I miss the times of youth when I was ignorant of life and just living without a care in the world, but when God opened my eyes everything changed. I am always depressed knowing the truth of things, almost everything is evil and ungodly, it is like in the movie "they live", once you see the truth you cannot unsee it and your reality gets flipped upside down, I take little pleasure in anything anymore because I feel it is all evil and ungodly, I feel like life has lost all meaning.
If God truly opened your eyes, then they would be open to the Truth of his goodness and activity in the world. There is far, far more good at work than evil. Evil is fighting a losing battle against the strength of the Kingdom, which cannot be stopped. If all you see is darkness, I would guess that your eyes are actually closed. If they were truly open, then you would see the Light all around you! Matthew 6 22 “Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. 23 But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!" Luke 11 34 “Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when it is unhealthy, your body is filled with darkness. 35 Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness. 36 If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.”
I think you would enjoy learning a bit about the life of Mother Theresa. As you probably know, she chose to work with the poorest of the poor in the slums of Calcutta. Everyday of her life she saw poverty, sickness, the most unsanitary and inhumane conditions from the effects of greed for power and money. Yet, she was almost always happy and it is said she had a great sense of humor. Among other things she learned to turn her concerns over to God. When she needed land and resources to build a new charity site, she turned it over to God and He provided. One of her many beautiful quotes “Profound joy of the heart is like a magnet that indicates the path of life.” The truth is, God is in charge. Where there is suffering, He brings hope. Where there is corruption He brings the righteous. It is so tempting to get pulled down by the events of today and the prevailing news, which is meant to draw us into the drama so we will keep reading/listening. Good news. News of hope and love isn't prevalent because the media hasn't found a way to draw in more viewers with it but the truth is that good news is everywhere you look for it. Equally, corrupt people, negative people and evil people are everywhere we look for them too. Fortunately, we get to choose what we want to look for. May God bless your heart with hope right now and everyday. Please pray for me. I am praying for you.
When I read your post, I thought about the hobbits in the Lord of the Rings--talking about the movies here--at the conclusion of the final movie. Sam knows the evil in the world, he's witnessed it first-hand, but he settles down and lives his life. Sam will never be the same. We're never going to be the same. We have a knowledge about world history--where it's been and where it's going--that unbelievers aren't privy to.
I certainly empathize with that. Not necessarily in that order, but I absolutely do miss my youth and the innocence it had. As for me, I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I see a psychiatrist and a therapist. If you are able, maybe seek out a therapist? I'm not saying they're miracle workers, but they can help. I'm depressed a lot myself, too. I have had days where I felt like I didn't want to be here anymore. But, I have learned there is always hope. Hope in our Lord, Christ Jesus, and hope in what He has provided us during our time on Earth. Doctors, medication, therapy. He made them for us, just like He made all that sustains us. Keep praying, brother, as I will pray for you.
I once took a cab ride with a driver who had been badly burned due to an accident. Although the conversation was many years ago, I haven't forgotten some things he said. He said that there we days in his life when the happiest moments were making his bed or shinning his shoes. He said that the pride he felt from doing a simple job well, made him happy. I have come to understand that thought and I would add that doing a simple job well, in service of someone else, such as vacuuming the carpet for my wife or scrubbing the stove, brings me joy. Perhaps this is why Mother Theresa was so happy in the midst of misery. Doing something for someone else and doing it well, fulfills God's directive that we love one another and like all of God's directives, fulfilling them brings happiness.
I understand where you are coming from and I've been thinking about this a lot lately. For me one of the hardest things about coming of age was realising that despite the discipline enacted on my generation by the adults who raised us, these same adults were also sinners. Adults could be wrong too. Parents told their children not to swear but swore themselves. Politicians lied and served their own agendas, teachers abused their authority.... from minor things to major things, adults were hypocrites and many still are. All of this was incredibly difficult for me to process. But... put yourself in the position of others who also see the darkness. They seek light. Maybe we can't light up the entire world but we can at least help to light up the world we encounter on a daily basis. In Matthew 5 Jesus says "14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." We have been given the task of being lights in this dark world. Maybe my own world is dark but at least I can be a light to others. I can show others that not everybody is corrupt. I can show them that my job can be done in an honest way. I can show them that political opinions can be shared with honesty and respect. I can show them that my time and money can be used to serve others. But I'm doing none of those to glorify myself - these are manifestations of the hope I have in God the Father and the eternal rest He promises us as a sanctuary from this corrupt world.
