How to not regret and feel sad about past?

Easier said than done, but you need to focus on the present instead of the past. Try to redirect those negative feelings and thoughts about the past into something productive, meditate, try
mantras, and practice letting them go.

You can check out here for some tips on letting go of negative thoughts, and can serve as a starting point if you’re interested.

I’m getting older and it’s a constant battle of this or that, and a life full of quite a few regrets and guilt, but continuously obsessing over them and letting them consume me doesn’t serve any purpose other than to make me miserable and depressed.

 

I feel that. As much as there is stuff to be gleaned from reflection on the past and all a that, at the same time you can't drive yourself forward if you're mind's eye is glued to the rear-view mirror, so...

I think at a certain age you've gotta just let all that stuff be in the past. And if it bubbles up from time to time and makes ya sad, let that be too. Somebody wise said once that controlling thoughts is like smoothing rough waters with a flat iron, lol... I think that's a good line. And applies here, in that the only way to really let go of anxious, depressing, longing or melancholic thoughts is to let them come and go- they'll float on by as quick as they came, and then you can get back to focusing on the present, where life really is.

Helps to have shtuff to really live for now of course... But if that isn't apparent, then maybe the adventure of finding stuff to really live for now, that will bring you into the felt experience of your immediate present is what life is calling ya to do...

Regardless, good luck fellow homo sapien. Tis a strange af time for our species... Keep movin' forward

 

It's tricky, I personally avoid thinking about the past as much as I can.

I can recommend the book Personality isn't permanent which helped me a lot. In essence it's a book about becoming future focused. I think it pushes it a bit further than most people would be the ideas in there are very much worth reading. There's an interesting passage in there talking about how you see the present and the future will also affect how you see and think about the past and about how the past, present and future 'you' all sort of exist simultaneously because of that.

 

There comes a point where you just realize there's no benefit from dwelling on the past. The moment has gone, you made the decisions you made, and they are now part of your story. The only place you have any power is in the present moment.

This isn't an exact analogy, but it feels similar: I experienced a brutal heartbreak when I was 23. I was engaged to be married to a woman who I thought was the girl of my dreams, and she broke off our engagement due to my struggles with porn. It was visceral. I couldn't function at work and I was severely depressed. I actually moved back home for a year just to get over it.

I spent months grieving the loss of that relationship, holding out hope, praying that she'd change her mind and God would somehow bring her back, etc. etc. Finally, there just came a day where I had this thought: she's out there living her life and making new experiences, and I'm stuck because I can't let go. I realized that the world was moving forward without me, and I was the only one holding myself back from pursuing the life I wanted. Once I really absorbed that, I was able to let go.

The serenity prayer might bring some comfort and balance into your thinking: "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

 

I find very helpful to ask for God's forgiveness when feeling ashamed or guilty about something.

 

If you were not "your past" would you feel regret and sadness about it?

 

We tend to desire good things in the past and not think about the bad things in the past. Sure, there may have been good things that happened in your past, but there were also bad things, I would imagine. Not everything that happened in the past was good. It's very easy to fawn over my past relationship, but I know that that it contributed to making me into the man that I am today. If I were able to go back in time and live through that relationship again, there's no guarantee that things would work out better than they are now.

Our experience(s) mold us into the people we are today. Don't despise that. Every day is a new opportunity for meeting new people, setting new goals and experiencing new things. Sure, our lives could feasibly be better, but there are always ways in which our life could be worse. We as humans are always evolving. In my view, only the really stupid people never change.

Arise, my friend. Dust yourself off and embrace each day.

 

What if there is no such thing as “everlasting and irreversible consequences”? What if we are not condemned for all eternity for past transgressions ? What if you are not memory?

 

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. Yes, I have long felt that something is approaching, which has been confirmed by various traditions from around the world.
What I’ve been trying to say to you is that if there is no eternal condemnation it doesn’t mean there is no price to pay for past transgressions. Once that “debt” is paid then the essence/soul is free to start again. What if “hell” is a place of purification, not punishment? Though, of course that purification is painful to say the least.

 

Spend more time thinking about the future instead. Because in the future there is a remedy for a bad past.