Help - Obsessed with sexting girls

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Ben199, May 19, 2019.

  1. Ben199

    Ben199 Fapstronaut

    Hey guys, I really need some help and support with an on going issue i have. I am recently in a relationship with a girl who is amazing but due to her long hours at work it means I only get to see her during the weekend. This has lead me to message other girls and sext them basically. I am doing Nofap and am currently about 20 days in and I just cant control the urge to do it. I have no intention of meeting these girls but the thrill of matching on a dating site and sexting them is becoming an issue. I have deleted and re-downloaded the app so many times. I feel so stupid because she is amazing and I dont know why I am seemingly addicted to messaging other girls.

    I am also suffering from delayed ejaculation (hence the NoFap). Has anyone else had any issues like this?
  2. AncestralWarrior

    AncestralWarrior Fapstronaut

    You should spend more time with your girlfriend. Sit down for an hour, look over your schedules together and find the time when you can spend an hour or two together. This can be every day, three times per week, even once per week. You'll have to strengthen your bond, and you'll see how naturally the thoughts about other girls drift away.

    You should also start acquiring female friends. Go out there and talk to them. Be genuine and really out there. First, you will be more popular and you'll be more happy. And the most important thing, you'll learn to value women for who they are and not for their bodies, like you do when sexting them. Try it.

    Wish you luck bro!
    Kazon likes this.
  3. Ben199

    Ben199 Fapstronaut


    Thank you mate. I have now just gone on all of my messaging apps and deleted all the girls I had been talking to over the last few years and had sexted / had pictures from.
  4. Hey man :)

    Ive been in the same situation, it wasnt pure sexting but yea.
    I also used to delete my accounts but ended up making new ones, like you it was never about meeting someone or getting to know someone, it was just a way to get ”porn” sent to me.
    Hell i would never ever touch another woman.

    I couldnt stop, so I decided to tell her about it and some other things, she is so understanding and it helped me, i have never done it since :)
    I would support her just as much if she had done something similar.
  5. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    I would think seeing your girlfriend for only a limited time would keep the encounters special. Try doing something you both enjoy every weekend so you look forward to it instead of sexting.
  6. Wontgiveupeasily

    Wontgiveupeasily Fapstronaut


    This is actually a piece of great advice, the best way to motivate yourself to stop is to constantly and genuinely connect with the person you love. Other than that, if you can do it just take a normal phone with limited features that restrain the usage of apps. It might be irritating at the beginning but if the trade-off will be worth it for not having to wallow in the shame again.
    AncestralWarrior likes this.
  7. TopGun777

    TopGun777 Fapstronaut

    Sexting is just another way of watching porn. From brain's point of view. You can work on your dopamine levels. The source of pleasure should come from natural things like doing your hobbies, going out with friends and so on.
  8. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

    Just fyi, this is cheating.
  9. To you it is, to some its not.
    Dont try to tell people what cheating is.

    I have done similar things, and in MY relationship its just a form of porn.
    I never really "sexted" though, i was anonymous asking for pics more or less on a fetish site.
    It was part of my PA so I managed to let go after telling my girlfriend.

    Stop judging other relationships
  10. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

    Who are you to tell me what i can do and can't do?

    Sexting is cheating, so is watching porn.
    Lilla_My likes this.
  11. Im asking you not to tell others whats considered cheating because it can unnecessarily make people who fight their addiction feel so much worse than they have to do, as EVERY relationship has its own boundaries.

    So you even consider porn to be cheating? I suppose 90% of men being in relationships are cheating then?

    Please, people try so hard to move on and be a better version of themselves, a comment like "Oh btw youre a cheater" etc doesnt help AT ALL, even if they dont consider it to be, your comment could still make them feel even more worthless. Its like pouring gas on a fire.

    Sorry if you think im an asshole but I thought we were here to help eachother out
    tcnumba108 likes this.
  12. Tryinghardtoquit2

    Tryinghardtoquit2 Fapstronaut

    Mate long time chst fiend here so I can relate. Sexting and chat is everybit as addictive as hookups and pirn. Infa t it may lead to an escalation in behaviour like it did for me.

    My psych describes it as like playing the slot invest money (send text / time) you receive a few matches (small payout). You find a suitable partner and engage in phone sex etc and ultimately edge or cum (Dopamine jackpot addictive).

    You repeat the behaviour more and more until it becomes more extreme or frequent at the expense of personal relationships.

    You become consumed by it. It is a dark road and one you don't want to be on. It messes with your head and your values. It leads to worse behaviours.

    Stop reset and get your head around recovery.

    You can do this. You have to.
  13. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

    Lying to them and calling it not_cheating is not helping either. It's the truth and that's what they're doing. If anybody had told me that i was cheating, i would've taken nofap much more seriously in the past.

    You can disagree with me and that's fine.
  14. AncestralWarrior

    AncestralWarrior Fapstronaut

    Hell yeah man! Though, I don't think you're addicted to these apps, rather to sexting itself. You have your phone and you can use it for great things (i.e staying connected with your family, watching educational and helpful videos, and more) so you might want to consider not just throwing it away. Your choice.

    Good luck on your journey!

  15. I understand you, its just that I disagree that its not neccessarily a fact that its cheating, not to all of us, even if its not a good thing to do.

    As i mentioned i did similar things and my fiancee doesnt consider it cheating and neither would i do if she did the same thing.

    But i do get your point
  16. drbt444

    drbt444 Fapstronaut

    Ask yourself would your girlfriend be happy with you sexting?
  17. tzusch

    tzusch Fapstronaut

    I have been doing exactly that for a while now and I feel it is getting way out of hand. I spend most of my evenings matching and talking to women I have no intention of meeting, just for the chance to sext or get a few pictures. I want to use the app just to meet someone I can date and get into a relationship with, but it's hard not to digress into other stuff like that.

    Is there anything in particular that you did to stop this behaviour? I feel it's taking control of me and it scares the same time I want to keep searching for someone I like dating..
  18. GaryMayor

    GaryMayor Fapstronaut

    Exactly! There are many substitutes of porn, working very similarly - chats, erotic stories, social media photos (especially Instagram "models"), photos of celebrities, imagination and fantasies, escorts, pole dance, meeting women in clubbing parties.

    You are not on NoFap if you are sexting and you can't expect effects by simply replacing one kind of porn by other. I would consider such chat visit as a relapse.
  19. Tryinghardtoquit2

    Tryinghardtoquit2 Fapstronaut

    For me it was an issue because I has been doing it whilst married. At first I didn't see it as cheating as I wasn't meeting up with people but like all behaviour it got worse. Progressed into phone sex and worse. Anyway for me I woke up one day in Feb 2016 hungover and anxious. I couldn't live with myself anymore. I told my wife everything and it was bad as you can imagine but it was the beginning of my path to recovery. I didn't quit cold turkey though. I had a billion relapses along the way. But I have learnt a few things which helped me:

    • Porn blockers are a waste of time. You need go learn to live in society with these vices. I accept in the beginning people might find them useful to abstain.
    • Meditation for me was so useful. I use the Headspace app daily. I compare meditation to seeing an accident down the road and taking the off ramp to avoid the collision. It creates distance from your thoughts.
    • Exercise especially cardio has been good for me. I run a lot now. Replace bad habits with healthy habits. Since quitting I have started triathlon and even jogged a marathon. I'm no athlete trust me.
    • Stay of porn, chat and p subs.
    • Never ever lie to yourself about your progress. You are only cheating yourself. Don't blame anyone or anything if you can't quit. It's a cop out and in my opinion it rests solely with you.
    • Tell someone about your habit. Tell your doc or a trusted friend. Get an AP it helps ease the burden you carry.
    • Check out a few resources below. I love Jordan Peterson and David Goggins (particularly his book).
    • Limit alcohol intake

    Untimately your ability or unability to quit porn lies with you and nobody else. If you are single and struggle with Tinder and sexting you need to find another way to meet girls. Hit me up on a PM f you want to discuss anything further.
    tcnumba108, tzusch and GaryMayor like this.
  20. Tryinghardtoquit2

    Tryinghardtoquit2 Fapstronaut

    Can confirm wife was NOT happy!
    drbt444 likes this.

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