Hi. This is my story.

Hi everybody. I kept it to myself for a long time, but I realized that I needed to write somewhere. Here I want to talk about my problems, my life, and the consequences that I am still struggling with. There will be a lot of writing that will be supplemented. You don't have to write anything. Here I want to speak out, pour out everything that is going on in my soul.


I am 28 years old now. All my childhood, my parents raised me using abusive relationships, authoritarian upbringing, did not let me decide things on my own, considered me their toy. By the time I entered school, I was learning to hide my real emotions under the mask of a smile, because my parents always said, "you're a man, so be patient," or "What problems can you have at your age? Here we have a problem."
I was often punished, constantly yelled at when I sat for a long time in my homework and could not understand it. They often slapped me on the back of the head. I grew up thinking such things were normal, that if that's what happens in my life, then other people's childhood goes the same way.
To any of my attempts to solve problems myself, they laughed and went to solve everything for me. My mom could often call my school to ask how my grades were, thus controlling me even more. I didn't have many friends, I became insecure, I didn't know what communication, normal friendship, and attention from girls were. After studying at one school for 9 years, I was expelled from one school, and I enrolled in another. My mother worked at this other school, so it became even easier for her to keep an eye on me. By that time, my confidence was completely suppressed, I was an easy target for ridicule, and I did not know how to oppose these people. My attempts at rebellion were met with even more bullying, including physical bullying.

When it got to me, I went to my parents, asking them to transfer me to another school. But they wouldn't listen to anything. Instead of support, they also started to mock me, and say how helpless I am, and I can't fight back. It lasted 2 years. 2 years of hell. Now, a long time after graduating from school, I remember that place with strong disgust.
At the time of writing this post, I live in another country, I have moved away from my family, whom I hate, who are still trying to continue to control me.

Now, at the moment of writing this, I feel like I am gradually letting go, a calm state returns, and anger recedes.
Life goes on, and we must do everything to be stronger for tomorrow. I hope that someday these problems will be left behind, and I will take a deep and calm breath, knowing that I have come a long way, and I will be able to call myself happy.
Thanks for reading it. And have a nice day. =)

 

Part 2.

Time went on, Life flowed on. I have made 1 friend all the time. A friend with whom I still keep in touch. He had a completely different upbringing. He was the exact opposite of me. Tall, the soul of the company, a favorite of girls. I don't know how it happened, but we became best friends. I am a person who does not know how and is afraid to show emotions, fat (by that time the difference between my height and weight was + 15-20 kg), constantly smiling because of the developed protective mechanism, and he is my first and only friend.

The first grades at school, our communication with him did not work out. I'll skip the details, but after a while we became very friendly. It was a joyous event in my life, full of abuse, control and toxicity.

But he's the one who got me hooked on porn. After that, in fact, the story began, which continues to this day.