Journal

For Fapstronauts who are disciples of Christ

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  1. letciciwe

    letciciwe Fapstronaut

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    Hi there!
    I've tried NoFap about two months ago but after little over a month I broke up with my girlfriend and I just couldn't handle my emotions at the time and PMOed. And it became my habit again.
    Now I wish to start the challenge again. Previously my main reason was to not "cheat" on gf. Now I wish to center more around God which will be hard because I don't really feel connection with him right now. The fact that I prefer youtube to Bible does not help with that but I'm going to try reading in my free, maybe without meditation (as it just seems to my too mind consuming and I really want to relax after work and university) but to just have the contact with the Scripture.
    I wanted to start a journal because it's a way for me to show my feelings and thoughts to people with similar beliefs to mine, as in "real world" majority of my friends are atheists. It will also be some sort of accountability blog. It will also allow me to monitor my progress. Let's start.

    Day 0:
    So today I start.
    I'm a little bit afraid. I broke up with my girlfriend recently and I'm overflowed by emotions. My policy for the previous week was "you have to cope with the loss and loneliness first, don't restrict yourself". So I ate and drink and PMOed way too much. I'm afraid that restricting PMO will drive me crazy as it did previously. And it probably will. And the fact that I feel powerless when I'm not in relationship does not help.
    Yesterday at the mass was Parable of the Prodigal Son. It really spoke to me, but as you see day 0 is today not yesterday. I feel like a son who wants to feed on pigs' pods and somehow survives on the leftovers but I can't really feel the love of my Father to come to him for the real food and love. I hope NoFap will bring me closer to him.
     
    Refined and newtry like this.
  2. newtry

    newtry Fapstronaut

    Absolutely. This can be a great opportunity for you to get closer to God. Pray every day for this. It is very, very difficult to bear the temptation, I also know it very well, and it is terrible to have to deal with the feeling of guilt, but God allows it for some reason that we do not know. I'll be praying for you!
     
    letciciwe likes this.
  3. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    There is lots of great Bible content on YT, so I am not sure why that needs to be a limitation. Check out these channels!
    - https://www.youtube.com/user/jointhebibleproject
    - https://www.youtube.com/user/InspiringPhilosophy

    Also, learn your Sacred Pathway to better understand how you best connect with God. Study of the Scripture is not the primary means of connection for everyone, and that's okay!
    https://irp-cdn.multiscreensite.com/2988a589/files/uploaded/sacred-pathways.pdf

    Like the Prodigal, when the pain of being apart from the Father and his house is greater than the pain of being trapped in sin and filth, then you will return to him, no matter what it takes. Leaving PMO will not really drive you crazy -- that's just a lie you have told yourself and still believe. In fact, it will do just the opposite! But it is a very hard thing to let go of once it has its hooks deep in your mind. That is why we fight this together, encouraging one another on as we go.

    I look forward to hearing more about your journey. God bless you as you pursue the Son!
     
    letciciwe likes this.
  4. letciciwe

    letciciwe Fapstronaut

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    @newtry thanks for the prayers, I'll pray for you too!

    @Tao Jones thanks for recommendations, I'll look into them tomorrow on my way to work. Also thanks for the words of encouragement.

    Day 1:
    It was quite ok, most of the day I was busy at work and my thoughts didn't have a chance to wander. When I got home I had a little temptation, it was like involuntary impulse, but I quickly shook it off and started doing something else.
     
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  5. letciciwe

    letciciwe Fapstronaut

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    Day 2-5:
    I was in the mountains with my friends and had no time to post here, I'll try to summarize what was happening. I was mostly ok, I was surrounded with my friends and had something to do so no temptation came to my head. Only some sad thoughts came to my head when I thought about my ex but it wasn't too bothering. When I came back to my house I had a little temptation. I wanted to relax and got some beer and pizza and in moments like that PMO was often on the list too so I felt like some habit was pulling me towards doing it but I quickly realized I don't even feel horny or sth so it's just bad behavior and I just started to catch up on youtube.
    I also started watching The Bible Project on yt recommended by @Tao Jones, it's really interesting and I feel that with that knowledge I will better understand the Bible.
    I think that's all for now, today is going to be probably another busy day so I hopefully won't have to fight very hard to stay on my goal.
     
    mrtumnus and Tao Jones like this.
  6. letciciwe

    letciciwe Fapstronaut

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    Day 9:
    So far so good, not too many urges appeared in last days. Being alone isn't burdensome right now but it may be caused by one girl. I had crush on her once but she didn't return the interest so eventually I lost mine. Now I found out she recently had a crush on me. I still like her and will try to make something work. I have some doubts: isn't it too fast for me, will she be still interested, will it work? But I guess I'll try anyway.

    God bless you all!
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  7. Refined

    Refined Fapstronaut

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    I'm with u brother.. God is ur father He never lives his children if you will go back to him, He is going to help through this process. He's going to heal your heart and give strength to stand..
    God cares for you and we at nofap we also care for you.... It's time to kick p&m out of your life and live an extraordinary and unlimited life.
     
    letciciwe, mrtumnus and Tao Jones like this.
  8. letciciwe

    letciciwe Fapstronaut

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    Day 11-12:
    Up to this point it was quite easy, but now the hard part begins, today and yesterday urges were more frequent. It's also weekend and I won't be able to keep myself busy at work.
    But those are quite easy to ignore, worse part is this: I long for great intimacy, not sexual but just being close to girl I love, like having a nap next to each other. And I now this dream is good, God created us to be with other human being. But now it gets more complicated, because I start to long for even greater intimacy and I start dreaming about laying naked with that person and caress her body. This is also good as long as we were to do this after the marriage but the thought slowly becomes sinful. And the final part: imagining naked woman simply made me horny and I have the urge to PMO.
    This scheme is exactly how people describe sin: good things that devil turns to evil. I want to be with other person and it's good. But I cannot satisfy this wish right now and I have the impulse to PMO. This knowledge helps me to hold myself back but it is still really hard to do.
     
  9. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    Sounds like some James 1 would be good to meditate on. :)

    Stop the temptation when it is only a thought. Replace the lie of it with the Truth of Christ. Do this before it matures into sin. Eventually, all sin leads to death. A bad road!
     
    mrtumnus likes this.
  10. letciciwe

    letciciwe Fapstronaut

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    Eh, unfortunately day 0 again.
    I feel that I need some kind of challenge that includes more that just no PMO. I did Exodus 90 (exodus90.com) last spring and it was quite good, but we didn't form good brotherhood imo and I don't have any close friends that would be willing to take this challenge. I may start my own challenge in challenges section.
    And I prayed very little during this time. I couldn't get it into my habit, maybe it will be a part of challenge? I'll have think about it.
     

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