I am an addict, and this is my trip.

Day ten
Double digit and I am soo happy, and the best of all is the manner that these days have passed, in calm, peace, without urges or badthoughts and avoid the triggers and tentations, these steps have keep me in a safe place.
Day eleven
Today I comprobe that when you are very busy with important things your brain don't have space to trifles. The life is outside, never, nerver in a screen, see lies and autoliing, the real life is millions times more interesting, amazing, incredible, atractive etc .... Get you the chance to know the real life and change the bad habits to become a better person.
We are in saturday, so I have reached the second small goal of ths week, and I hope reach the last one, of this week and go for more. I am bery happy with my present, avery day won small battles that comfort me and motivate me to follow n this way, keep motivtion is clue to don't give up, find reasons and each day the life get us.
Believe you, you have the strong to get whatever that you want.

 

Day 12 - Day 13
Sunday and monday (holiday in my country) were a common days in my life, with much laziness and family. About nofap, nothing special, I continue without bad thoughts or similars, and I am soo happy. Besides, this weekend I went out with friends and I felt few more confidence to interact with other persons in general, the sensation is tiny, but I think is real.
My goal is accompany this nofap journey with a more productive attitude in my study and start gym life, ovbiously, without forget my virtues, on the contrary, promote it every day; I hope reach it, but I have to change many habits in my life diary, go out to my confort zone and begin a total change of life, nofap is one of the parts, maybe the most important, but the others are worthy too.
The last small goal of this week is near, to complete it are two hours away. The next goal is going to catch JULY 1, four days since tomorrow, each day I feel more internal strength, but I can't relax, never, I can't let that the monster grow up or closer, no!
Go rigo go!

 

Day fourteen
I reached the last small goal of this week, I was so nervous because yesterday was holiday here, and generally I waste these days and sometimes finished in bad habits, but yesterday not, I spend all day studying with friends and with my family.
This is a long process, that easy can spend years, I think so, but despite the long way, it have a start point, I really want and hope be there, where the amazing things are close to pass and life shine more. But, everything come with effort and discipline, I know it.
Fast way is NOT valid !!

 

I am in summer holidays, that is bad to my intentions to nofap, because I tend to waste my time and I became enough inclined to relapse; and this is one of the triggers to me, leisure, because my brain have space to digress and unconsciously arrive to bad thoughts. The joke of all is that I have many tasks but I postpone it because I don't have pressure to finish it (procrastination).
I have to be strict and careful with my thoughts.
Small goals built a big dream.

 

Day eighteen
Saturday and I reached 18 days free and clean, I have to accept that las two days I had some badthoughts and I haven't been totally calm and this is worrisome, in the other side I am happy to reach this number of days, is an important number and the cofidence increase each day. I hope continue in this way.

 

Relapse and relapse and relapse again .....
Last days haven't been calm like previous, I was anxious and altered; and some badthoughts have been passing through my head.
Saturday I had class in the morning, and in the afternoon I didn't have any to do, idleness was my plan, idleness was the worst or one of the worts triggers to me, I waste all the afternoon dreaming and eating, but in the night I was in the computer and I can't control me; I search webcams and I only saw about one hour, but then I can't tolerate more and about midnight I relapsed, I threw to garbage eighteen days, all the effort and sacrifice disappeared in hour and thirty minutes.
Sunday, I entered in web at night, and again uncosciously I finished in webcams and I relapsed again, in the same way, and the feelings after was the same, disgrace, shame, pain, dirt etc.....
The worst of this storie is that today I took my coputer to enter in nofap and write, but again I fell me, I relapse, again in the same way, webcams, some minutes were enoguh to I relapsed, I can't control and right now I feel like a shit, three days fatality to my proud, my attitude, my confidence, again like before, deceive me, deceive my dreams and my desires. My change life is not arrive yet, but I am aware that I don't deserve it, it require sacrifice and commitment and I haven't put on this in the game. If I really want amazing changes in my life, I have to put all that I hace and morein this journey, not exist other way.
Dream, and believe that you can reach it.

 

Considerations Postrelapse
Each time, when I relapse the feelings are worse, more disappointed and desillusioned; I know that this sensations are momentary but is difficult to carry, because it can knock down to the floor. I waste 18 fantastic days, full of freedom and cleanliness and more important in CALM, that peace that only you get when you make things well and let you think that you can get whatever that you want.
But despite this I can't give up, it is not in my plans, I think that soon will come many battles to me, more difficult and all of this is trainning to overtake it. I can't lose the energy and enthusiasm; on the contrary I have to stand up stronger than before, remove dust and start again, but now with more commitment and learn about past mistakes, with my soul full of hope to the future, where my dream life is waiting for me.
Right now my goals are bigger than yesterday, I want a bigger target, but it requires more small steps, many many small steps. The first small goal of this restart is reach July 9, it is a birthday of one important person to me and I would like to be clean and looks bright.
What do you really want? Dream your life or live your dream !!!

 

Day one
Last days I have lost many time, I have gone back in my war against PMO, overall was the same way, I was study in home, bedroom, in the afternoon and suddenly I thought "Ey how about If I enter in webcams to see few minutes, ok, nothing will pass, only enter see some girls and exit; without relapse, you have control to yourself" finally I cna't control and the result is Relapse!! These days have been the same and the same result, since last saturday, only have been clean tuesday, wednesday and saturday, I feel sad for this, suddenly I lost the progress and right now I am starting again.
And now the rules changes, relapse will be see Pornography too, not only masturbation and O, see aware pornography is fall, so it's time to change, no more relax in this journey.
Again: One day is worth, and I hope this day one be the starting point to my BIG storie.

 

Day three
These three days have passed fast, I have been busy with tasks and I didn't have time to think in relapse. I hope that the lasts journey have been learning and practice to reach an amazing days with nofap and get the change in my life that I drem everyday.
Friday the moments postrelapse were terrible, I felt really bad and diasppointing with myself, I can say that It was one of the worst moments in my war against porn, feelings and depression was really hard, because I was fine and recovering confidence and obtaining benefits, and suddenly I relapse many times in short time; so I was desesperate to lost the control of my actions. I had to went out to find calm, fresh air and better thoughts. wakking I found it, it always is nice to me, I feel serene and peaceful; besides I wet to a church, to search the same, calm. I am aware the commitment is with myself, (and with God, but I have to work in that), I haven't trick me, and I have to mature.
More days, more benefits.

 

Day six
This week I have been really busy, I am the last days of this semester and I am full of tasks and homeworks, I am ending a workgroup and we are some stress. Seriously I haven't had time to think in anything, any badthoughts or urges; only I have written with a girl, and we seduce mutually.
I hope continue busy with many important things, and can do all the works that I have, focus my energy and time in this, stop to waste my time in PMO, porn is a big lie.
Busy mind, no waste!.

 

Day eight
I have been busy busy with a workteam, we are in the final stage to this project and have many things to do. Thta keep me busy all day, but some badthoughts pass fron my mind, but no more. I really want complete the next week, it 's important to me, it could be that spark to lead and overcome my addiction, rreach more days and get many confidence.
I have to be more disciplined, some I waste in facebook or in thoughts that take my time, but each day I improve (in small steps) this.
Only think in the benefits, but don't forget to work; If you have to work differrent, do it, It get different results!

 

Day zero
And I am here, again in zero. I have lost amount of powerfull and I have relapsed many frecuently last days. I can't continue in this way, I can't, I have to generate a change in my interior. I have to start a new incredible and string storie, tomorrow, with one day, I am going to come back. wait me!