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Is it okay to have sex while on NoFap?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by PK08, Mar 3, 2023.

  1. PK08

    PK08 New Fapstronaut

    Hey Guys,
    I am married guy who has just started nofap to get my strength back. I am trying to repair the damage that I have done to my physical and mental health by not masturbating. Just had a question that what if I have a sex with my partner? Will it be considered as relapse? Please help me with this. Thanks
    Kartik_2022 likes this.
  2. Malbec

    Malbec New Fapstronaut

    That's really sort of a personal choice, I'd say. Some people might choose to abstain completely from any sexual contact during their reboot, but others would choose to have sex. Personally, I'd say if you're married and your wife is willing, then definitely have sex.
    Caveat Emptor, Brent456 and henryhill like this.
  3. Kartik_2022

    Kartik_2022 Fapstronaut

    You will get the benefits if you stay clear of porn.

    Having sex with your partner is totally fine. It not a relapse. Make sure you are mentally there with your partner during sex and not hooked to scenes of porns playing in your mind.

    You will have a speedy recovery from porn induced sexual issues incase you can do hardmode for 30 to 90 days.
    I have experienced it.

    Caveat Emptor, Brent456 and henryhill like this.
  4. Longtime27

    Longtime27 Fapstronaut

    The aim for most NoFappers is to reconnect with what is real, what is healthy, i.e, intimate and loving sexual practice with a significant other.

    The only caveat I would throw out there is around self-control/discipline. There is a reward pathway where orgasm leads to the desire for more orgasm in those of us with a pre-disposition towards PMO or MO.
    I would just advise caution that achieving orgasm in the early stages of trying to rewire / change, may lead you to seek it out again via PMO / MO.

    Just something to be mindful of in my experience, but in reality, make healthy sex with your wife your focal point and your goal / desire and you'll be on the right path :)
    Brent456 and henryhill like this.
  5. corporatehack

    corporatehack Fapstronaut

    Practice the healthy habits, that is to say, have sex with your wife. Notice your triggers , for me it was PMO the day after we had sex.
    have you told her about your plans to quit porn? I told my wife and found it to be a key part of recovery.
    Craig2121 and henryhill like this.
  6. StevenR

    StevenR Fapstronaut

    I have been single for both my reboots. I think there's some value in not having an O for a while to retrain your brain.
    It's a personal decision on how you want to do it. Once you make your decision stick with it.
  7. Meshuga

    Meshuga Fapstronaut

    This comes down to personal choice, but if you're serious and good to stick with the pain to actually take this thing on, you learn a few things. Basically, if you're married and still having frequent sex, your brain just learns that it can't get O from streaming videos or images any more but it can get it from this warm body over here so that's what it uses. Sounds like it could be a good thing, but it ends up just using her as an object to get off, not bonding with your partner on a meaningful level. Virtually all married men I've met on NoFap that I have met have concluded they need at least some time in "Hard Mode" to recover. Usually they fall off the wagon at about 60 days and everything's fine. Just let it happen naturally, though. Don't even look forward to it, don't give your addicted brain that carrot, that promise that it'll get it's fix if only it white knuckles it long enough.

    The key here, though, is you need your SO on board if you're going to do this. Your sex life is not yours, it belongs to both of you, it has to be a joint decision. She has to agree to temporary abstinence. That means you have to tell her, but as a half of the marriage relationship, she has a right to know what is going on anyway. This is a point that is met with most resistance, it usually takes a while for guys to build up the courage to disclose, and there are no guarantees for how she will react. Many are surprised to find their SO already knows they have a porn problem, or that their SO has known for a long time there is a problem and they are relieved to have a name for it and a solution in the works. We don't hide this as well as we think. Others, though, are very angry. Some have even left after their addict disclosed. Those addicts like to blame the disclosure for ending the relationship, but it isn't. It was the behavior they engaged in as an addict, and that final bit of information was the watershed moment their SO needed to understand the man they married wasn't there anymore. Sounds daunting, but this is the only ethical thing to do, and for virtually everyone, completely necessary for recovery.
    I know everyone thinks they're going to be the special snowflake that's the exception, but you're not. You need to disclose.

    Returning to the issue of sex during reboot, I tend to think of "porn" as a simple name for a larger sexual dysfunction that frames sex as transactional, objectifying, and strictly for recreation. The reason pornography messes a person up so badly is that this is an entirely wrong way to view sex. Sex is for reproduction, and for pair-bonding. Any other use is a misuse, but without a break in using bodies for your own gratification, your addicted brain is going to keep your SO in the same category as porn stars; not a person you love, but a thing you use, then put back on a shelf to use again later. Your SO does not want to be used. Again, my strong recommendation is to disclose, and to try for Hard Mode as long as she can stand it.

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