I need Advice with depression/motivation

Ok, so, I've been attempting NoFap for over a year now and I still can't get it. I am constantly struggling and I need some serious advice, please!

I've had depression for probably almost 20 years now. I think PMO addiction caused it and if it didn't, it's making it way worse. I see posts of people giving advice involving routines, like the gym, meditation, work, etc. I can't do it. Even getting the simplest tasks done is difficult for me.

Most of this experience has just been constant suffering for me. I've been pretty much "whiteknuckling it" the whole time.

I've had very brief moments involving this endless energy and motivation I hear so much about, but it never stayed longer than a day and was always a rare experience. My longest streak was 62 days, no PMO, and even then I felt like this.

I've cut various other addictions out of my life: alcohol, hard drugs, video games, and I'm now over a month without cigs, but it's still so damn hard. All I really want to do is smoke weed and sit around all day. I mean, I want to, but I also want to go the gym and to get a job and a gf and all that good stuff. I've tried getting off weed, too, but even after a couple weeks, I still feel lost. A couple years ago I was homeless, and I spent my 20s in rehabs and psychwards. I need help. It just feels like constant suffering.

I feel it's worth mentioning that my depression causes me to struggle with questions about life involving purpose and meaning and why this and why that. I have no direction. I have no point, no purpose. Ever watched Rick and Morty? That episode where the Mr. Meeseeks can't fulfill their purpose and they go insane? I kinda can relate lol.

It's so hard and I'm just gradually losing faith and giving up....

 

When you say, 5 things, how difficult of things would you choose? This actually seems worth a try.

 

See me back? What do you mean?

I did an almost completely vegan diet for a while and tried keto too. Lately, I've been eating like total crap, but I'm trying to clean it up. Trying to maintain a clean diet is pretty tough for me. I feel like if I could somehow figure out how to talk myself in going to the gym, it would motivate me to eat healthier. In order to do that, though, I would have to be motivated enough to quit smoking weed.

I would love to get back in the gym again, but it seems so hard to force myself to.

 

I was also fasting quite frequently, too.

 

The only real difference that I noticed is that I just felt "cleaner." I'm not really sure how to describe the sensation. I guess eating meat made me feel more bloated. It was interesting to try, but I missed meat too much.

 

Excessive consumption of porn/porn addiction is a general symptom of depression, not a cause. It makes it worse when you start medicating your problems/moods by consuming it.

Your problems/depression are the cause of the things you've been through whether you grow up or if the problems happen in the spur of the moment.

A lot of people don't know their purpose, they don't know what direction they're in or what direction to take, it's just how life is. Some people find their purpose early, some people find it late, some find it with the next thing they invest their time into, life is unpredictable.

Your diet influences the way you think and how your body performs. Having a shitty diet will obviously have a toll on your body negatively and can create problems later on, but it also has an influence on the way we think. A lot of people have noticed that the way they think has become much more positive and better ever since they shifted from a bad diet to a good one because, obviously, you're starting to feed your body real proper food instead of processed bullshit.

Exercise also helps a lot with depression. As humans our bodies are designed to move, we're not designed to sit there for 9 hours at a time and become sedentary. When you get a routine in and get yourself used to it, you'll realize how much you can do with your time in a day and just what your mind and body can do when you're focusing on making yourself healthy.

Sitting around, smoking weed (people say it's not as bad as cigarettes but in all honesty, you're smoking a charred plant) really isn't going to make things better. I understand that we can sometimes feel like and say "ah it's hard, i don't want to do this, i don't want to do that, man it's so bothersome" but at the end of the day you can either tell yourself that you've had enough of being this way and actually tell yourself "I am going to fight this and I am going to become healthy in the mind and in the body" or you can give into your thoughts and become a defeatist and not do anything in life. There's really no other way to explain it because a lot of people like to moan and complain about how "this" happened and "that" but they don't think about the fact that you can actually move past it and rise above it as a stronger person and as a much healthier person.

Doing does more for a person than saying ever will, actions count, not words.

 

Thanks, man!
I hope you get over this too! If you ever need someone to talk to, let me know.
Technically speaking though, I quit drugs and alcohol last year and just got off the cigs.

 

To update: I stopped weed for two days and went for like 5 walks. It's been pretty tough. I can't be alone with my thoughts without weed for very long before it gets to be too much and I have to go walk. It's chaos up there lol. I was planning on going to lift weights yesterday and then again today, but I just don't feel like I can do it. I don't really think I'm ready yet. I'm hoping I will get more energy and motivation from everything that I'm doing, but if that never happens, I have no choice but to force myself....ugh.

 

This is your problem right here. The truth is life has no specific meaning, It's all about what your meaning is. Mike Tyson's meaning was to be the heavyweight champion of the world, Sigmund Freud's meaning was to deepen humanity's knowledge about psychology, Henry Ford's meaning was to supply reliable, all American automobiles to the world, The Dude's (From The Big Lebowski lol i know it's fictional) meaning was to just be an absolute dude amongst the righteous community of dudes. These guys weren't born with these purposes and meanings, they chose it themselves and they stuck with it. I'm not saying you have to become a fuckin' heavyweight champion or a multi-billionaire, I'm just saying that your destiny and fate is completely up to you.

 

Wow. Now thats an interesting idea! Creating my own philosophy/purpose... or I could always just steal dudeism lol

 

yeah i fucking love the idea of dudeism