Idk if you'd give this a read but, I've got an interesting story.

Hey guys, I'm new to NoFap.
I'm here to share my story which I bet, would be the most interesting story ever.

For the preview, I'm a gay male, 31, who never had proper sex because, I gave up on my sexuality, romantic relationship, and any intimacy.

I'm an Asian born in such a conservative society and family.
My family is a sincere Christian family
and everyone goes to church every Sunday, and so did I when I was young.
I was raised surrounded by the concept that being gay is just wrong within society.
So when I started realizing myself during the middle school,
I was really confused and frightened.
All the dudes in the school(I went to a male school) made fun of gay
and were disgusted by it.

I was already being picked on for being chubby.
I could never offer them another factor to bully me for.
So as I was going through my sexuality,
I unconsciously decided to conceal my sexuality and tried to behave manly,
so that the dudes in the school wouldn't pick on or harass me.
As I was young, I didn't really think it through
but, wanted to protect myself from any of that situations.
So I started hiding my sexuality and myself and pretending to be someone else.
That went by until 25, 10-fucking-years.

I'm a man. So I did have the need to release my libido.
So obviously I did so watching porn.
I don't think I'd watched too much porn but, probably at least 5 times a week.
I had no real experience simply because I was just afraid of "being caught".
I had no guts or courage to explore or experience in the reality.
So, I was living on the screen for 10 years, unleashing my needs.

When I've become 25, I moved to Canada where gay people are welcome.
Well, because my body and mind was still set up to hide my sexuality,
I wasn't really doing anything until this guy showed up.
We hit off over time and we started liking each other.
We had intimate moments but, I was still afraid of getting into any sexual intimacy.
So, the furthest we went was just cuddles.
But because of that, he broke my heart and be gone.
When that happened, I decided to be out and accept myself.

3 more years went by, as I was busy adapting to the new environment and such.
I didn't get a chance to date anyone but then, I met this guy.
He was such a dear friend to me and he liked me so much.
But he wanted to date me instead of the friendship.
I was so afraid of losing him, so I started dating him.
We got a couple of intimate moments. But, every time, I wasn't having fun.
And obviously, it didn't work out and we broke up.
I should've noticed there was something going on with me then.
For the past 2 years till now, I dated a couple more guys,
and it was the last "relationship" where I realized something was going on with me.
Because, that "relationship" lasted for a week, right after we had sex.
I thought I liked him quite much but, I didn't get any arousal.
I mean, he was quite offensive but, still. I wasn't excited at all.

After the breakup with him, I was having so much hard time.
Not because of the breakup, but because of the reality I created.
The reality where I'm not able to have sex and get excited at all during sex.
So I started researching what was going on with me.
There are several factors that have caused me the incapability.
I have traumas from the bully during middle school and high school.
Body Trauma, Self-Denial Trauma, and probably PIED.

After that realization, I immediately quit porn.
By then, I wasn't introduced NoFap yet, but I was in P-mode reducing frequency of M.
I cried pretty much once a day as I really felt pathetic and pitying myself.
I realized how much big my mistake was, hiding and denying my sexuality.
I didn't even know that a person could cry so often.
I've started getting therapy to face my inner self.

After 2 months of that, as I was browsing, I landed on a thread on Reddit.
It was about the concept of NoFap and how to do it and the expected results.
As soon as it hit me, I quit M to get into the Hard Mode.
So here I am, trying to pick up what I've torn off in my past.
It's so damn tough and difficult to go through my shit when I'm already in my 30s.
I feel regretful that I spent my 20s without knowing what is going on with me.
But, on the other hand, I'm glad that I've found this at least now than later.
So, this will only get better from now on.
I feel a bit devastated as my life isn't usual and is really really so freaking tough.
but, oh well, I'll have to just work, looking forward to the day that I win this battle.

I've set 100 days challenge and it's been actually 59 days today.
I never found this forum until today. I feel so glad to see that I'm not alone.
I do feel way better than before by now.
I'm trying my best and everything I could possibly do to get myself back.

If you've made it here, thank you. I really appreciate you reading all this.
I do need some support from you guys, that'd be much appreciated even more.
NoFap is a part of my journey besides my other traumas to look at.
Thank you for having me here.

Furthermore, I also wanted to say, if there's anyone hesitant to challenge yourself,
or who feels like they are alone in this, you really are not.
If I've made it through here, you can as well.