We use porn and masturbation to fulfill a number of needs based upon how we feel. And feelings, of course, are complex.
In the case of being tired, we use porn and masturbation to feel more energetic. What could substitute for the rush that porn, masturbation and ejaculation provide? For many of us who have been addicted for decades, porn was not a problem - porn was a solution. A solution to feeling lethargic, a solution to feeling horny, a solution to feeling lonely, a solution to feeling bored. The list goes on and on. (Credit for this thought goes to Matt Dobschuetz who does a podcast called
Porn Free Radio now for the past 7 years.)
Simple techniques such as cold showers, meditation, and exercise all are helpful and have their place. Getting rid of your smartphone, obtaining a strong porn blocker, and reading sex addiction literature are also very helpful. (Okay, I haven't gotten rid of my smartphone - yet - however that is the consequence of relapse should that happen in my own future.) But the complexity of feelings and how they are tied in with our emotions is the harder thing.
From Doug Weiss The Final Freedom p.71 Chapter: Psychological Freedom, section on 'Feelings'
This is a major part of sexual addiction recovery. During our development years, many of us did not learn to identify or communicate feelings, and yet feelings can be one of the most treacherous and dangerous areas in our early recovery. Many sex addicts at some point felt unloved, rejected or unappreciated, which put them into a difficult place if they don't know how to express their feelings. Many addicts end up medicating through a unhealthy sexual activity as a way of dealing with feelings. In any addiction, I find that feelings are something that addicts don't have much skill in fully expressing. This is just a lack of a particular skill issue. It is not a matter of a level of intelligence.
In the midst of the addiction, when the sex addict had a feeling, and didn't know what it was, when he acted out, it went away. It was a simple solution. But in recovery, he doesn't have the solution of acting out. Now he has the problem of having a feeling and not knowing what it is.
@jimmyclear first things first, I hope you've read this page called
Porn Addiction Basics and its follow-on
Rebooting from Porn Addiction as it answers a lot of questions. I wish you the best.
