Warning: This stuff gets kind of specific, If your uncomfortable with this topic you have full rights to go. So after browsing through this specific area of NoFap I feel that I had enough confidence to get this off my chest. I have a few fetishes that is causing major HOCD. To be specific I can list pretty much all of them. Quickly explain my story: I found out about masturbation on youtube when I was 12 & how todo it. The day I turned 13 I fully ejaculated & on that day I was hooked. I stayed to women & kepted at it until I was mid in high school. I started looking at transformation stuff (Hypnos as well) I started caring less & less about girls & moving towards guys (I originally imagined as girls which turned into me not caring). Then come college where I found a couple games that I all of my charts. (For the sake of everyone that games names shall remain empty) !Next Paragraph may cause a trigger so heads up! Gender Bending / Transformation, Femdom, Sissys, pegging, & Yiffing. (I didn't participate in such). (Those are the main ones but I have other ones that fall under those charts) These caused me to have tainted thoughts of "God I want someone to fill my holes" or "I wish I could be a girl.". Followed by having an sudden urge to have some sort of anal penetration or looking up some way to have an "assgasm or sissygasm" (Some of which were followed me actually fulfilling those urges (although I never actually experienced an orgasm via penetration) ). !You Gooda! The problem I face is that when I look these things up or have urges I also have thoughts of "I'm not gay or a sissy". I have no attraction towards guys but regular pornography just doesn't phase me anymore. All day today I was researching if I actually gay&/or a sissy. I figure that this a part of a new term I learned about called HOCD. Porn is warping my mind & changing my sexuality (I have nothing against gay/trans folks). I fear that if I don't change my habits fast, I'm going to cause some permanent damage. I tried doing Nofap multiple times. The most recent ones were a 5 Day streak, a 35 day streak (that ended due to a game called Escape from Tarkov), & now my current streak of 4 days (which due prostate fingering I don't know I should keep ). I've said that third times the charm. I've added Cold Turkey Blocker to my computer & restrictions to my phone. I've fixed my sleep schedule a little bit, & I workout at least 4 times a week. But I might need todo even more then that. Anyone got any advice? (I add surprisingly common to the title due to the vast majority of people having a similar problem)
Hey, I had every single fetish that you mentioned and I am clean now. If you are looking for AP who went through this send me a message, I'll gladly help.
I mean it's a typical thing that can happen, you aren't necessarily attracted to men, maybe it comes more in the viewing of the penis, and the way women are dominated, you come to be attracted to that way of sex, and you come to find that you want to be on the other end of it sometimes. It's good that you haven't actually gone into it, as that will probably be another escalation of your addiction, so be happy, but you've got to find a way to come back to earth and your own mind. I don't think you'll ever do permanent damage, it will just take longer to maybe come back to your usual ways of thinking. That's obviously not an excuse, just try not to worry that you are too far gone, you can overcome these thoughts in time but they will never be gone for good, you will just be able to deal with them. I went into my thoughts, I spoke to men online, I shared photos and even bought a sex toy to use and met a man for sexual acts. So I have gone further than you have from what I am saying, and I assure you that I am past that worry of being gay or bi, I am absolutely over my confusion and I am rarely getting thoughts of it anymore, and I can deal with them when I do. So that goes to show that it can come back, if anything I have like 95% heterosexual thoughts now, the gay or bi thoughts rarely come to me now. I hope this helps, if you have any questions or want some guidance just drop me a message.
I think when it comes to talking online I relied on an online pornography game (that's pretty much texted based). It was totally single player. But I started getting obsessed with 1 specific character. (to clarify I don't mean to accidently trigger folks but next sentence gets kinda descriptive) His name was Berwyn, he was a Feminine looking short semi wolfboy. Had the libido of yes. I believe that this problem was rooted (fetishes specifically), I had desires for him. But those desires led to fantasies, which led to gay thoughts, which led to HOCD. The game specifically is called Corruption of Champions 2. That game is a part of why I'm here. (Alright that's enough)
I'm starting to have these thoughts too (however I'm trying to keep them just in my head until they fade away, acting on them will only make them more real, I think) and they are really affecting me. Check out this playlist, it really did help me in intense times. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqVdLz3vowWEibZG2qY43uyRZxpLSB29R I Hope you get better man. Best of luck my friend.
It does sound more fetish based than confusion of your sexuality though, like it's obvious that it comes from porn use, so try not to overthink it, if it pops up again just try and take a breath and centre your mind to what you really think.
A few habit changes will help, and exercise 4x a week is a great one to stick with long-term! I had similar issues with sissy porn and subsequent confusion about my sexual orientation and even sexual identity (yeah, I really didn't feel comfortable being masculine at one point). This was over 5 years ago. The sissy interest only comes up very rarely as a passing thought now. One thing that helped me was to brainstorm where I wanted to be in a few years time. What kind of job would I have? Which hobbies? Would I live in a different city? Date women or try to start a family? I took my time with this, trying to make it realistic, but also something to get excited about! I believe when you get that vision of what your ideal scenario is, it's a lot easier to make goals for today, next week, next month. It's the accumulation of small changes that will transform you. The combination of starving your brain of the porn fix, and hitting small goals in life, will eventually bring back that fire in the belly. Your masculine energy will inevitably return, it just takes time.
