I’m so confused!!!

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Dvs123, Jun 1, 2018.

  1. Dvs123

    Dvs123 Fapstronaut

    Hey, I relapsed today after a 5 day streak, you see i suffer from ocd, pure O to be more specific and one of the subjects of ocd is hocd. I started watching porn at age 9, vanilla porn, seing boobs and stuff at age 13 i escalated into, straight explicit porn, everything was so arousing and all, i used to see pictures of naked women too and stuff. There was this time where i was fantasizing about a woman and the thought of a boy came to my head i didnt care and that did not aroused me. After a while I escalated into incest porn and zoofilia and a little bit of lesbian, that was a red flag and I stopped with porn videos but i started looking and reading erotica, including gay erotica that was when the hocd hit, i then as a way of checking myself went to gay porn and was totally disgusted by it. Until the day everything changed, i had a cousin to sleep over my home and when i woke up the other day i had a thought telling me i was raped, i then proceeded to check porn and to my surprise i was aroused by it and that made me freak out and i still check and i still get so aroused and stuff, i still watch other porn and it arouses me but not as much as pictures of gay men and all, in real life though girls still arouse me but im going mad what the hell can somebody help?
  2. I understand. I’m married and got hooked on gay porn. Haven’t seen porn for two weeks. But I started prostate milking. Need to stop
  3. pathogen541

    pathogen541 Fapstronaut

    I can't relate to being aroused by gay porn, however I can relate to the desire to seek else where for a "high". The endorphin kick we get from an orgasm is an addicting feeling, and porn, just like drugs, gets old after a while, so we move onto something different. Maybe gay porn is just what works right now? Maybe you are closeted and like dudes. Either is cool. If you feel like something is wrong with you, ask yourself why? What is it about being aroused by the pictures is upsetting to you? If you feel you were raped, then you need to go to the authorities man. If you are struggling with HOCD, perhaps look into cognitive behavioral therapy as a means of coping with some of the symptoms that may be holding you back, I struggle with retro active jealousy which is similar to HOCD. That feeling is fucking terrible but i've found CBT and Mindfulness to be very helpful.
  4. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/exposure-therapy-hocd

    Here's the quickest summary of what I got from reading the YBOP discussed in the link above:

    As I understand it, what this article says is that when you stop porn, which you have to do, the intrusive thoughts will get worse before they get better. You must not give them importance. You must not test yourself or otherwise seek relief. You must simply acknowledge that the thoughts are there, but do something else. Eventually the thoughts lose their power.This is my understanding from reading that article.

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