Hello guys, I'm new to this forum. I would like to ask you for some advice because I'm losing myself for the last 3 months.
I have never had sexual problems before, even though I watch porn and masturbate since 12. Most of the time I was watching vanilla videos, sometimes I wanted to see something more hardcore but nothing too weird (threesomes, etc.). I also never treated porn as something personal, it was always some kind of stress relief and the way to fulfill my desires. I think it is necessary to add - I was always and I am still a jealous person, with a romantic view on the relationship and zero fetishes.
At the age of 17, I met a girl and fell in love with her she reciprocates my feelings and the years flew in a happy, romantic way with great sexual life.
The problem started now - at the age of 20, I and my girlfriend went to university - I'm in a different city now, but it is like 40 minutes distance between me and her so we meet twice a week, sometimes even more often. In the beginning, everything was awesome but in January 2019 things started to change because of my loneliness in another city ( have high libido) - I started to watch porn, too much of it and then I found cuckold, femdom videos. At first, I had no idea what was going on in there because English is not my native language and out of simple curiosity I wanted to find out what is the meaning of "cuckold". I found some website with weird stories of people calling themselves "cuckolds" and was pretty much disgusted of what I read. Now I need to mentions that I might have OCD because since I remember I had different kinds of obsessive thoughts, connected to religion, sexuality, my intelligence, my health, etc. but I was always able to defeat them after a short period of time.
I was so disgusted (never masturbated to it or anything) that I wanted to find out why people do that kind of shit and started to read their stories. I was feeling more and more disgusted and was trying to imagine myself in this situation. Finally, I defeated the thoughts and was happy till march.
In March, I was watching porn again and on the main website, I found a video of cuckolding. I did not watch it, but the title made me fear and imagine myself in the situation again. Days passed and I was more and more stressed out. I could not stop thinking about it, I could not even sleep or learn. Now it is June and I am not stressed out anymore. Even my libido came back, but there is one HUGE problem - because of all this stress and imagining me and my girlfriend in situations so hurtful to me I started to lose emotions. I can't love as much as I did before, I feel like I stopped caring about my relationships because of it. But I know I love her and want to finally get rid of those memories, stress and thinking about porn. I became a little addicted to masturbation - fapped 2 times a day, watching vanilla porn every day. Now I'm trying to give up on porn. And here is my question - do you think it will help me bring my old self back? My self-confidence, the feeling of love not only knowing about it, and full relief of thoughts about this porn? Is there any way to reboot my brain? I feel like myself only the first 5 minutes after waking up then well, you know... Please, help me
I have never had sexual problems before, even though I watch porn and masturbate since 12. Most of the time I was watching vanilla videos, sometimes I wanted to see something more hardcore but nothing too weird (threesomes, etc.). I also never treated porn as something personal, it was always some kind of stress relief and the way to fulfill my desires. I think it is necessary to add - I was always and I am still a jealous person, with a romantic view on the relationship and zero fetishes.
At the age of 17, I met a girl and fell in love with her she reciprocates my feelings and the years flew in a happy, romantic way with great sexual life.
The problem started now - at the age of 20, I and my girlfriend went to university - I'm in a different city now, but it is like 40 minutes distance between me and her so we meet twice a week, sometimes even more often. In the beginning, everything was awesome but in January 2019 things started to change because of my loneliness in another city ( have high libido) - I started to watch porn, too much of it and then I found cuckold, femdom videos. At first, I had no idea what was going on in there because English is not my native language and out of simple curiosity I wanted to find out what is the meaning of "cuckold". I found some website with weird stories of people calling themselves "cuckolds" and was pretty much disgusted of what I read. Now I need to mentions that I might have OCD because since I remember I had different kinds of obsessive thoughts, connected to religion, sexuality, my intelligence, my health, etc. but I was always able to defeat them after a short period of time.
I was so disgusted (never masturbated to it or anything) that I wanted to find out why people do that kind of shit and started to read their stories. I was feeling more and more disgusted and was trying to imagine myself in this situation. Finally, I defeated the thoughts and was happy till march.
In March, I was watching porn again and on the main website, I found a video of cuckolding. I did not watch it, but the title made me fear and imagine myself in the situation again. Days passed and I was more and more stressed out. I could not stop thinking about it, I could not even sleep or learn. Now it is June and I am not stressed out anymore. Even my libido came back, but there is one HUGE problem - because of all this stress and imagining me and my girlfriend in situations so hurtful to me I started to lose emotions. I can't love as much as I did before, I feel like I stopped caring about my relationships because of it. But I know I love her and want to finally get rid of those memories, stress and thinking about porn. I became a little addicted to masturbation - fapped 2 times a day, watching vanilla porn every day. Now I'm trying to give up on porn. And here is my question - do you think it will help me bring my old self back? My self-confidence, the feeling of love not only knowing about it, and full relief of thoughts about this porn? Is there any way to reboot my brain? I feel like myself only the first 5 minutes after waking up then well, you know... Please, help me
. Better come here and talk. And start working out, jogging, dancing, swimming, martial art (good to train and tame the mind and body) when you feel you need to defeat stress. Stay clean and focus on what you REALLY want. You are a hero.