Gym Triggers

I just noticed you're at a really long streak, good stuff! With that in mind, are your goals to take a break from women? Or get back into dating? Or you already see women but find the gym triggering regardless?

Could be your subconscious is saying 'you're ready' but you put it off for various reasons. This is common when we go on a journey of self-improvement, thinking we're waiting until we're 'healed' but we really just kick certain goals down the road.

I could be totally wrong, but thought I would put that out there, especially when many here and on YBOP site will say getting back with women is a big part of rewiring in itself.

 

Yeah 'exposure' therapy is not going to work with pornography because it leads to escalation. With women in person, we're never going to get 'used' to it - we are sort of built to be aroused by women who look 'fertile' - the problem is in the modern world we are seeing that image way more than we would have even 30 years ago.

Personally I find women in that type of clothing (yoga pants, spandex) even more arousing than naked. I used to think this was 'weird' but it actually makes sense because a lot of times the clothes actually emphasize and shape their bodies to even more 'perfect'.

I don't want to get into the whys and wherefores about why they dress like that but that is the effect of them wearing them. (I know this from having had girlfriends who had really nice looking rears in yoga pants, naked, not as much).

I have mentioned this before in other threads but when I was in college (late 1980s/early 90) I maybe saw a woman dressed in tights/leggings once every three or four months - usually a dance major running between classes now I see that same image 3-4 times a day in the city I live in.

It's not going away and we have to find ways to live with it. What has worked best with me is that sense that when I am at the gym I am on a mission.

 

I see man, I think you know what I'm about to say? But we have to get out there some time!

I used to do a very similar thing, in that I wanted to wait for the 'right' girl, and would turn down or avoid opportunities because of this. And yes, sometimes you can save yourself from unnecessary drama. But we also avoid experience.

However, you need a certain amount of 'data', before you can make informed decisions with women. It takes time to learn what they like, what you like, where personalities might clash or both of you can accept flaws in the other.

Regarding shyness: I suffered from this too, still do quite a bit, I think a lot of us do. But here again, experience can make all the difference. You won't go from shy to 007 in a month. But if you do a little bit, regularly, then over a certain amount of time you will change a lot.

You can try with a small habit. Making eye contact with one girl a day. Sounds easy as? You tell me? I used to struggle with just that big time. If that's okay, you can move on to making eye contact and smiling - nothing else.

When those 2 get boring as bat shit, you can add 'hi', or something topical 'hi, nice day isn't it'. If this all sounds elementary and useless, that's okay. We need to start somewhere. And if you tried getting 10 numbers in one day or taking 2 girls home this saturday, how easy would it be to give up...?

The point is, I really believe you will have less distractions at the gym (or wherever the yogis turn up), when you have this practice in the background, knowing you are taking small actions to get to where you want to be.

So in short:
- There's the illusion we have to wait for the perfect girl, but getting experience helps us grow exponentially.
- Change won't happen overnight, but a small habit, over time, will make a big change before you know it.

If this topic is really something you want to change up - I can't recommend the book 'Models' by Mark Manson highly enough!