I have struggled a lot

I never had drugs. Never smoked. Didn't had alcohol either. Thought I am far away from any kind of addiction. It was only when I tried to get rid of 'cocktail of porn & masturbation', I understood the meaning of addiction.

You know it is bad for you. It is against your values, still it pulls you like quicksand. In 2014, I made my first attempt to put a stop to it. I managed without it for 5 months but it pulled me back. Since then I have made several attempt to stop it but after 1 week, 2 weeks or 3 weeks, I again end up on the square-one.

I have known my trigger: being alone & under stress - that pulls me back in the trap. My stress level has been high from last few weeks & I am alone in my house today. I have been slipping since morning but have managed to resist so far. Once pressed the 'Panic Button' also. I hope this time I will be stronger & will survive this moment of weakness.

 

Thanks, buddy. To have this community for support is very helpful. Your response to my cry, has also been a support in its own way. Btw, I managed to come over my moment of weakness today. Thanks to this community & people like you

 

Hi @Fenix Rising , I watch it in my smartphone. But (with my current job) I can't replace it with a old fashioned one. :-(
Anyway, thanks for help. It does trigger few thoughts & ideas to me.

 

Hi @Empty shell of a girlfriend , I got addicted to it, in order to escape stress. In my lifestyle, stress builds up every week and every saturday I meet with my moment of weakness. I know it from more than an year, still I encounter my moment of weakness :-(

However, writing on this thread & reading your response + intent to help, does give me strength & motivation to stand bold atleast for the day

 

Hi @clapas , I remember my reasons very well but once I start slipping, I keep on slipping. Once I start slipping, I can only delay masturbation but can't avoid it. Sometimes, I can delay it by an hour, 4 hours, 12 hours or a day but once I start slipping, I eventually masturbate (with porn).

This helps me understand that how my slip starts. It happens like this; a kinky thought comes to my mind (like nude dancing, etc.) and then I search for images for that (on my phone), then I look for videos, then I watch a video & then I watch videos from the recommended list. Then I start edging & eventually masturbate. My will grows weaker & weaker as I keep on slipping. I think, I need to stop it when I have relatively max willpower in this situation. I need to let that kinky thought fade away in my mind & make sure I never search for that on my phone. Thanks guys, I have a new resolve tonight. I hope this lasts longer than the previous ones or perhaps forever

 

Hi @NamaClature14 , I completely agree with you that our brain is quite powerful to do several wonders. But it is a bodypart just like muscles, if we strengthen them they are powerful or else they are weak. To strengthen them we need correct training or else we risk an injury. Same way, idea to use meditation for stillness of mind or hobbies is quite great and perhaps it works for many but somehow my brain is not enough trained for that yet. I encounter my moment of weakness usually when I am tired & stressed, that time I can neither exercise nor can engage in a hobby. I do meditate daily in the morning for 10 - 15 minutes, but I am yet to reach a level where I can achieve the desired level of stillness. Anyway, the next time I start slipping, I would try meditation. Its worth trying. It may work. Thanks, friend.

 

Hi @bigboibez , Again due to the kind of responsibilities that I have during off hours, I can't leave my phone in car either. But I do have a plan to fight the temptation.
1) Act before its too late. Don't search for that kinky thought on phone.
2) If it is hard to resist, then meditate.

Thanks, guys. Your efforts have helped me come up with a new plan to deal with it.

 

I struggled for 100 days but looks like finally found my balance