I fapped so much that....

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by psychedelicjelly, Aug 2, 2019.

  1. psychedelicjelly

    psychedelicjelly Fapstronaut

    1. .. my penis swelled up for days on end, happened multiple times
    2. That I didn't care and I even looked at porn in an Internet cafe, in a place where my screen was clearly visible
    3. Spent hundreds of £ a month on telephone chat rooms. Once €700
    4. Spent entire weekends morning to night fapping in my bedroom leaving only to use the toilet or eat a slice of bread
    5. I gave myself erectile dysfunction
    6. Fapped till 5am even though I had work the next day at 7am
    7. Going to work exhausted, depressed and with crushing anxiety like almost everyday.
    if anyone found out about these things I'd be deathly ashamed. If anyone else wants to share too go ahead.

    (over the course of 20 years of addiction, not like all last night)
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2019
  2. psychedelicjelly

    psychedelicjelly Fapstronaut

    That's why I'm here buddy. 5 days sober now.
  3. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

    Been there, done that for nearly two decades (with exception of points 2, 3). You need to stop or it will destroy you physically and mentally. I needed to hit rock bottom to change. Don't wait for the bottom to come. There's no guarantee you'll bounce back up when you hit it. I consider myself lucky that I did. I was very close to ending my life at that point in time. I gave myself a last chance and luckily climbed out of the addiction rabbit hole. But it literally nearly killed me. Decades of multi hours long daily PMO binges FUed my brains for real. I went through the same withdrawal symptoms as drug users go through (flu like symptoms, headaches, muscle twitching, insomnia, anhedonia, anxiety, depression, wild mood swings…) while in withdrawal except for the acute phase which is more intense with drug users and alcoholics. When you decide to quit stick with it. From my own experience, full blown relaps (lasting multiple months) results in escalation of behaviour and makes withdrawals during next reboot attempt even more brutal. I had full blown relapse last summer, after being in monk mode for half a year. I needed months get get back on track and had to go through all withdrawal symptoms all over again and they became even worse, especially anxiety and insomnia.
  4. This goes to show how extreme addiction can go. Some of the things you listed can literally destroy your life (Spending hundreds of £ a month for porn, watching porn in public places, etc)
  5. You got this bro, keep going. I recommend cold showers and replacing old habits with new positive ones. For example replacing social media time with going out for a nice walk. We've all reached dark parts in our addictions where we've done things that we wish no one ever found out about. We just have to look back at them as reminders of what this PMO crap turns us into.
  6. Never give up__

    Never give up__ New Fapstronaut

    Hi I am currently 18 year old and I have been addicted to pmo for over two years I never spent money or anything like that I'll just stop watching for like a week then I'll find myself relapsing and constantly watching video and masterbating 4 time or more a day every day I NEED!! help finding a way to this addiction I feel like I am mentally and physically unstable.
    Tiger1 likes this.
  7. hope2overcome_

    hope2overcome_ Fapstronaut

    Yes brother, I can relate to the fapping all weekend and until late at night. The issue isn't porn. its the cravings. The cravings make us feel like we are getting or expected to receive a reward so we are hooked in. The reward feels like this sweet sugary feeling in the center of my brain which I cannot get enough of. The science is pretty clear on this.

    I am treating this as the cravings are the problem not porn/fantasy a desire to feel good or a desire to masturbate. All of the latter are born from the cravings. And...so...I am going to try and stop the cravings by loving to do something thats not what the cravings want.
    psychedelicjelly likes this.
  8. allitnam

    allitnam Fapstronaut

    There was time when I drawed erotic cartoons for myself, I had became so good at it, that the drawings were very exciting; I drew and masturbated, all day long, one drawing after another, I cant even count how many times I did that. I also went to work without having slept. One day I stayed at home fapping while everyone was looking for me at work. I looked for porn in my office many times and once I read erotic stories the whole day in an office where we were all very close and I imagine that someone must have noticed something weird, until I went to the office's bathroom to finish it. This is just what comes to my mind right now. I have stopped all of those risky behaviours now, but i feel ashamed of these things in my life. Too many hours dedicated to this. Now we need to look forward.
    Enwar and psychedelicjelly like this.
  9. I can totally relate to your experiences. I would stay awake all night even though I had to work in the morning. And I would wait for the office to finish so that I could go back to PMO. It was a vicious cycle and I am glad I am trying to break it now.
    Enwar and psychedelicjelly like this.
  10. ChokingMuhChicken

    ChokingMuhChicken New Fapstronaut

    Dude, I laughed so hard while reading your post, probably cause I can relate to it. I imagined your face, fapping at 5am before work looking something like your avatar. This post actually made me create an account just so I could tell you how hilarious it was :).

    Good luck!
    psychedelicjelly likes this.
  11. psychedelicjelly

    psychedelicjelly Fapstronaut

    Glad it made you giggle dude. I am trying to throw some humour into the board too.
    Gotch likes this.
  12. Gotch

    Gotch New Fapstronaut

    It's OK man. You have hope, improve and you can beat this!
    psychedelicjelly likes this.
  13. Themadfapper

    Themadfapper Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing, Psychedlicjelly. 4&6 stood out to me.
  14. ryguyuplift

    ryguyuplift Fapstronaut

    I’ve been there. I’ve had binges lasting an entire weekend where I only left my room for food or bathroom. I barely ate and would lose weight. Literally like a crack head.

    I recognized I had a major problem and didn’t want to live like that, so I’ve done everything in my power to recover.

    Clearly your porn use has escalated to levels where it is completely destroying your life. I can’t imagine you actually want to live like this, in front of a screen fapping all hours of the day except for work. Alone with no friends or family to keep you company. I would recommend finding a good therapist and just working on yourself as much as possible. Try and block some of this content to get started. Journal and track your progress here. Comment on other’s stories and start conversations. Work hard in therapy. The initial withdrawals will be extremely difficult, but if you can break out of the initial loop/cycle of addiction, then you can get some traction and start making progress.

    I can’t imagine how toxic and shameful you must feel right now. Just fight to make small improvements. You don’t need to make a 90 day streak cold turkey, just be better than you were yesterday. Learn from your relapses and make adjustments, and keep moving forward. No matter how hopeless you feel, it’s not worth living like this. Even an average shitty life without porn is infinitely better than living like this. If by the grace of god you quit, you’ll see what I mean. I’d rather be broke for life and clean than a millionaire and fapping around the clock.

    Good luck brother.
  15. First, you have to decide that you really want to change your life. This is not as simple as it sounds, as we all discover on the journey to recovery.
    Second, unless you seek professional help, you will not improve. Please make these decisions quickly and get your life back, because the support you will get here is fantastic, but no one is going to babysit you. You can do it.
    Enwar and ryguyuplift like this.
  16. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    #1- I was into enlargement. That was the goal. Why? I'm not sure. Just because.
  17. Lol you are not alone bro, i have fapped and came into my pants many times while sitting on my desk at work.
    On several occasions i could hear my colleagues talking right outside the door to my office and it would have been an embarrassing disaster if any of them had open the door to get in and see me in a messy situation with my dick in my hands and porn showing silently on my screen. I have actually been late severally for work cause I had an all night long fapping sessions, view porn a bit and it 2 am, another view and it 4 am and I have to leave for work at 6 am with a fully exhausted and inflammed body. Etc.

    All I can say is, it not human at all.
    ryguyuplift likes this.
  18. Tiger1

    Tiger1 Fapstronaut

    I know how you feel, and the feeling sucks tremously....I was an advid masturbator of doing it 3-7 times a day in my room during the week...I would masturbate 10+ times hours on hours on end on the weekend...do I I regret it? Yes i do, but I'm trying not to focus on the past but look to the future...I'm 7days abstaining from everything right now and am feeling good...

    Stay strong!!!
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2019
    Enwar and ryguyuplift like this.
  19. aboringcashier

    aboringcashier New Fapstronaut

    From the ages 10-18 fapped everyday, 3-4 times a day. Feeling the results of it now, but currently 8 days strong on my second attempt! Power to you, my friend.
    Enwar, allitnam and ryguyuplift like this.
  20. bloom

    bloom Fapstronaut

    I understand you so well, I've been trough all of this for many years. Apart for point number 2 all the others are mine too. But sometimes number 1 gives me pain to the arms too...

    As you see your are not alone, we share the same addiction. Talking about it, sharing with the others here make you stronger.

    The past is the past, we cannot change it, but we can learn from it.
    That was not life my friend, that's not you. You're better, stronger, healthier than that.

    We will overcome this, the sobriety days will stackup and you will feel better.
    Be strong, be commited don't loose your hope, we will reach a better life.

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