Hocd 70+ days, still struggling, please help

Rebuilder4455 · Feb 11, 2022

Hello everybody
My situation is pretty much same with others here. I am 21M, having pmo 10 years now and suffering from hocd the last one (I was lying down on my sofa thinking of my s problem and a thought of being gay came and hasn't left) . I have always been straight. Until 11 I was a mess. I had low self esteem, family issues, I was scared that everyone laughed at me but I was always in love with a girl. After 11 I was a social person and had a good life. I had about 5 relationships and s in 2 of them.

Hocd hit me in a very distressing period. I lived alone to see my gf twice per week at quarantine. Loneliness, boredom, not interacting with the world, no interest in studies, no friends, no life at all. I had problems in bed and with my gf too. The only f****** pleasure I got was from p. By the time it was getting more and more difficult to have an o with sex. I remember me to have outstanding s only when I was at vacation because i had stopped pmo for about a week (I didn't know that back then) .
I had not idea that p fed hocd and it may be the core of my s problem. I used to reassure (for not being gay) myself by ejacuating almost twice a day. I just masturbated and sometimes without 100% erection. As the time was passing I was loosing my interest in everything, in my studies, in s, in everything. I just continued to do this. The things that i have done to reassure me are crazy man. I had two p open. Everytime i checked to gay stuff i just couldn't do anything. I was trying to imagine me in the scenes and stuff but my d was fallen immediately. When i was watching straight porn i was on again. I did this f****** thing almost everyday.

As I said I was loosing my attraction towards women (5 months now) . Then I found nofap and the same day I was not only disgusted,I was devastated. I destroyed my life. Twice gay thoughts had came while i was having s and i think that I ejacuated without even consider them. I was terrified. I relapsed two times to straight p but I decided to stop this f***** habit. So I did. I am around day 70 now and the hocd stays in my fking head all the time. I have urges to masturbate but I do not. Once I did (without orgasm) thinking of weird stuff and I was about to ejacuate if I was continuing (day 50). Also I still have not back my interest in women. I don't know what to do. I have tried very hard this period but I haven't seen the outcome I expected. Please help.

Battlestar · Feb 11, 2022

Porn poisons your mind, like any compulsive sexual activity. Porn causes thoughts because you see all sorts of disgusting things, whether you look for them or not. You end up having all kinds of obsessive thoughts because of it. It's just a bunch of garbage in your head. The thoughts don't really mean anything except that you are messed up from porn. The fact that you are upset about it proves that it's not really you.

It's awesome you quit porn. It may take time for your mind to heal. If you have a bad thought ignore it. Fighting it gives it strength. You are paying more attention to it by fighting it and engaging with it. Remember it's not really what you want, and it's not really you. It's just a thought. There's so much pressure to become gay. Watching the media you would think that 20% or more of people are gay, and even more than that are bi. It's not true.

You will not loose your attraction to women, even if you don't feel it very much right now. Being straight isn't the same thing as having a crush on a particular girl, having a girlfriend, or being sexually active in some way. It's part of your biology. You don't have to be pursuing someone, or in a relationship all the time. It's ok. Try to develop positive non-sexual relationships with women. Having sex with multiple partners causes problems.

Rebuilder4455 · Feb 12, 2022

Battlestar said: ↑

Porn poisons your mind, like any compulsive sexual activity. Porn causes thoughts because you see all sorts of disgusting things, whether you look for them or not. You end up having all kinds of obsessive thoughts because of it. It's just a bunch of garbage in your head. The thoughts don't really mean anything except that you are messed up from porn. The fact that you are upset about it proves that it's not really you.

It's awesome you quit porn. It may take time for your mind to heal. If you have a bad thought ignore it. Fighting it gives it strength. You are paying more attention to it by fighting it and engaging with it. Remember it's not really what you want, and it's not really you. It's just a thought. There's so much pressure to become gay. Watching the media you would think that 20% or more of people are gay, and even more than that are bi. It's not true.

You will not loose your attraction to women, even if you don't feel it very much right now. Being straight isn't the same thing as having a crush on a particular girl, having a girlfriend, or being sexually active in some way. It's part of your biology. You don't have to be pursuing someone, or in a relationship all the time. It's ok. Try to develop positive non-sexual relationships with women. Having sex with multiple partners causes problems.
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Just mention the facts. It is really hard to have a great relationship and not be able to function. I don't know if you are aware of the stages of change. I feel that I am in it every 1-2 weeks since I decided to overcome p addiction. Sometimes I am so proud of myself if I put this aside but it always comes back. Appreciate your advices .

Battlestar · Feb 13, 2022

I can't offer anything about your relationship, but I can understand how that's distressing.

When you M to P you are flooding your brain with chemicals that re-enforce sex with porn. It's a habit, but stronger. You are forming a chemical and neurological connection between P, the kind of P you look at, and sexual stimulus. You are re-wiring your brain to respond to what you look at. It also de-sensitizes your brain to other things.

Deleted Account · May 6, 2022

Yeah hanging out with girls in a non sexual manner could help. Seeing her smile, giggle, touch her hair, smell her perfume, and cuddle with her. Those things will help you get over it and realize you are straight. I have a little bit of minor ocd with sexual thoughts, and know it can be hard. Absolute mood killer. But remember how it was like 10 years ago when you were first interested in girls? Your crush was like the most beautiful girl in the world. Porn numbs us to that but eventually we will get back to that equilibrium.

Daddyisuehere · Jun 25, 2022

Deleted Account said: ↑

Yeah hanging out with girls in a non sexual manner could help. Seeing her smile, giggle, touch her hair, smell her perfume, and cuddle with her. Those things will help you get over it and realize you are straight. I have a little bit of minor ocd with sexual thoughts, and know it can be hard. Absolute mood killer. But remember how it was like 10 years ago when you were first interested in girls? Your crush was like the most beautiful girl in the world. Porn numbs us to that but eventually we will get back to that equilibrium.
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I experienced it too... 6 years ago I was very attracted to girls... and had sex with my girlsdriend and after addicted to P yers by yers

I was bored and out of nowhere came I started watching gayporn and wanted to fuck a guy

i don't think i am gay.. because i never had deep feelings for men.. just want sex with men! don't fall in love don't want to be together without sex
and after watching gayporn and having sex with men i feel guilty and sorry.. i want to go back to how i used to be.. fall in love
am i homophobic or HODC??? Plis help

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Hocd 70+ days, still struggling, please help

Rebuilder4455 Fapstronaut

Battlestar Fapstronaut

Rebuilder4455 Fapstronaut

Battlestar Fapstronaut

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Daddyisuehere Fapstronaut

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