I need someone to talk to when the days get hard..

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Onelieatatime, Mar 2, 2017.

  1. Onelieatatime

    Onelieatatime Fapstronaut

    My husband and I have been battling porn for 2 years. He "quit" over a year ago but I recently found out he hadn't stopped and was lying about it.

    He promised not to lie anymore and tht he needs help.

    Yesterday, he slipped. He went 9 days without slipping. He didn't even use porn that time, just provocative photos because we put a app on his phone to block porn.

    I'm trying to be as supportive as I can, but it's hard.

    We have a one month old and a two year old. I get stressed about having multiple sclerosis and taking care of two kids. Now I have this too...When I thought we were done.

    I need someone to talk too. I need someone who understands my pain.

    And it's hard because I barely have the time to talk, but if I did have the time...I'd like to know someone is there.
  2. PostiveChange1974

    PostiveChange1974 Fapstronaut

    Hello Starry.

    There is a tremendous significant others support group here devoted to talking with partners of users of porn. Give @ILoathePwife a message, and she can provide you more details.

    If for some reason that isn't of help to you, I don't know that I know your pain, but I welcome conversation.

    I am a father of 3 boys (teenagers), and I have some idea what you must be feeling with the MS and the kids. I'm also a separated/in process of divorce. I have used porn (and currently nearly 50 days on a reboot). While my GF isn't sensitive to this as an issue, I want to be better for her, and trying all kinds of things beyond just NoFap to address this. Finally, at current, I'm also looking for a new job, so I have some free time available.
    I have no idea if any of those things of use to you. But if they are, message me.

    In any case, you are no longer alone.
    LizzyBlanca likes this.
  3. fuzzywaz

    fuzzywaz Fapstronaut

    Join the support forum, it's amazing. You can PM me as well if you need support. You are not alone
    LizzyBlanca likes this.
  4. LizzyBlanca

    LizzyBlanca Fapstronaut

    Yes - feel free to join the SOS forum for spouses/significant others of porn addicts. It's been a great support to me as I know I'm not alone and and I have benefitted greatly from the info and compassion there. We "get it."
  5. PugMom

    PugMom Fapstronaut

    You're not alone. There are many others just like you trying to make sense of something in what I like to think is an attempt to fix it. Almost two years after discovery of my husband's addiction, I have ups and downs. There are times when it doesn't bother me for months, there are times when I am lucky to make it a day. Because of that, I focus on one day at a time. We also have a service on my spouse's phone that tells me what websites he is on and blocks anything with a certain rating or higher. My spouse is an IT person, so, I don't know how much faith I have that he can't circumvent the service. I only know that we have to take the best care of ourselves more than anything else right now. We are all here for you.
    LizzyBlanca and Onelieatatime like this.
  6. WhoIsThisPerson

    WhoIsThisPerson Fapstronaut


    Sorry to hear you are going through this... again. You are definitely not alone. My SO told me about his problem a little over a month ago and it has been a battle since. Feel free to message me anytime.
  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    You are not alone, I am here for you and I share your pain. I am the partner of an addict who cannot perform in bed because of his porn use. He also lied to me saying he had stopped and I caught him. The lying hurt so much. I cannot imagine that you forgave him once and now he wants forgiveness again. Wow I'm not sure I could ever trust him again. I recommended because you have kids and are clearly committed that you seek couples counseling for this. If he does not stop then you need to evaluate your options. If you are being mistreated and he does not change you are better off and so is your child leaving the relationship. I will say from what I read many men turn to porn when they feel inadequate or scared. When a man's wife is sick it scares him and he often feels inadequate that he can't fix her pain. So think of the porn use as smoking. He used to be a long time smoker but he quit and picked it back up when you got sick. He's using it to cope not because of sex or looking at other women. He needs to be in counseling to work on this. I am by no means defending him but sometimes a bit of understanding helps towards forgiveness. He lied to you (while not okay) because he was ashamed that he could not live up to the man you needed him to be, and that he let you down.
    LizzyBlanca likes this.

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