How can i stop being mister nice guy?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by frankied, Sep 24, 2015.

  1. frankied

    frankied Fapstronaut

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    I notice that i don't know people who really dislike me, and that i never get into a fight. This is sometimes bothering me, because it feels like i let my values and opinions down just because someone else has a different one, and i don't want to get into an argument or fight.

    I notice this at school, there are some guys i like, but there is also one guy who i don't really like, but it's like i am telling myself i like him, and i am not really arguing against him, so basicly he can just run over me. i wonder how it would be to just go hard against someones opinion without feeling awkward about it, i think it would feel great, just expressing myself always.

    Anyone experience the same and has some advice on how to overcome this to only keep the people in my life i really value and throw away the ones i don't connect with ??
     
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  2. I think its more about understanding yourself and creating a value for yourself. Just stop thinking about others, whether you like them or not. Develop values in yourself that makes you likeable.
     
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  3. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure if the task is to fight everyone who lives or speaks contrary to our own values. Is the goal to make ourselves feel better by shooting other people down or challenging them? Would this really strengthen our position or speak to our strong inner character? Or, rather, is our goal to win others over to our side, perhaps, whenever this might be possible? If the latter is true, then this will not really be achieved by shooting people down and readily being on the defense in all such occasions. Rather, it may be better to just personally be strong interiorly with our positions in life regardless of what others say and how they choose to live. Our boat need not be driven by their wind. When we are self-assured, our own lifestyle and inner peace and happiness will be a testimony to our own positions in life, and this is ultimately noticed and this can draw people without our having to proselytize to them, which can be a turn off. Sometimes we can challenge other people's positions directly in a calm, cool, good-will, and peaceful way - like pointing out a little flaw in their logic (like asking a follow-up question via the Socratic method). Also, we can empathetically walk through the logic of their own position and see where it hits a snag in the road? Such an approach is not a direct attack, and it may even be enlightening to the other person himself - which was our ultimate goal. Remember, our goal is not to try to draw our anger - but this could result. Also, sometimes we can empathize and see another person's reasoning but express that while we get what they're saying (understanding the premise), we do not think that it will really lead to the desired outcome they are hoping for (the conclusion). A lot depends on context of whether we should act or not, and we do not always need to respond. Sometimes wisdom means to be silent - in general, the wise man prefers to be silent unless there is some more important reason to speak. We don't always have to defend ourselves in everything (we're not that insecure - or are we? That's the point), but we may be duty-bound to speak when some lie might malign someone's character or cause a serious damage that needs to be intercepted or some such.

    A good movie that might be worth watching is Gandhi (it comes to my mind, by chance), who advocated a peaceful way of nonviolent resistance when absolutely needed and/or humility, silence, and self-groundedness otherwise.

    Just some thoughts. Best wishes, friend.
     
  4. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    I think he means he wants to be polarizing, like Donald Trump.
     
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  5. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

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    LOL - Yeah, that Trump dude is a big train wreck waiting to happen. Just watch!
     
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  6. Amukadi8

    Amukadi8 Fapstronaut

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    Read these E-books when You have the time my brother, Im sending positive and empowering thoughts your way :cool:;)
     

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  7. Sinner

    Sinner Guest

    Well, in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with being like you, always nice to everybody even with those who are rude to you, if that's the way you are, why would you change it? Just to become someone rude? The world is full of rude guys, we need more like you.
     
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  8. Calm

    Calm Fapstronaut

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    This.

    Thanks for that post!
     
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  9. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    That's not what being a nice guy means
     
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  10. Calm

    Calm Fapstronaut

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    Not when it comes to the Game and PUA underworld hahhahahaah
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2015
  11. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    Not when it comes to negotiating with your boss either.
     
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  12. riley5556

    riley5556 Guest

    stop being with friends with so many girls that have boyfriends.
     
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  13. ThePeacocksTale

    ThePeacocksTale Fapstronaut

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    Not sure if anyone else has recommended this book but No More Mr.Nice Guy by Dr. Robert A Glover is the perfect book! Theres a lot of activities and I am about halfway through, It would be awesome to have someone to be able to talk to about the activities and share ideas. Book will change your life!
     
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  14. yousuff

    yousuff Fapstronaut

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    First try to learn how to be yourself. No pretending. Try to be happy just the way you are.
     
  15. FapOut

    FapOut Fapstronaut

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    As some have suggested, "No More Mr.Nice Guy" is the book for you, it helped me loads and I feel like I improved thanks to it, I can relate to you and to the many stories in the book, I started reading it a year ago and I still didn't finish it, but it's totally worth your time, best of luck =)
     
  16. Verhart

    Verhart Fapstronaut

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    Plus Mark Manson's 'Models'.
     

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