Is this a Relapse??

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Quaresma, Jan 13, 2018.

  1. Quaresma

    Quaresma Fapstronaut

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    I have a question. I am on the hard mode 90 days challenge for 55 days. I didnt watch porn, didnt masturbate and didnt have orgasms with pmo!!!

    The last days i have lot of wet dreams! Thats i guess normal right?

    But the last days i also have a whatsapp conversation with a older woman i met on facebook. We talk alot about that we want to meer so we can have alot of sex.
    We have dirty talk and talk about how i would fuck her and what she would like to do.. in this conversation I get hard and there is also some precum.

    I dont touch my penis, dont masturbate and also dont have the urge to watch porn!! I mean after the conversation i dont PMO ans also dont think about PMO!!

    Should i better stop this conversation or is this not a problem? Is this a relapse?
    Im now 55 days of PMO free.. i hope i will get a good answer!
    Thanks!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 17, 2018
  2. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    It is you who defines what is acceptable for you and what isn't. Ask yourself if you're okay with this. Formulate your own definitions of acceptable and unacceptable sexual behaviors.

    For myself, I choose that only having sex (real or virtual) with a woman I like is acceptable, if we're in a relationship.
     
    Quaresma likes this.
  3. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    You define if it is a relapse or not. You set your own boundaries of healthy/unhealthy behaviors.
     
  4. SelfControlIsTheGoal

    SelfControlIsTheGoal Fapstronaut

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    Not a relapse if its just no PMO, but i guess it could be a P sub. Talking like that to girls has caused me to relapse in the past so just ya know... watch out
     
  5. Quaresma

    Quaresma Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the warning my friend!
     
  6. Sandsii

    Sandsii Fapstronaut

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    Wouldn't consider this a relapse but it depends on what your goals are. If you started nofap to have sex with real women and you are about to get that then I wouldn't worry about it. One word of caution, just make sure this woman you met on facebook is genuine. So many fake accounts on there.
     
  7. diogo431509

    diogo431509 Fapstronaut

    I used to talk to a girl online when I was on my longest streak. And I had boners while we talked about subjects not concerning sex.

    I consider this "dirty talk" a relapse. Well, if you want to get laid, and are doing NoFap to get laid I don't see a reason to reset since you didn't use PMO. Depends heavily on your goals, man. Elaborate on that and we can help you more. But I guess you already know the answer deep inside.
     
  8. Thomas8

    Thomas8 Fapstronaut

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    Agree a wet dream is not a release. For your conversation you'll need to be careful make sure that doesn't become a pmo sub.
     
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  9. bike-wrench

    bike-wrench Fapstronaut

    So the question is about your reaction to this conversation, right? Well, is this sex with a real person, or is it just a Whatsapp conversation? Is it your goal to be faithful to one person, or maybe to avoid masturbation and only be sexual with real partners, or maybe masturbation is OK for you and you only want to avoid porn? What's your goal?
     
  10. Quaresma

    Quaresma Fapstronaut

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    It was a whatsapp conversation with a real persom about sex and dirty talk. I want to avoid porn, masturbationd and orgasm.. I avoided him, but in the conversation i get hard en came some precum.. did i Relapse?

    Thanks!
     
  11. I wouldn't count any of that as a relapse. But you are probably making this more difficult for yourself.
     
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  12. bike-wrench

    bike-wrench Fapstronaut

    If you're trying to avoid PMO, and you got hard and had precum, I'd say two things:
    1. YOu avoided a relapse, but barely. It's like trying not to get run over by a car while you're playing solitaire in the middle of a superhighway.
    2. If you want to avoid PMO, why are you engaging in that kind of Whatsapp conversation?
    Others may have different thoughts about whether it's a relapse or not. I'm not primarily concerned about that. My primary concern in your case is this: what are you doing teasing yourself in that situation, if you say you want to avoid PMO? What are you really about?
     
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  13. Quaresma

    Quaresma Fapstronaut

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    You are right! I should stop this..
    How should i do that? Its not me who starts te conversation.. she always starts to talk to me and begin about sex etc..

    What is your advice??
    Thanks!!
     
  14. Quaresma

    Quaresma Fapstronaut

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    Thankss!!
     
  15. Quaresma

    Quaresma Fapstronaut

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    Whats your advice to stop??
    Its she who always starts the conversation.. she always starts about sex.. she is 44 years old and i am 26..
     
  16. bike-wrench

    bike-wrench Fapstronaut

    I think it's time to think about what you really want. Are you having sex with her? Is that OK? If it is, are the phone conversations part of your relationship with her?

    Is she just teasing you? Does she just enjoy the power she has over you on these calls? Or are the phone conversations part of your relationship with her?
    I'm not against all masturbation, only unhealthy masturbation to porn. What does on within the bounds of a real relationship is between the people in the relationship, as long as nobody is getting hurt or damaged (and as long as you're both being reasonably honest).

    What do you really want with her?
     
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  17. Quaresma

    Quaresma Fapstronaut

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    I Realy dont know men..
    She sent me an ivitation on facebook and we start talking.. after a while we changed out phone numbers and start talking on whatsapp..
    So we are now talking about 3/4 days on whatsapp and its always about sex.. she is 44 and i Am 26.. she always says i want to meet you so you can fuck me etc etc.. i like it hard etc etc. Thats turns me on and i get soms precum, but i dont touch my penis or masturbate i also dont PMO.

    I think i should stop this contact because it can cause a relapse after a while, am i right?

    Whats your advice???
     
  18. bike-wrench

    bike-wrench Fapstronaut

    I don't have advice; I don't know about the situation. If you're going to go have a relationship with her, do that (many people come to this forum because PMO has messed up their real relationships, and they want to reboot so they can have relationships with real partners). Right on the home page, NoFap describes itself as "sex-positive". If you can see yourself in a relationship with this person, maybe it's OK.

    But if she is only a Whatsapp contact and you're never going to do more than talk with her on Whatsapp and get all heated up, then maybe it's time to let this go. It sounds like the fact that you go to masturbate after your conversations with her is distressing to you. If that's the only thing this is ever going to be, then it doesn't sound like it fits in with your real goals for yourself.

    So what is your real goal with her? Is something more going to happen, or is it just that you two talk on Whatsapp, you get all heated up (I'm sure she's having fun with it, too, or she wouldn't be doing it), then you go and fap and feel guilty about it? It's time for you to think about what this is really about, and whether you see it as good for you or not.
     
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  19. Quaresma

    Quaresma Fapstronaut

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    Thank you verry much men! You helped me for real! May God bless you!

    Im going to stop this contact because there will come a moment i cant control my urges and then relapse!

    Im on day 59 and its not worth to relapse!!!

    Thanks man!!
     
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  20. bike-wrench

    bike-wrench Fapstronaut

    OK. It sounds like she's just a Whatsapp contact. Then you're doing the right thing. Do your disciplines, work your plan. When a real relationship comes along, focus on that; you'll be better able to do it if you're not focusing on empty Whatsapp tomfoolery.

    Do the next right thing.
     
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