IM DROWNING

DETERMINED!!!!!!!!! · Mar 15, 2020

Hello
I dont know what the fuck is going on! Guys, I felt off 115 day streak and within 1.5 week i fapped to porn 8 times. I somehow keep going into it deeper and deeper and today it was 1 or 2 hours edging session with porn. I have been seriously addicted since 12 or 11. When on streak i already started to have a completely new life, i felt this kind of happiness and energy like when i was kid. It was lifechanging, i could talk with anyone like in the past, i could go on the street and fucking laugh, none and nothing could disrupt my being right there. I WAS ONCE AGAIN IN THE LIFE, porn was not a problem at all, but i fucked something up. I started to look at some pics and shit more often and often. Out of curiosity. Quick look there and there. There was a days when i got myself so excited that it lasted for hours or days. That led to relapse. And that would be kind of normal if it stopped on that one. But somehow im not able to get back on streak. I tell myself i wont do it, i wrote it down, i deleted all porn i had, but when it comes to the day 2-3 of nofap, fucking ridiculous shit happens. I turn into completely different person, nothing in the world matters. There is no nofap, there is no streak, no life, no future, no past, no me. I sit infront of pc and desperately try to recover my favourite porn files with recovery software, i read forums about recovering files all shaking, i go to every porn site i know trying to replace it, some of me tells me to stop but im completely possessed, My will is absolutely 0. All i want is more and more, i dont even feel like i was wanting to stop, i feel like that bug which got parasite that controls its brain. Another ridiculous shit - i even started to not regret it, yes, thats right, i lie now on my bed and i dont give a fuck! why is that? I want to go back, i want to start again but my brain says: no, u do this, i dont care what is your goal, u did it? good boy, now rest. And i cant go against it, I CANT SAY NO TO MY CARVINGS, I LOST ALL ENERGY TO SAY NO, AND THE ADDICTION HAS A LOT OF ENERGY TO SAY YES TO ME. THIS IS FUCKING BLACK MAGIC

im sorry for swearing but this is very emotional to me and i need to throw those words out of myself

Breadman · Mar 15, 2020

Forgive yourself. Start again. Just think, in the past this was your normal life. Any day you don’t do PMO is one less of that miserable existence. So what if you fail every so often? That’s why there’s a new day every sunrise. Get your $h—t together and go again. You’ll always have urges. That’s why they call it addiction. Fail as many times as you must just don’t give up.
It’s not about perfection it’s about getting better.

Vairagya · Mar 15, 2020

You can start again friend. That was long streak you achieved. I would be very happy to get even close to that. It will be easier for you to achieve this time. Start again..

jeffmbaptist · Mar 16, 2020

Start again bro. The best football QBs are the ones that forgot their last bad play.

Dust yourself off and try again.

BecomeMaster · Mar 16, 2020

DETERMINED!!!!!!!!! said: ↑

Hello
I dont know what the fuck is going on! Guys, I felt off 115 day streak and within 1.5 week i fapped to porn 8 times. I somehow keep going into it deeper and deeper and today it was 1 or 2 hours edging session with porn. I have been seriously addicted since 12 or 11. When on streak i already started to have a completely new life, i felt this kind of happiness and energy like when i was kid. It was lifechanging, i could talk with anyone like in the past, i could go on the street and fucking laugh, none and nothing could disrupt my being right there. I WAS ONCE AGAIN IN THE LIFE, porn was not a problem at all, but i fucked something up. I started to look at some pics and shit more often and often. Out of curiosity. Quick look there and there. There was a days when i got myself so excited that it lasted for hours or days. That led to relapse. And that would be kind of normal if it stopped on that one. But somehow im not able to get back on streak. I tell myself i wont do it, i wrote it down, i deleted all porn i had, but when it comes to the day 2-3 of nofap, fucking ridiculous shit happens. I turn into completely different person, nothing in the world matters. There is no nofap, there is no streak, no life, no future, no past, no me. I sit infront of pc and desperately try to recover my favourite porn files with recovery software, i read forums about recovering files all shaking, i go to every porn site i know trying to replace it, some of me tells me to stop but im completely possessed, My will is absolutely 0. All i want is more and more, i dont even feel like i was wanting to stop, i feel like that bug which got parasite that controls its brain. Another ridiculous shit - i even started to not regret it, yes, thats right, i lie now on my bed and i dont give a fuck! why is that? I want to go back, i want to start again but my brain says: no, u do this, i dont care what is your goal, u did it? good boy, now rest. And i cant go against it, I CANT SAY NO TO MY CARVINGS, I LOST ALL ENERGY TO SAY NO, AND THE ADDICTION HAS A LOT OF ENERGY TO SAY YES TO ME. THIS IS FUCKING BLACK MAGIC

im sorry for swearing but this is very emotional to me and i need to throw those words out of myself
Click to expand...

That's the first time I have heard someone else mention the "shaking." I don't know if that happens a lot for people, but it happens with me, and the shaking makes me feel like I'm in some fear mode, that if I don't satisfy my urges the world will end.

I even get the file recovery frenzy!! I've done it before. Use something like this to to shred all your pornography files for good. I've used that (or some version of it) to shred a bunch of porn I had for good. Also, for good measure, try finding a large file like a a Linux ISO (it doesn't have to be, just find a huge file) and duplicate it until your drive is full (like with CTRL-C, CTRL-V), then delete it all. Basically this overwrites all of the leftover data to your p*rn.

And stop downloading p*rn. If you have to watch it, watch it online! So you don't end up with a bunch of tempting porn on your computer.

The Pennsylvanian · Mar 16, 2020

Throw the computer outside and smash it with a hammer and then jump up and down on the pieces as you yell like the ancient warrior within. If you have to use a computer for work, go to the library, otherwise completely reject all internet. The only website i have access to is this one, on my phone. I cannot look up porn even if I wanted to.

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IM DROWNING

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