I need help!

Hey everyone,
I need help and I’m hoping someone can help me. Long story short I know my husband has a porn addiction. About 8 years ago he got into legal trouble because of it and now has to attend groups and islegally not aloud to watch porn. But that doesn’t stop him. If he continues he will not be able to have contact with our daughter (this isn’t by my choice this is by his parole and group rules. If u relapse then u have privileges taken away.) anyways so he doesn’t watch just any porn but he gets on tumbler and watches transwomen, and transgenders.. basically girls with a penis. And I’m torn apart and have no clue what to do. When I first found out I didn’t care that he likes other things. Actually my initial thought was that I wasn’t enough for him. I am a female with no penis. So yes my self esteem went into the drain and has been since I found this all out. We’ve been married for 4 years and together for 5. I just found out a few months ago. Anyways we ended up bringing new things into our sex life. Like oral down there on him and toys and strap ons. And it was good for awhile but things have changed again. We barely have sex. So the other night I searched his phone and found tumbler. He had an account and was liking all sorts of pictures of naked girls with dicks. And I’m furious because he cannot legally do that. He will have a polygraph test soon and they ask if u watch porn. If he fails then we’re screwed. I’ll have to move out with my daughter. All because he can’t stay away from fucking porn. He told me he just does it cus he’s bored. He looks at this stuff while at work and appearently does it daily. I don’t know what to do. I feel absolutely helpless. I’ve built this whole life for our family while he was in prison for 17 months. For him to come home and take risks and risk our lives being fucked up. I feel like I’m not enough. I think I have a slight sex addiction and I could go everyday all day. It’s all I think about. But he rather watch his porn and not fuck me. Which makes me think I’m not enough. I don’t have a dick so how can I truly please him. I write this in tears because I’m at a lost. This is the 4th time I’ve caught him since he’s been home the past year. Every time he tells me he’ll stop but obviously he doesn’t. What do I do ?!? Please I’m desperate.

 

We are also both recovering heroin addicts. So I get the addiction things. But I stopped using heroin when my family was in jeopardy. And he needs to do th same. I appreciate y’all helping. I’m gonna try and get us into therapy because we do stay very busy and he still does it. I want to try and find a couples therapy that we can focus on this topic. I really do appreciate all the input. It’s more helpful then y’all can imagine. I just feel so helpless

 

Where is the wives section? I’m trying to find my way around this forum there is a lot and it’s kinda confusing. I def need to start reaching out to others to understand this better because the content of what it was really bothers me more then anything else. And I just don’t know what to do

 

Yes and he always tells me he wants me more then anything else and he tells me he obviously still is attracted to me becaus of obviously reasons when we are getting in the heat of the moment if u get what I’m saying. And if I didn’t wanna be with him I would have left and divorced him already. I don’t judge him for anything because I would be a hypocrite. But I want to be involved in everything. Like stop lying to me because I’m not stupid and I always know and I always find out. I’ve def proved that. I love him to death and would do absolutely anything for him