Ok so im writing his cause i want to Change my life. (SORRY THIS IS LONG IF YOU READ THIS AND COMMENT IT IS GREATLY APPRECIATED )and be happy again. I’m 16 years old a JR I’m a high school stoner. That does well in school and is also physically active, I power lift. But I’m addicted to porn and it led me to have HOCD. I have been PMOing for about 5 years now. And when I 1st started it was bad like 2-3 times a day. Some times more. But I’ve alwayed did it once a day . When I hit 9th grade I was doing it only once or twice and started to get bored of porn. I used to watch it like it was tv. I would watch anything straight I always liked girls. I’ve dated girls never had any interest in guys like until I started watch porn on a daily I was confident out going like myself. Lately is been horrible I’ve been depressed for 2 years now. Always so sad, I’ve started smoking weed it definitely helps with my anxiety and all that good stuff. As I’m typing this I’m a good 2 blunts in. Anyways, I would always have stomach aces to these intrusive thoughts. I had no desire to go out and fuck dudes, but I thought I was gay cause I was thinking about it and I think the transwoman porn that I got into is the case. But I just want it gone and I relapsed after 4 days my longest is about 12 days but I gave it to the urges . Ik I’m not gay but it just freaks me out and puts me in a bad place. Not to mention that I’m super quite and introverted extrovert. Really depnense On the setting. A mojorty of the time I’m in my head and super quiet. Recently I’ve been trying to meditate to help with my HOCD. But they just come in my head and it scared me and I’ll get a gronial response and I don’t want it it will scare the shit outta me and turn my stomach. I read on here that the anxiety can like rush the nerves causing a response in the area. I used to have dreams waking up in cold sweats because of a gay dream I had it was horrible. I had a girlfriend at the time and as I’m happy as I was she always put a smile on my face. It was great but we had a falling out. I have to says the effects where negative. Later I went to a party and lost my virginity to a very attractive girl; I’d have to say a 9/10. We later did it on a daily. But I moved away and she was the closes that I had to a friend. It’s all been a bad Trip. I’ve decided to reach out to here to get rid and keep you guys updated on my progress. And all information you guys can give would be great thank you and have a great day.