NoFap 30 Day Mark Experience (Long post)
A whole lot has happened prior to these 30 days. It is very difficult to translate it into words but I'll do my best. I'll break my experience down into the things that really stood out the most for me. Here they are:
TRIGGERS
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What were they and how did I act towards them?
Triggers are everywhere. I mean there's a sexual innuendo of some sort in almost every film, cartoon, TV series or advertisement but for me, triggers came from TV series and music videos. My solution? I stop watching and go do something else instead. I often change the channel quickly or just turn the TV off often in rage because they (society) don't want to see us win...
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What do I generally think about them thus far?
Well, media and society are
very aware of how powerful sexual energy is! We're all familiar with the term
"sex sells", well, unfortunately that's very true, but, I want to shed some light on something that I found to be quite disturbing. Remember
vanilla porn (softcore). Well, almost 90% of pornsites don't offer that stuff anymore, in fact, the way the sites are set up, they don't even give you an option... it's straight to the hard-core stuff! The softcore stuff is slowly being displaced and reintergrated into commercial media. It's not uncommon to see half naked or even almost-fully-naked women in commercials, series and especially music videos - certain
female Hip-hop artists, whom I shall not name (and whom I fapped to many-a-times) exploit this to the greatest possible degree. This commercialized vanilla just lubes you up to go and binge on the hard-core stuff. It's a vicious cycle...
MENTAL STATUS
☆MMA's ( Morning Mental Attack(s) )
Which is just waking up with a dark cloud hovering above you, feeling extremely depressed and unwilling to face the day. I've had nothing of that sort until this point in time.
Getting a MMA just screw your ENTIRE day up!
☆Courage to confront thoughts I've been running away from and avoiding (via distractions like PMO)
Ok, so I have been deeply thinking about my ex and our breakup and its causes and I had to consciously reflect back on our relationship and internally take responsibility for how things went (due to my PMO). I'm taking lack of trust, emotional disconnection, feeling insecure when she was around other dudes, not feeling confident or good enough, being unable to make eye contact with her and feeling like our relationship is one bad script that I've written for us both and getting super mad and defensive when she deviates from it (basically... failure to just be authentic). Also to just forgive myself you know

. To move forward positively...
PHYSICAL STATUS
☆Weird sensation in penis around 2-week mark.
Ok, so around 14-15 days I have been experiencing a weird sensation in my penis, especially after I pee. It felt as if after the urine, a stream of jizz would soon follow! Thankfully, that was not the case. Also, there was this this particular time where I just finished taking a bath and I got that exact same feeling so I decided to firmly hold my (flaccid) penis and squeeze gently and as I did, a clear, thick, jelly-like substance came out. It was not a lot but it had a slippery texture and it felt like really thick semen...
So there you go, that has been my experience thus far. It was really tough to put it in words but I hope it helps someone