I have social anxiety, and I'm considering a life coach.

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by shooter mcgavin, Nov 2, 2019.

  1. shooter mcgavin

    shooter mcgavin Fapstronaut

    I was wondering something about my self development. I have social anxiety and I want to improve myself and I need to change. I need to make some friends instead of constantly being lonely. I'm considering getting a life coach, but I've heard that the self improvement industry can be dishonest and even be a scam. If you have had a life coach, are they helpful? Do they have any actually credibility and life experiences? Do they actually want to help you and do they charge too much?
  2. BiaForce

    BiaForce Fapstronaut

    I don't think a life coach can help you with social anxiety Brethren, I feel like spending time in nature/outdoors will help, abstaining from using your phone or other forms of social media will also help. I hope this helps Brethren!!!! Good luck!!!
    RoadToLife2 and John__ like this.
  3. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

    nofap alone is all you need to beat social anxiety.
  4. lolos

    lolos Fapstronaut

    Fuck a life coach. Go to a psychologist for social anxiety if you can afford it. If not, read psychology books and try to understand people. Studying psychology/philosophy greatly helped me increase my confidence and get rid of my social anxiety. Some of the biggest things I realised:

    -No one knows what the fuck they are doing in life. There is no right way to go about living
    -It doesn't matter if other people don't like you. You can't fully control others perception of you. The best thing to do is genuinly be yourself. You will attract others who are similar to you and like you for who you are, and for the people that don't like you, you wouldn't want to be hanging out with them anyway. You owe it to yourself to be confident
    -There is no point in thinking something that isn't useful to you, even if it is true.

    Just work on changing your mindset to a one that is more conductive to your wellbeing. That last point is probably the most important, it ties in a lot with stoicism, where you frame things in a way that you can control the outcome. Here is an example: Let's say you are worried about people not liking you. Here is the nonconductive mindset that frames the situation in a way that doesn't help you:

    'I hope these people like me. I'm going to try to change my personality so they like me'

    Here is the proper mindset where you frame the situation in a way you can control the outcome:

    'I don't care if these people like me. I am going to be myself and have fun regardless of what they think of me. If they want to join in on the fun I am having that's cool, if not there will probably be someone else who will'
  5. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

    My man, I had severe social anxiety while I was depressed for a year or so. I can totally relate. People will tell you all sorts of things but NoFap or any other small change isnt likely going to have a significant impact or improvement.But I have good nows. Try to change your entire lifestyle". Think of the following:
    - Hitting the gym on a regular basis, or going for walk; any form of movement will do
    - Healthy diet (DRINK LOTS OF WATER, no Alcohol and Limit your coffee)

    Meditation is not a lifehack. BUT, it teaches you calmness and deal with your negative shit (we all need to).

    I honestly hope that this message help you, would you mind letting me know how meditation goes for you if you try it?
    Cypher123 and John__ like this.
  6. skibum71

    skibum71 Fapstronaut

    Dude don't say things that aren't true.

    As to the benefits of a life coach I'm skeptical. I always thought - if these guys really have got it all sorted out why aren't they off living the life of their dreams? Maybe they are I dunno.
    Psychologist/psychotherapist I'd recommend over a so called life coach every time.
    onceaking and John__ like this.
  7. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

    it is true
  8. John__

    John__ Fapstronaut

    Things that help reduce social anxiety:
    Nofap, wim hof method, cold exposure, kava supplement, Theanine supplement, avoiding caffeine pre workouts and stimulants, working out, maintaining a healthy diet, avoiding food allergies, >6 hours sleep, waking up earlier and getting a jump on life, avoiding procrastination, meditation, and visualization (if you are anxious about something the next day, then visualize the scenario and how you want it to go the night beforehand).
    ahighertruth likes this.
  9. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

    i gotta have the preworkout stimulant or my lifts wont get done lol but yeah i agree with everything you said.
    John__ likes this.
  10. John__

    John__ Fapstronaut

    Some people handle stimulants better than others. When I'm taking boron, dhea, and chromium picolinate, i get absolutely incredible muscle contractions and my free test is very high. If i do ever want to take something else for enhanced performance, then I'll add creatine. If i want more vasodilation knowing im rested and can chase more insane pumps than usual, then I'll add agmatine sulfate.
  11. Cypher123

    Cypher123 Fapstronaut

    Which psychology books would you recommend
  12. Coaches usually work because you honestly tell them your issues without hiding, lying or deception, you typically employ to fool others but most importantly - yourself.
    When you honestly lay things out on the table, it does not take allot of effort to see where you are making biggest mistakes.
    Usually you will see them before anyone else. Your coach is there is help you navigate these and lead you to answering questions you yourself would avoid.
    Main quality life coach has to have is honesty and he/she has to be trustworthy, so you feel safe bringing your issues up.
    Keep in mind that trust can only be built overtime, so coaching is something you should commit to doing for at least few months.
    onceaking likes this.
  13. Fullyawake

    Fullyawake Fapstronaut

    Take it from me, going to bed at the same time helps a LOT. I go to bed at 9.30. People wake up tired and in a bad mood. If you have a good sleep under your belt you’re ahead of most people. And having cold showers. Give it a go.
  14. lolos

    lolos Fapstronaut

    Social animal - david brooks - best book I have ever read hands down. Gives some amazing perspectives. Can't even explain it just read it
    Notes From the Underground - Doestovesky - Basically life from the pov of a 19th centry incel
    Zen and the art of motorcylce maintenence - robert perzeig - very dry but if you can get through it some incredible ideas
    Pimp - Iceberg slim - autobiography of an old pimp. Currently half way through this and it is crazy. Shows a side to humanity I didn't know existed
    Ordinary man - Christopher Browning - about German policemen during ww2. Shows all humans are capable of evil.

    I would highly recommend all of these books above. All have greatly changed how I think about the world. I know they may not look like psychology books, apart from the first one, but most likely they will blow apart any idea of how you think humans work (apart from the first one, it just provides different perspective. Again hard to explain just read it, it's amazing). Here are a few that are not as good:
    12 rules for life
    Brave new world
    dreams - sigmund freud

    Let me know if you read any of these and what you think brother.
    Cypher123 and John__ like this.
  15. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    It might help. I've had a life coach and found it helpful. You shouldn't expect them to work miracles but they can be helpful. My life coach used a form of cognitive behavioural therapy which involved me thinking about my thoughts. I found that since having the sessions I'm less argumentive on social media and forums which became a problem for me. For the most part, I'm able to stop myself from having silly arguments with people where before I just had to say something.

    But you're right, some life coaches aren't so good. I think it can depend from person to person. My life coach generally cared about me. I don't know how much they would cost since mine was free since my life coach was getting started. The thing I found probably more helpful than anything else was that I could actually talk to someone about my issues. Sometimes you need to get off forums and the internet and talk to an actual person. Having said that seeing a licenced therapist is probably better than seeing a life coach but life coaches can be cheaper. With these things, you need to be smart since some life coaches, as well as therapists, can be unhelpful. If it's not working for you stop the sessions and see someone else, if they become abusive leave. Some therapists can abuse their clients.
  16. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    It might be true for you but not necessarily true for others. I found coming to NoFap to be rather unhelpful at times. I would get into fights with other member and then look at porn because they made me so mad.

    Typing on a forum can sometimes be helpful but sometimes you need to talk to someone about your problems with you own voice.
    skibum71 likes this.
  17. Cypher123

    Cypher123 Fapstronaut

    It will probably take me time im a slow reader
  18. nifahs

    nifahs Fapstronaut

    Listen man the right mindset is not caring about that which doesn't matter and not focusing on things in your head that you don't want.

    I have had social anxiety for nearly 8 years and what helped me get rid of it? Nofap as well as not giving 2 fucks. Both these take time to develop of course. But you have to stop caring about useless things, think of it as immaturity to care about how people percieve things about you in a social setting all while they probably care no where near as much as you think.

    Once you can bring your nofap days/relapse ratio above 5-7 (meaning you go 5-7 days between relapses for average) your confidence will surge.

    I would recommend getting out there, and using it as practice being in social situations, if you cannot think of going to a party right away, maybe start off by making conversation on the bus, and work your way up to parties.

    Also, learn about other people. You'll notice that they themselves sometimes feel anxious in front of you.

    Social anxiety is simply not having an understanding of others and yourself. Build that understanding by putting yourself out there, think of it as you leveling up in a game.
  19. RoadToLife2

    RoadToLife2 Fapstronaut

    I agree with this guy. Leave social media. Another things I have done that made my mind clearer. I stopped videogames a while ago, even TV. It just doesn't attract me anymore. It's all about focusing on life and not screens. Me myself I love tech but I use it to help me in real life, not to waste my time. I dunno if you do play videogames or how often you watch TV. But as long as you dont earn anything positive it should be avoided. cSpend your time on improving yourself and everything that can clear up your mind, even if you don't feel like. You'll get used to it.

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