As I feared ( I mentionned it in my previous posts), my addiction has indeed esalated to high extremes. I spent almost all my free time watching P... It of course lead me to a very severe depression and my anxiety is crippling ( I cannot make eye contact with people, nor speak to anyone ever). An example; today I was supposed to read some texts for my classes but I couldn't contain the urge and I watched P... and not for a few minutes... for a full 4 hours (my d has become very numb so it takes me between 4-5 hours each time and I do it every day). I also became desensitized to vanilla and normal P, so I pretty much checked every kind there is, and I even stumbled upon stuff that I should never have seen, some of which left me traumatised and left me with a bad feeling of shock mixed with fear, guilt shame and paranoia ( as I already said many times before). Alas, now I am not a man: but a man I once was, I used to be a happy and intelligent young man with an interest in wisdom and spirituality (not that religious but a firm believer nonetheless) . Now, I am a beast that no reasoning faculties and that is governed by its impulses and various desires! Anyway, I just want to step out of my cyclical, ever repeating Hell and once more aim for the stars.