Let the journey commence

I recently turned 22 and have realised i have decided enough is enough, this habit needs to be kicked out.

I began jacking off at a very young age, in the most unusual manner. As a kid I learnt that a unique sensation sparked if i rubbed my penis against my bed.. I couldn't get enough. It was like heroin, although I was too young to know about drugs all I knew was this feeling could not be topped. I would ache endlessly during the school hours, itching to come home just to satisfy my needs. I was rejected by the first girl I ever developed any real feelings for, and used this form of masturbaition to suppress my feelings. This led to be becoming emotionally withdrawn and being unable to express my feelings.

I have got attention from girls throughout my life but I would always take the easy route to deal with it, rather than pursue a healthy relationship.

I actually wined off this unorthodox method of jacking off a couple of years ago and reverted to normal masturbaition, however this did not reduce the amount of daily masturbaition.

Ive hit a brick wall in my life and get overly depressed every time I nut one, so have decided its time to call it quits for good.

 

Definatelty youre right, seeing the success stories even after months has inspired me that change is really possible. Its difficult as I have grown up with the internet and been exposed to porn from a young age, so kicking a habit of a lifetime isnt going to be easy. Believe me I have tried before, actually my new years resolution was to stop. After a week the thought crossed my mind and I felt just once wont hurt.. how wrong was I. Ive been nutting endlessly since that abstinence and have fallen down the deep abyss of depression once again. Its all about re-wiring your brain and conditioning yourself over time to enjoy normal things... once this happens these small things will become so enjoyable that you will wonder why the hell you even used to look at this pretence crap!

 

Day 1 and already gave in this is going to be hard... Its the periods of loneliness which get me...

 

So i relapsed on Tuesday... Started over again and yesterday I was just too weak to do anything... Now day 2 has come the urge has kicked back in and the struggle continues... Either mobbed with depressive thoughts of rumination or that urge in the back of my head to do it..

 

Made it to day 3. Funnily enough I feel much more energised today, yet I will not let that deceive me as relapse tends to occur when I seem to get the slightest bit of energy back. Yesterday was difficult as I was doing university work on my laptop pretty much all day, so the urges were creeping through.. yet I somehow managed to plough through... And I am glad I did, else I would still be lying in bed right now drowned depression.
Today is a lecture-packed day for me at university so it gives me a much needed distraction so fingers crossed I make it to day 4 tomorrow!

 

Day 3 wasnt too bad... My busy schedule of lectures allowed me to take my mind off PMO, allowing me to feel optimistic about the day. Yet, lethargy kicked in around 10am, three hours after waking, making my day an unberable drag.

By the time I got back home I was tiresome, laying on my bed watching TV for a good 3 hours.. Yes the urges did cross my mind but I used mind over body to keep my hands apart away from my downstairs. A friend invited me up to her flat for a few drinks.. I find real social interaction is a pleasant distraction from PMO .

I woke up today with a negative mindset, but quickly took the mindset of 'It could be worse'. If I had given into PMO and woke up this morning my state of mind would be ten times worse. So No matter how bad I feel now, it isnt anywhere near as bad as I would typically feel after waking up from a PMO session. I plan to go for a jog to take out all this trapped energy, followed by shopping before I attempt a gruelling few hours in front of my laptop doing dissertation work.

Have a good day people and take it a day at a time!

 

Hello NoFap Dan,

Thanks for the motivation buddy!

I noticed that you have been able to go weeks without PMO, so I was wandering how you managed to give in after such streaks.
The problem with me is, after going on a 7 day streak I will think it will be OK to nut off just once, as its considered " natural" not to keep the frustration in. Unfortunately one nut leads to another and ill be going at it like a monkey until all the life is sucked out of me!
I myself haven't gone more than 7 days so setting a barrier of a 30 day challenge is pretty high, yet I have decided to take it one day at a time rather than view the task as mountainous.

I read in your post that you have troubles when surfing the internet too, and you are right. There is so much more to explore on the internet than a quick fix of porn to the brain.

I am currently a final year undergraduate Psychology student and my thesis is based on an Evolutionary Psychology. More specifically, we are doing an experiment to see whether dominant personality types in males can be predicted by body formidability, i.e. upper body strength and also facial masculinity. Feel free to drop me a private message if you are more interested .
I notice you are a student yourself, what are you studying if you don't mind me asking?

 

I suppose you have a point,I guess there really is no point of beating yourself up about it. Im sure you know even after three weeks the urge doesnt miraculously disappear, so its rather more about monitoring progress in comparison to how frequent it used to be.

And thanks, medicine is a great field also! Best of luck with your studies!

 

Ahhh the urge just creeps up on you out of nowhere! First time I've really had this feeling all day!Im going to be a man and rise above it though, by distracting myself with some cooking

 

So yesterday was unsuccesful... I gave in, not to porn.. But to chat sites.. I thought I could cheat by going on chat sites ( which has also been a problem for me) instead of porn, which eventually led to me exploding after a few intimate conversations. I have decided to lower my target barrier as I believe 30 days is a mammoth of a task in one go and I shall set smaller goals. I am hoping to complete a full week without looking at porn, which I am still on course to do.. Also, I need this short term goal of 2 days for MO as I know its a realistic goal and I will feel more confident if I do not MO once again straight away after this recent relapse.

Mind fog has crept back and lethagy has increased so its vital I dont completely pack in today

 

To William: The TED link was very insightful, knowing exactly what is going on in the neural pathways in your brain has made me more conscious of these sexual urges. To all you reading my posts, I urge you to watch it! I do agree with the notion that actually embracing the mental 'pain' of not giving into the cravings is a smart way to tackle the problem. After all, it is all about how you perceive the addiction. Yet, at this moment it feels as days are weeks and never-ending.

I have now installed porn blockers and turned on a safe search to give me that extra help.
I am happy to say I have got through today up until this point without reseting, as I was extremely worried it may have turned into a binge.

To NoFapDan: Totally agree with you, our brains aren't designed to receive so much sexual stimulus... So the amount of joy we get from these clips/shows decreases and we need to seek more novel and even aggressive forms to satisfy that need and get that 'hit'.

Hopefully we all can have a successful week, I have envisioned the state I want to be in this time on Friday;
-Not laying in my bed feeling weak, hopeless and in despair
-Having even a fraction more energy than today, which will allow me to go to the gym, attending lectures and meetings and meet with friends
-Have less of a mental cloud

Obviously there wont be drastic changes by the end of the week but it is important to notice any sort of progression. I urge you guys to visualise short term too!

 

Withdrawals have been pretty bad today.. Having major urges to go on chat sites, yet I have stayed away. Must get through the rough before I start seeing improvements.

 

Day 7 without PMO: Almost there! The last couple of days have been pretty tough, I woke up in a bad mood today, feeling out of sync and absent minded, yet I am still ploughing on. Luckily I have a lot of revision to catch up with so hopefully will keep me busy enough, but I am struggling as my energy levels and mood are extremely low.

 

Day 8 No PMO: Made it past the 7 day mark! Last night I had the first intense dream that I have had in a while, me getting my university grades back and not getting what I wanted, due to lack of effort. Instead of letting this dream wear me down I had the mindset that it may be a wake up call and something needs to be done.

Today I feel slightly more energised, but this is the issue, as soon as I feel I have a bit of energy, relapse tends to usually occur because my brain starts thinking its "fixed" and one more PMO wont harm me.

This is going to be a tough task mediating my energy but I will give it my all.