think about those past memories you aren't looking at someone else and calling them trash, you're literally looking back at yourself and calling yourself trash. What do you think that does to your self-esteem? What do you think that does to your recovery?

    Instead, like I said, give that part of yourself compassion and understanding. Treat it like you would a child, because often enough these split off parts of ourselves really are children. When we go through some horrible experience growing up, that part of ourselves splits off and gets stuck at that age. That's why you have 30 year olds with a trigger finger temper who are really just acting out the powerlessness they felt when they were bullied or abused as a kid. When they get lost in a rage they're living out what it would have been like to finally stand up to their abuser.

    The exact same thing is happening with these fetishes. A part of ourselves has felt powerless and unworthy in our childhood. Then, because of porn addiction it was corrupted and sexualized. Now our answer to that is to demonize that part? To make it feel even more worthless and more powerless? No, the real answer is to give that part of ourselves the love it has been robbed of for all of these years. If you've ever heard about integrating the shadow, this is exactly what that means. You have to love your shadow elements in order to bring them back into the cohesive whole that is you.
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2021
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  12. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    that pretty lame i mean is a real man really liked watching their partners doing adultery ?

    i do understand whats going on in some of lame forum some ppl search for man who want to adultery with his/her partner, and i was having crush on a woman whom her doing an FWB and the story do turn me on but thats a No no my friend, i do believe when we make her partner mean that we love her not just a simple lust and to give permission to do adutry just because of some mere fantasy seem lame to me and scratch the foundation of loving couple

    but that's my two cent bro
     

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