I don't want to quit!

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Makingitthistime, Jul 30, 2020.

  1. Makingitthistime

    Makingitthistime Fapstronaut

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    I need a break from pmo for a while because I'm experiencing some negative consequences caused by extreme indulgence recently. But it's just a "need".. A "necessity" not a genuine desire. I realized I don't really "want" to quit porn. I am addicted? Yes ofcourse and I like my porn!. This is not a troll post or anything like that.. I'm just being honest and it makes me confused because part of me doesn't want to ever stop watching porn and part of me intuiting that's healthy to abstain and only have real sex. And ofcourse my mind is like "maybe moderation is the golden rule"
    .. How to reconcile that?
     
    Garek likes this.
  2. Well if you can actually manage to observe moderation... The more power to you.

    Do what is best for you. There is no one fixed way, anyway! :)
     
  3. You see the contradiction in this? there is one part of you that likes porn and another part of you that doesn't and wants to stop. These two are not separate, they are both part of you. Obviously it is your decision to keep watching porn but as long as there is this contradiction in your mind, it will continue to hurt you. I think you are looking at this addiction as two separate things. The "I" that wants and the "I" that doesn't they are both still the "I" Maybe this makes sense, but with this division, your mind will try and justify, think it over, what is right and what is wrong and the rabbit hole just goes on.
     
  4. Makingitthistime

    Makingitthistime Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure if I can consume it in moderation since that's what I keep telling myself I'm gonna do every time I end up binging!
     
    Candun likes this.
  5. Makingitthistime

    Makingitthistime Fapstronaut

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    What I know is that it's hard for me to sacrifice porn for good at this point in my life.. I'm just not really ready yet. But I do need to quit temporarily at least.
     
  6. Fair enough. Try not to fight it when you do decide to quite. I find that when I look at the process of craving together with wanting to quite as a whole, It has no power over me and I can just wait for the craving to go away. Which it always does.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. Garek

    Garek Fapstronaut

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    Yup! Porn is not the problem, the love of porn is the problem. Moderate all you want but it sounds like you already know that isn't going to work. Strive for less consumption over time. Build up a life that you actually want to live. Try to understand why you keep turning to porn. What are you getting out of it? Be honest with yourself. What do you love about porn specifically? What do you hate about it? If you can engage your mind along those lines you can free up the mental space you need to make better choices.
     
  8. TheOA

    TheOA Fapstronaut

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    As pointed above as long as there will be contradiction in you, you won’t be able to do anything.
    When it will be crystal clear that p only has a negative influence in your life and that you don’t want to live like that any longer you won’t have it anymore.
     
    Sober is free likes this.
  9. cesare_undici

    cesare_undici Fapstronaut

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    this is a classic!
    we all want to keep watching - because if feels so good in the moment of doing so!
    but ultimately it is not the road to salvation but takes quite a different direction imo.

    first thing that came to my mind when reading the above was the story of the two wolves inside one being. you may wanna check it out on google. it's this classic story of Native Americans. which wolve will grow.

    all the best on your journey. take care! :))
     
    Deleted Account and OBY1999 like this.
  10. Ruthless Hamster

    Ruthless Hamster Fapstronaut

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    To be fairly honest, I don't think it's porn addiction, it's more so of a bad habit that you have going on which is totally possible to break, you just need to have the proper mindset.

    I get what you mean by it feeling like a necessity but even with bad habits there is that "necessity" feeling. If it's not impeding your life in a way where you're arriving late to work, to university/school, watching porn at your workplace, lose sleep over it, then it's not an addiction, you just have a bad habit. If it does impede your daily life then I guess you are addicted.

    Fortunately for people with a bad habit, recovery tends to be pretty quick. You're not really going to feel the benefits of NoFap, you definitely may feel the motivational aspect of it as you may be getting shit done and in turn the effect just snowballs. After a while you realize that you don't really need to watch porn because you've got other things that you would rather do and pretty much make you feel good in many other ways.

    Moderation is possible. It genuinely really is, but in all honesty when you have a girlfriend who wants to have sex with you or if you regularly get hookups... there really isn't a need for porn. But some people do it for novelty or to see something new once in a while.
     
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  11. TheOA

    TheOA Fapstronaut

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    Depends what your goal is, to me porn is a complete no, any aspect of it is toxic to me, not that I was very addicted but just the p industry and what it represents to me is enough of a reason to stop, but so much more than that, living a more wholesome life I guess, living better and doing things that matter more as you said, I consider porn to be very destructive for us, what I mean is the message and ideas it puts in our minds and what it does to society. So what matters to me is respecting my own standards, others and therefore respecting myself more.
     
    Candun and kaia like this.
  12. thikk

    thikk Fapstronaut

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    I think if you are on nofap (hence you are aware of the harmful effects of pmo) and you want to continue engaging in pmo then you simply do not have a reason to quit yet. Wait till you have black balls, severe pied, vein issues, relationship issues etc. Don't mean to scare you, many of us waited till a major problem occurred too, and sometimes that's too late.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2020
    Timecop and Overcome Fear like this.
  13. Overcome Fear

    Overcome Fear Fapstronaut

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    It's good that you are honest about it. But you need to find a way to see, or perhaps experience, the toxic effects of P. Recognize it as the poison it is. Until you actually want to get rid of it from your life, recovery will not happen. Some people need to hit rock bottom before they finally see how much it can affect one's life. You could also read about people who have already hit rock bottom with P and see how that turned out for them.

    Whatever you do, don't stay the same. Either go cold or hot, but don't stay lukewarm. It is better to jump in head on and indulge in PMO and later realize it was a huge mistake than to stay the same. In order to learn, some kids need to be allowed to eat as much candy as they want so that they experience physical pain and finally understand that candy isn't good for them. No amount of lecturing will convince them.
     
    Timecop likes this.
  14. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    For me, this beautifully honest admission points to one of the keystones of recovery: motivation. If I'm going to stop, I need to have a very clear and compelling sense of why. In the absence of this, I'll just keep going back again and again. Why? Because I too like my porn!

    As a result, pretty much every morning as I lay in bed waking up, I ask myself what my motivation is today. Sometimes I also post in one of the 'Today I will not use porn because...' threads on this site. All in order to remind me of my motivation for stepping away. All in order to get doing the next right thing.
     
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  15. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I agree with @Tryingto above.

    Yes you do, that's why you are here.

    Exactly: there's part of you that desperately wants to get back to porn. These forums are full of people who parade their 100% comitment to quitting porn, then they relapse, then they parade their 100% comitment to quitting porn, then they relapse, ... I think you are better placed to actually quit because you are brave enough to give voice to the part of yourself that really does not want to quit. That's important. Unless you acknowledge that side of yourself and really understand it how will you thwart it?

    No, that's the side that wants to get back to porn talking, it's a trick. Keep working on the self-reflection that you need to understand your addiction, and the various tools and techniques you can pick up here.

    Good luck, you've got this.
     
  16. outkasted

    outkasted Fapstronaut

    I agree. For me, the "why I want to quit" has to override my desire to PMO. Otherwise I'll relapse.
     
    thikk and Tryingto like this.
  17. kaia

    kaia Fapstronaut NoFap Defender

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    Just curious, but why do you like it so much? Do you like the idea of being a guy who masturbates to images and videos for pleasure? What about the idea of being a guy who does heroin on the weekends, shooting up instead of doing much else on his days not working? What’s the difference?
     
  18. fishfoody

    fishfoody Fapstronaut

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    Trust me there is no such thing as moderation in porn addiction. you either quit your pmo with all the struggles or going deeper the rabbit hole and soon you'll question your humanity and sanity because your sexuality is poisoned with dark fetishes and whatnot.

    By keep consuming you're also supporting demand of human trafficking in the industry.

    But if you stop now and fight with us you will get your chance to turn things around and make you normal human again.

    In the end the choice is yours
     
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  19. thikk

    thikk Fapstronaut

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    This is what I was trying to say but sometimes I am just not good with words.
    @outkasted Well put. This is actaully extremely important for other reasons too. Starting off in the first month is perhaps the hardest I think, but if you go past this the urges and frequency of pmo can be reduced. If you have a solid reason for quiting it'll keep you going past the success goals and you also know what you're waiting for when done so life continues smoothly after nofap. E.g. someone who makes a change for their partner as their reason for quiting has a higher chance of success because their goal is clear amd what happens after as well. Whereas someome without such obligations may feel that they do not need to heal anyway because it does not add much to their lives. However, this is wrong. Pmo affects pefromance in all elements of our lives, the so called 'benefits' we speak of are just what a healthy person should be doing. I think that there is always a good reason to quit pmo.
     
  20. cesare_undici

    cesare_undici Fapstronaut

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    the last few posts where a lot about the right motivation, and the right intensity of motivation. thankfully, there was one guy who put this very eloquently:

    "He who has a WHY to live can bear almost any HOW" - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
     

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