In a stable relationship, on my way to cheat?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by phwrancesco, Aug 1, 2020.

  1. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys.

    For some context, because i know some of the answers i'm gonna get, i do not watch porn or masturbate anymore since 2017 so it can't be porns fault.

    I've been on a stable relationship for the last 3 years and, even if i love my girl and i'm pretty confident i want a family with her, i feel like my sexual desires are taking a different direction.

    Sex with her is still really really good, so i can't complain about that, but fact is that my drive for other girls is increasing at an unsustainable rate.

    I just feel the physiological need to seek other girls, because i like girls and as a man i seek novelty.

    So i'm starting questioning my own nature: does it make sense for me to repress my healty and natural desire for women?
     
  2. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    I think you should either stay loyal to her or break up, cheating is really low but I don't judge you for having those feelings and I've often thought about what I would do if I were to meet a girl I really liked when I have all of these unfulfilled sexual desires. I guess you have to ask yourself which you would regret more - losing this girl or not having sex with a bunch of other women. Of course you could have your cake and eat it but cheating is a horrible thing to do, personally I couldn't live with myself but maybe you could. Putting aside your current thoughts, how would you feel if you found out she had been with another man?
     
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  3. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    It has nothing to do with you being a man. Studies have shown that women have just as much, or even more, desire for novelty. It has probably more to do with you being young and perhaps not finding the one for you yet, even though I'm sure you like your lady. Better to break up than to go around panting like a dog; it won't benefit any of you. Monogamy is not for everyone and that's fine. But locking someone in a "pretend" relationship is just plain awful.
     
  4. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    I wouldn't call 3 years of living togheter like "pretend" relationship.

    My relationship is more real then 90% at least of the people.

    Plus, i don't buy at all the classic "you didn't find the right one": it's some hardcore teenager stuff, i'm not a teenager anymore.
     
  5. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    It is pretend monogamy if you wanna pork other people. You think she would be happy with that? No, the reason she is in this relationship is because you keep her in the dark. I'm not saying you don't care for her, or that the relationship is overall bad. You might be a really good friend to her, and I'm sure she is a fantastic girl. She migbt be 10 out of 10, it still doesn't make her "the one". Trust me, once you are really in love with someone, the feelings of wanna be with others go away. Until then, it doesnt.

    Feeling a compelling need for sexual freedom is very common in both young men and young women. Sometimes, that feeling can persist for well into adulthood (30+). Again, it's nothing wrong with that and it's certainly not something that is reserved for teenagers. As long as you don't tie another innocent person down, live your best life!
     
    Ghabbbyyyy likes this.
  6. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I do not understand why you do not see these two quotes as related. Why did you quit porn?

    We cannot answer that, only you can. My guess is that you are playing at being in a comitted relationship and you are not ready to settle down. If I am right you should leave her and spend some time dating other women. It's not fair on her, she is wasting her time with you.

    The reason I would, and perhaps why @Lilla_My did, is this bit:
    You seem to feel love as a hypothetical, not something visceral.

    No, but you still may not be ready to settle down.
     
    Lilla_My likes this.
  7. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    Once again, i don't buy the "find the one" speech. People who makes it is always single and scared of committing.

    I did committ to a relationship and flipped my life around for it so i really don't think i need to prove anything about it.

    I share with her my thought about having other girls and she's somehow opened to try a little bit, but i'm pretty sure this will not translate in nothing good on a pratical level.

    I don't know how this is gonna go, totally unpredictable for now.
     
  8. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    I was like you, and am now married. My marriage has confirmed what I always knew - monogamy doesn't necessarily present itself in every relationship; it comes natural when and if you are ready for it, which you clearly aren't.

    She will probably "try" anything in order for you to change and eventually become hers. This won't happen. What will happen is that her self esteem and feminity will be ground down to a fine paste, and she will have issues in her next relationship. Save her that anguish and heartbreak.
     
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  9. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    No at all, but cheating on your current woman isn't either. Talk to her about this and ask her what she feels about having an open relationship, of course if you can handle the fact that she is going to be dating other guys too. if not.. you should broke up with her and go and explore this new nature you are feeling.
     
  10. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    We talk about this sometimes. I clearly make my point with her, she knows my position but i'm not intersted in sharing my woman atm.

    I think she actually would be more upset if i offer her to be shared with other men rather then not.
     
  11. Phoenix121

    Phoenix121 New Fapstronaut

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    It is funny how people attribute "natural" feelings and attractions to being good things.
    Look at this website, it is obvious that our urges and desires are not often good things for us. Our brains are wired for us to want to reproduce like any organism on the planet. It is our hearts, will, and morals that should guide us.
    Everyone has sexual attraction, it is up to us to know resist unhealthy ones. You got married, you made the choice to resist these attractions toward anyone else. You obviously love her, care for her, and find her attractive. And so you are lucky to have her, many people don't find someone. Don't ever give up on that.
    Resist attraction towards other women, just as all men must. Just as I am now, fighting a terrible addiction to PMO.

    Therefore yes. It is 100% something you should repress. These desires are not "healthy", but may be natural in the sense that they are an aspect of your biology. Giving in to this, despite having a good life and wife, is certainly not natural and would show a halmark sign of an addicted making bad/harmful decisions and ruining their life for a fix (that in reality won't make you happy).
     
  12. RIPZYZZ

    RIPZYZZ Fapstronaut

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    If it really is a good relationship then you should be able to be honest with your girl. Share your desires with her (in a nice way) and maybe you'll learn some of her. Maybe she's open to opening the relationship a bit more, if she's not then at least you've been honest, and that feeling is amazing.
     
  13. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    We talked about this, she claims to be open to accomplish some of my desires but i kinda know deep inside she's suffering abput that. I feel bad for this too :)
     
  14. Shambler

    Shambler Fapstronaut

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    You have a choice. You can either choose to make yourself grow up and be the responsible man you'd need to be to start a family or you can not.
     

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