Keep Relapsing. Need ideas

What was your longest streak?

 

Okay. Do you suffer from PIED?

 

Do whatever it takes to remind you of that every day so that you can be motivated to focus on healing. Otherwise you'll continue with this addiction that is NOT real sex.

 

Hi LemonBob, I know exactly how you feel. Going 30 days is a big deal though. That's not a slouch record. I'm restarting after a terrible summer. I have to remind myself eventually I will get urges again. For me it's part of being alive and quite honestly, it's normal... not that I really like it.

But it's more important to understand what I do when they come. Being alone or dropping away from friends and family is going to end up in a reset. Staying connected to who I am and what I like to do will get me through. My hobbies, work and play time are the things I really want...as opposed to a quick PMO.

Good luck, IMHO, defer, deflect, find fun elsewhere.

Cheers, HF

 

Hey Lemonbob,
30 days is good! The longer and more often you can abstain the further you move towards recovery, even if you relapse.

Do you have an understanding of why you relapse? Are there certain triggers, say? I'm thinking that if you can narrow down the problem area then you can start to build a strategy for addressing it.

 

Learning how to alone when urges hit is very important.

 

How to be alone

 

True, I've been a sexual addict for a long time, I'm making progress, but being alone is truly an obstacle that i have to overcome, which sounds easy, all I have to do is stay busy, but that feels too much like running away from the problem, I want to be able to conquer the being alone, because that's were Satan attacks me, when I'm alone with my thoughts

 

I couldn't agree more.... the battle is fought between the ears. Being alone allows us time to give thought to our lives and issues. If we see the glass half full, things work better, half empty and we can wallow in self-inflicted sorrow.

 

Install blockers, get accountability partners and keep yourself busy with work hobbies etc...

 

@Lemonbob Those 30 days are something you can be proud of. I'm sure it hasn't happened a lot in your recent years! You've probably learned a ton of things about yourself and your usage during this time, notably through all the stuff that went through your head. That's good, and will be helpful! In my opinion you're like many of us here, dying to have something changed (PMO usage) without being aware that PMO is often the symptom of something bigger (namely a messy and unbalanced and unpleasant and unfruitful daily life, built on fragile foundations)

Here are some ideas to get yourself on an efficient track again. Keep the NoFap challenges up and running even if you relapse, that's a must, and the rage you feel now when you realize your repeated relapses will come to your aid. Install a blocker if you're desperate about your loss of control over P or the flow of triggers that Internet brings us daily.

Now, you've realized that P is something that you use when you feel this way and really doesn't help after the 5 seconds of bliss. Good - you're right, it's only going to make things worse (or bring you together with people who live in the same P world and chances are they have no intention/courage to come out of there).
You explicitly wrote that you don't want a life of solitude. Awesome - then start breaking this solitude that weighs on your shoulders and body and mind.

Take a step back and ponder the reasons why you might feel lonely :

• Do you live close from places you'd like to be at?
• If not, how hard do you try to get to these places you enjoy?
• What are the common/daily interactions you have with people right now? Are they meaningful to you in any way?
• If not, do you maintain them because you have to/can't break away?
• Are there people you really enjoy to hang out/do stuff with and that you could call and join anytime you want?
• If not, where do you think you could meet such people?
• Do you have in mind one or many things that you'd love to do but hold back because you'd rather not do it alone? (whatever the reason : fear, money, time, etc)
• If you do, how long have you been delaying them for, and how long do you intend to delay them for?
• How do you feel around people you don't know? Do you feel eager to know them and share stuff with them? Do you feel uneasy or even downright panicked?
• How often do you take 5 minutes to talk to someone chances are you'll never see again? Do you reckon there's something to be gained in such interactions?

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That's a lot of questions I know - And there's no need for you to write your answers anywhere around here. But take a sheet of paper and try to be brutally honest with yourself on these. When you write an answer to those, leave a space under each so you can ask "Why do I do/think this?" and "What am I going to do about it?". Those second-degree answers could take up to a couple of lines. But keep the idea simple.

Example : (Only examples taken from my own experience)

Are there people you really enjoy to hang out/do stuff with and that you could call and join anytime you want?
No, I either don't really enjoy being with them or they're too busy. Or too far. (Or they don't want to hang out with me. etc.)
Why (is that so)? Maybe I don't like them very much but they're all I have closeby and easily accessible, but they suck. (Maybe they don't have time for me. etc.)
What (am I gonna do about it)? I could meet different people with values/interests closer to mine. I could drive far to my people so I can feel linked to them.
​

This is a hard task to do honestly, because we tend (I know I did) to live on little white lies that we agree with despite knowing they're falsehoods. It takes a bit of time to have this mind routine going - Question / Answer / Why / What - but you'll get it right, and when you do get to the "what" part, your gears will grind hard I promise you. Because you'll be faced with clear simple things that you know you could do to help yourself answer an issue on one side, and on the other side the fact that you're not attempting them, thus giving the impression that you chose this situation. Faced with the feeling you're having now, and the will to break away from it, that will be all it takes to make it happen, at least get started on the small changes. Don't think things will change overnight either, we're creatures of habit and fear, and it will probably means adjusting to the small steps, understanding how it helps, what it brings, how close to your expectations it is, making adjustments again, etc. A very slow process at first, but isn't that preferable to considering a lifetime of the same situation that prompted you to post your OP?

All the best!