I Feel like waking up from a 20 year dream...

H

hijodelaluna18

Fapstronaut
Hi guys,
Im 26 days into NOFAP hard mode after a 20 year PMO adiction that led to PIED, isolation, bisexuality, mild depresion,knee pain, skin problems..
These weeks have been challenging and I was moving between my present addicted self and what seemed to be my old 18 year old self.
I have started to look more like my 18 year old self,I felt like doing things that I used to do back then...but today has been a before and after experience.
I went to the street to work out and it seemed as if ive been wearing dirty glasses for 20 years and life just became the same place where I used to be 20 years ago.
Im not currently living in the same place but honestly,all day it felt like I have just woke up froma time machine travel.
In one side side feels so good to be back to life,and back to be myself.I feel there are endless possibilities in life and for my future. Thats exactly the way i used to feel when I was 18.
I thought I stopped looking at life that way because of aging but now I see it was PMO.
So as happy as I feel to be myself again..its undeniable that by accepting My old self I have to admit I have thrown 20 years of my life to the toilet.
Not living fully concious,not enjoying life to the fullest,not makin the best decision for me and not bringing the best version of me to my family friends and relationships.
So Im ina position where its a mix of feelings. Its a new begining but at the same time its not,cause Im not 18 and nobody is going to give me those years back. Its not a Delorian even though I somehow feel like it.
Anybody feels this way?
 
Yes, Im just a day ahead of you and I will tell you that you are gonna have amazing days and bad days. so be prepared. But the further you get the more good days you have
 
That's awesome, nice job! I too feel like I've found a new zest for life and that I've been wasting away quality life with this addiction. After reading the pdf NOfap sends you when you sign up, I really could relate to the things it describes like a decreased interest in talking or being with people.
 
Its so true...I am 21 and after being 200 days PMO free I feel back to myself. I remember being 14 year old and happy and now here I am with 7 year long addiction, brain fog and depresssion. Its now slowly fading my vision is becoming clearer and I am really seeing the different colors of life. When the sunlight falls on me I can feel its warmth like never before. I love the warmth when I look into someones eyes deeply. Many things were so missing for the past 7 years. Iam glad to say that Iam happy:)
 
whitefang## said:
Its so true...I am 21 and after being 200 days PMO free I feel back to myself. I remember being 14 year old and happy and now here I am with 7 year long addiction, brain fog and depresssion. Its now slowly fading my vision is becoming clearer and I am really seeing the different colors of life. When the sunlight falls on me I can feel its warmth like never before. I love the warmth when I look into someones eyes deeply. Many things were so missing for the past 7 years. Iam glad to say that Iam happy:)
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So happy that you didnt waist that much time like some of us youre still very young,stick to NOFAP no matter what!
 
hijodelaluna18 said:
Hi guys,
Im 26 days into NOFAP hard mode after a 20 year PMO adiction that led to PIED, isolation, bisexuality, mild depresion,knee pain, skin problems..
These weeks have been challenging and I was moving between my present addicted self and what seemed to be my old 18 year old self.
I have started to look more like my 18 year old self,I felt like doing things that I used to do back then...but today has been a before and after experience.
I went to the street to work out and it seemed as if ive been wearing dirty glasses for 20 years and life just became the same place where I used to be 20 years ago.
Im not currently living in the same place but honestly,all day it felt like I have just woke up froma time machine travel.
In one side side feels so good to be back to life,and back to be myself.I feel there are endless possibilities in life and for my future. Thats exactly the way i used to feel when I was 18.
I thought I stopped looking at life that way because of aging but now I see it was PMO.
So as happy as I feel to be myself again..its undeniable that by accepting My old self I have to admit I have thrown 20 years of my life to the toilet.
Not living fully concious,not enjoying life to the fullest,not makin the best decision for me and not bringing the best version of me to my family friends and relationships.
So Im ina position where its a mix of feelings. Its a new begining but at the same time its not,cause Im not 18 and nobody is going to give me those years back. Its not a Delorian even though I somehow feel like it.
Anybody feels this way?
Click to expand...

That is great! I wish that I had woken up sooner. Just been sitting here thinking about how much time, brain power, energy and how much of my life I have wasted due to PMO. It is quite depressing! Never too late to restart though. Plenty of success stories of people who 'made it' or dramatically changed their lives when they were older.
Keep going everyone. Life is amazing. Make the most of it! :)
 
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Majik said:
That is great! I wish that I had woken up sooner. Just been sitting here thinking about how much time, brain power, energy and how much of my life I have wasted due to PMO. It is quite depressing! Never too late to restart though. Plenty of success stories of people who 'made it' or dramatically changed their lives when they were older.
Keep going everyone. Life is amazing. Make the most of it! :)
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It definately is..Im back to life,each day is exciting.It got to a point where everyday was like a TV series youve watched thousand times,i felt that bored about life.I didnt get to be depressed..just mild depression due to other aspects in my life..but I usedPMO to let go of those and relax...into that 20 year dream.Its time to LIVE and laugh and cry whatever life brings but be actively inovlved! :-)
 
hijodelaluna18 said:
It definately is..Im back to life,each day is exciting.It got to a point where everyday was like a TV series youve watched thousand times,i felt that bored about life.I didnt get to be depressed..just mild depression due to other aspects in my life..but I usedPMO to let go of those and relax...into that 20 year dream.Its time to LIVE and laugh and cry whatever life brings but be actively inovlved! :)
Click to expand...
hijodelaluna18 said:
So happy that you didnt waist that much time like some of us youre still very young,stick to NOFAP no matter what!
Click to expand...
Thanks Brother:) Nofap has really been a hope in my life. It would definitely steer my way out of darkness and I hope that everyone trying to find their way may find light. I never wanted to be like this at 21 and to all the people who are rebooting just remember that you were not made to crawl like that with your hands in your pants but you were made to lift the weight of this beautiful world like real men:)
 
hijodelaluna18 said:
It got to a point where everyday was like a TV series youve watched thousand times,i felt that bored about life.I didnt get to be depressed..just mild depression due to other aspects in my life..but I usedPMO to let go of those and relax...into that 20 year dream.Its time to LIVE and laugh and cry whatever life brings but be actively inovlved! :)
Click to expand...

This! This is how I have felt! A great way of describing it. Felt like I was just going through the motions sometimes. Bored. This summer really been trying to remember how to have fun! And asking the question "How do other people have fun?". That constant mild state of depression.

So you have just completed your first month? Well done!! And you are feeling this good already? Brilliant!
I had been riding a positive wave into the weekend. Felt amazing! Was loving life. Wondered how long it would last. Monday night I started to crash, and then yesterday was a really long lazy day. Trying to work out why. Feel a bit better today. Fingers crossed that I am out of the slump!
 
hijodelaluna18 said:
Hi guys,
Im 26 days into NOFAP hard mode after a 20 year PMO adiction that led to PIED, isolation, bisexuality, mild depresion,knee pain, skin problems..
These weeks have been challenging and I was moving between my present addicted self and what seemed to be my old 18 year old self.
I have started to look more like my 18 year old self,I felt like doing things that I used to do back then...but today has been a before and after experience.
I went to the street to work out and it seemed as if ive been wearing dirty glasses for 20 years and life just became the same place where I used to be 20 years ago.
Im not currently living in the same place but honestly,all day it felt like I have just woke up froma time machine travel.
In one side side feels so good to be back to life,and back to be myself.I feel there are endless possibilities in life and for my future. Thats exactly the way i used to feel when I was 18.
I thought I stopped looking at life that way because of aging but now I see it was PMO.
So as happy as I feel to be myself again..its undeniable that by accepting My old self I have to admit I have thrown 20 years of my life to the toilet.
Not living fully concious,not enjoying life to the fullest,not makin the best decision for me and not bringing the best version of me to my family friends and relationships.
So Im ina position where its a mix of feelings. Its a new begining but at the same time its not,cause Im not 18 and nobody is going to give me those years back. Its not a Delorian even though I somehow feel like it.
Anybody feels this way?
Click to expand...

I can really relate to you, I feel the same way! I started this last Friday and my life began to change with a huge snowball effect. I tried dieting, ED pills, lifestyle changes etc. but nothing has helped like the realization of how my brain works when porn has infiltrated it. I'm gonna turn 36 in two weeks and I feel like I am a teenager again.

I never gave it any thought during these first days, nor did I expect it, but now my fast food eating, food binging and eating secretly have all but gone - I don't crave to binge or to go to a fast food joint. It's both amazing and also a sign for me that I really need to stay on this path.
 
Liinavaate said:
I can really relate to you, I feel the same way! I started this last Friday and my life began to change with a huge snowball effect. I tried dieting, ED pills, lifestyle changes etc. but nothing has helped like the realization of how my brain works when porn has infiltrated it. I'm gonna turn 36 in two weeks and I feel like I am a teenager again.

I never gave it any thought during these first days, nor did I expect it, but now my fast food eating, food binging and eating secretly have all but gone - I don't crave to binge or to go to a fast food joint. It's both amazing and also a sign for me that I really need to stay on this path.
Click to expand...
Yes man..after these positive changes I dont even consider relapsing a posisbility...I cant go back to that boring place,look in the mirror and see me without eyebros and lashes,having to use moisturizers on my skinto look more alive..nope..never again,
 
Majik said:
This! This is how I have felt! A great way of describing it. Felt like I was just going through the motions sometimes. Bored. This summer really been trying to remember how to have fun! And asking the question "How do other people have fun?". That constant mild state of depression.

So you have just completed your first month? Well done!! And you are feeling this good already? Brilliant!
I had been riding a positive wave into the weekend. Felt amazing! Was loving life. Wondered how long it would last. Monday night I started to crash, and then yesterday was a really long lazy day. Trying to work out why. Feel a bit better today. Fingers crossed that I am out of the slump!
Click to expand...
When I wrote this message there were still behaviors of my addicted self. Now the teenager has taken over all the way.
Im a completely different person. Im working out and actually enjoying it like before,playing football,I talk to people neibourhs if I find them in the stairs,I talk to the grocery people and smile to them with eye contact,I stare to girls if I like them in the street.My whole behavior has changed I thought I was very shy but now I see I wasnt it was all MO.
When I was a kid under 10 I would even touch the girls private parts in elemntary school. It was when I turned 11 nd started MO when I became shy
 
Liinavaate said:
I never gave it any thought during these first days, nor did I expect it, but now my fast food eating, food binging and eating secretly have all but gone - I don't crave to binge or to go to a fast food joint. It's both amazing and also a sign for me that I really need to stay on this path.
Click to expand...

That is really interesting. The last two times that I have not had any food in, and thought that I would just get some takeaway or eat out, I have left the house and then ended up going to the shops to buy something to cook. Both times I have felt pleased with myself afterwards :)
It goes back to me thinking about how life is a balance. Little things here and there can be enough to tip the scales one way or the other.
 
Sorry dude, but I take personal offence at "bisexuality" being a part of your list of addiction induced problems, as if there was something inherently wrong with it. I also find the fact that you used PMO addiction as a blanket scapegoat for everything, including knee pain (which, with all due respect, is most likely completely unrelated) amusing in a dark sort of way. It's good that life seems brighter and better. It sounds like doing things differently, making a real change happen is a good idea for you. But it's going to take more than just quitting porn to achieve a true change in your life.
 
Buzz Rees said:
I also find the fact that you used PMO addiction as a blanket scapegoat for everything, including knee pain (which, with all due respect, is most likely completely unrelated)
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Interesting that you say that, because I definitely feel like I aggravate my the ligaments in my knee, as a result of constantly tugging away. There is definitely a connection. It certainly bothers me less when I 'give it a rest' as it were.
 
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Well I did say most likely, I didn't say I didn't believe it possible, eh? :) I'm still a little sceptical to be frank, though. Correlation isn't always causation. The aggravation could have something to do with the position in which or the style in which you "tug away" rather than the act itself, maybe? From what little science I'm aware of in this region, I think there's been some studies suggesting that orgasming (including from masturbation) somewhat speeds up healing and recovery of a range of conditions, and subjectively alleviates symptoms of most and no studies suggesting the opposite effect. Something to do with raised oxytocin levels, body's own opiates etc. Can't find the original articles but google scholar spewed out these for example:

http://mistergui.com/downloads/Sexual Healing.doc
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0165032710004143
 
This is all so recognisable to me... i have been spending my life very alone for the past few years... pmo'ing it away...
For many years i was on a totally crooked path.. smoking like crazy, eatings loads of meat n junkfoods.. being awkard and just following random impulses..
I'm happy to have kind of found the core of my issue... i was raised in a pretty strange way, strange philosophical ideas. I did not have a concrete sense of self to be honest, and from that you can go all kind of strange directions. Now i feel much more solid, but also flexible mind :).
Life was slipping away. I wish i had found the answers more early. But yeah,, better late than never!
Also the discovery that i had a choice in doing or not doing pmo (before i used to believe that guys just have to do this.. everyone does it).. really gives me a wider perspective in life.

Mainstream view is not always right, there is a lot of bs in the world. I now try to live in a natural, conscious way, trying to be as Real as possible. Whereas pmo is like a fantasy world..

Still the pmo struggle is not over, even today i noticed several urges.. really have to continue the fight. I will never give up, lets follow the right path!
Maybe a bit of a rant and of topic.. but yeah.. keep going into the right direction! This community inspires me so much !
 
Majik said:
That is really interesting. The last two times that I have not had any food in, and thought that I would just get some takeaway or eat out, I have left the house and then ended up going to the shops to buy something to cook. Both times I have felt pleased with myself afterwards :)
It goes back to me thinking about how life is a balance. Little things here and there can be enough to tip the scales one way or the other.
Click to expand...

We'll have to see how this habit holds after the next weeks and months. Yesterday I nonchalantly walked by a BK and a McD, one of which I would've visited with 99% just a week ago. I can't believe how it's possible to achieve this much change in so little time but then again, I also quit recreational smoking ~10 years ago and have never looked back.

I think I will start journaling to gather all these thoughts that come to my mind and also how my habits change. It will offer a chance for reflection as my new lifestyle progresses, and a place for me to go when I feel urges for P/M or overeating/fast food.
 
Liinavaate said:
We'll have to see how this habit holds after the next weeks and months. Yesterday I nonchalantly walked by a BK and a McD, one of which I would've visited with 99% just a week ago. I can't believe how it's possible to achieve this much change in so little time but then again, I also quit recreational smoking ~10 years ago and have never looked back.

I think I will start journaling to gather all these thoughts that come to my mind and also how my habits change. It will offer a chance for reflection as my new lifestyle progresses, and a place for me to go when I feel urges for P/M or overeating/fast food.
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Nice work! Keep going!

Feeling weak this morning, because I just finished the '7 day challenge', and I want to peek so badly. Isn't it crazy that after that achievement I am willing to go back to day 0?! So, disturbingly with reluctance, just committed to the '21 day challenge'. That will be an all time best for me. Hopefully by the end of that one I will have progressed significantly enough that longer term commitment will not be as much of an issue :emoji_fingers_crossed:
 
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