Is it me or are most of the good women already in relationships?

You got this. Their are plenty of women in the world looking for healthy whole life giving partners. Become a better you. Get after chasing an adventure. Women know they are not the adventure. So on with your reboot. Get after an awesome adventure the rest will work it self out. Build 10 or so new healthy habits into your life and crush this. The ladies will be waiting. They like balanced life giving people.

 

I'll tell you something that most people will never tell you.

You don't necessarily have a "type". Next time, see the girls who are interested in you and you'll get the gist of it. You don't do the choosing, they do. That's why confidence scores major points, not just with Women but your professional life as well. As corny as that sounds, it's quite true. Either they like you because of your sure-ness or they don't like you because you're indecisive.

My guess is that you might be giving off a different vibe. You think you want a relationship, but you are behaving in a way that conveys no interest in relationships. Just my two cents. Virgins tend to think they want a relationship, but they behave in a way they just want sex but are too afraid to admit it. You should focus on losing your virginity FIRST before you even think about a relationship. Just be cool and confident. If a girl gives you a chance, that's awesome. If not, don't sweat it there are more options than you actually realize. You're stuck in between the poverty mentality and the prosperity mentality.

Hell, I used to think I wanted a relationship but I was conveying a different vibe to girls. It wasn't until a few years ago did I realize my mistake. I would go to parties and try for the relationship route. Now, I just go with it and not sweat it. If I end up in a relationship, cool. If sex is all I get, cool. I don't really care all that much. I'm focused on improving myself. My point is don't let sex or relationship be the be-all end-all solution to your virginity problem. You are on this site to become a BETTER PERSON, remember? Focus on becoming a better person, not chasing after women who won't give you the time of day...

 

Father with multiple daughters. I appreciate your goal and like young men not after sex with my daughters.


“Let them take courage who are humbled by their passions. For even if they fall into every pit and are caught in every snare, when they attain health they will become healers, luminaries, beacons and guides to all, teaching about the forms of every sickness and through their own experience saving those who are about to fall.”[4]

 

@Earl Sweatshirt, first of all, awesome name, love his new album Secondly, just step back and take a deep breath (literally. Start meditating). Third, I'm about to turn 29, never kissed a girl, let alone sex, never had a girlfriend, and only gone on a few "dates", so stop fretting over this, you're still very young. I've been in your shoes more than I care to think about, and now when I look back after all these years it was ALL IN MY HEAD. Do I have a girlfriend now? No. But after finally grounding myself and beginning the healing process of cutting out pmo, I am gaining the confidence that will allow me to. I know that if I had even half of the confidence I do now that I would have had tons of success with the ladies years ago, but never could complete the act of going out with them, I always made excuses for myself and played the poor me card when they were never attracted to me. I am extremely confident that by the end of the year I will have had at least one girlfriend. It's a major goal of mine and I will look to make it so.

For a while I used my shyness as my excuse and had the attitude that they can approach me and ask me out on dates just as much as I can. WRONG. It's our job to do that and by doing so highlights your confidence which makes them more attracted to you. Why do you think so many guys that look like total tools or the likes have gorgeous ladies on their arms? Confidence. I've been told by many ladies that that's what they find most attractive in men. Don't have it? That's okay, neither did many of us. Just have conviction in yourself and face your fears. Once you step outside of your box enough you'll start to gain more confidence.

And whatever you do avoid pmo AT ALL COSTS. For me, that was the game changer. Once I got to around 10 days everything started to fall in place for me and it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Anxiety? Gone. Fear of talking to girls? Gone. Confidence in myself? Rising. Also, stop with the self-pity, it does you no good and makes you that less attractive to girls. Just think to yourself, would you want to be with someone who is needy and putting themselves down because they don't think they're good enough compared to others?

 

And what would they exactly gain from losing their virginity? They would have sex once and then could brag to their friends that they finally had sex. But if it just stays at a one night stand the virgin hasn't really gained anything. I think a lot of virgins are actually virgins because they are more serious about relationships and don't feel comfortable with having sex with a woman they don't know well. Not all guys are down to have sex with the majority of women they meet.
I'm a virgin too and I want a relationship and not a one night stand to lose my virginity. I would gain nothing from the later.
Everybody is different. Some guys want to have sex just for the sake of having sex and there is nothing wrong with that as long as they are honest and transparent about it.
Some guys want to build a connection with a woman before having sex. How do you know what Earl Sweatshirt really wants?

 

Your post made me think of this:

Spoiler: Slight trigger warning

 

THIS. THUMBS UP TO THE MAX.
I find it menial and non-issue of people complaining about not finding a decent girl. They are losing sight of the original reason why they joined this movement. Men find solutions to problems. Also, I don't understand why I'm being attacked here, ya know? He's focusing on his virginity and I simply suggested he then go out there and just try to have sex. Of course, not in public. I mean if it's bothering him so much, shouldn't he take care of it instead of complaining? Am I right?

 

You know its kind of funny, the females that I am usually most attracted to are also in relationships. It may be because they are in the relationship, like I feel better without the whole "cat and mouse" dynamic, or maybe the girls that actually have good relationships are attractive to me because, well, I want to be in a relationship myself. I'm sure there are still girls out there for you though, there are always more fish in the sea may be cheesy but its truth

 

^ Agreed with this guy.

Also, there's something to be said about the fact that these women are dating someone, not married to someone (I'm assuming), so there's still a large possibility that they could one day be single again. I mean I'm not saying to wait around and hope for their relationship to fail, but I fell in love with my best friend once, while he was dating someone else, and it was super depressing. But then they broke up and we ended up dating for almost a year. So ya never know! I also think that part of the reason I was attracted to him was, kind of like @melancholy king said, because I could see very clearly how good of a boyfriend he would be, because he was really great to his lady, so that was endearing.

 

Well then just stop thinking about that stuff, stop convincing yourself you're always seeing the good girls in a relationship and stolen by other dudes. Don't judge yourself so much and there is a chick out there for you, just gota put yourself out there and make friends with other girls and if things click you guys will get engaged and married but if all you want is just a chick to bang then I don't know lol

 

Stop over thinking and analyzing things. You do realize that every single person who is currently in a relationship was single at one point, right? You act like there is an odd amount of people on this planet and that you're the odd man out. You need to erase your negative thoughts and start thinking more positively. Negativity only attracts more and more negativity. You wanna know why some guys get the ladies so easily? Because they are confident and positive natured, which as a guy makes me want to be friends with someone more like that than a negative nancy.

Trust me, it gets better, starting with quitting pmo. It clouds our minds and makes approaching women seem like an impossible task. In less than a week I've already been super friendly with 2 girls at school, and not once did the thought of "O fuck, she probably has a boyfriend, well forget her" cross my mind, like it used to. I just made connections in friendly manners and started showing interest. Am I hoping at least one will lead to a date or better yet a girlfriend? Hell yes I am. Will I get upset if either one doesn't? Nope, because there are millions of others out there for me, and I can gain heaps of experience from talking and becoming friends with both.

 

This is of course a very contentious subject, I'll just chip in my two cents. Your ideal that a [romantic] relationship should be based on friendship is sound. Some girls (actually the vast majority) I have had a romantic interest for made it clear that we are "just friends" and always will be just that. I don't think it does you any good to second-guess yourself as if putting on the moves faster would have improved your overall chances with that girl. This is a convenient fiction ("it can't be me so it must have been the technique") our mind cooks up to avoid facing the truth that you just weren't right for each other. Be thankful you didn't waste time getting physically/emotionally entangled in something when she wasn't fully onboard with it.
I do think there is something to the "at-first-sight" concept. Up until a few months ago, I was standing in your shoes: virgin, never kissed, never been in a relationship longer than a month or so. Then I met a young woman and we just had great chemistry from the start. We weren't in love, per se, but we both knew right up front that the interest was romantic. We're still together (and closer than ever) after 4 1/2 months. So don't give up hope, and stay focused on improving yourself!