Let's Talk About Rape

I want to apologise for the extremity of the "skewers" thing ... it was not my finest moment. But we must accept what we have done to move past it, I believe, so...

Anyhow, if I may, I would like to add one more thing that may help to fuel change within. It is the future. Over the years, I have been very ashamed of my pornography addiction, and I have spent countless hours in a lust-filled haze, letting all other priorities in life slide. But this has not been enough to stop me. What is helping me more now, I find, is a vision of a compulsion-free future. I am no longer running from the addiction. I am running to a better, more wholesome, more fulfilling life.

I wonder whether this incentive is an age-related thing. I probably have less life to live than a younger person, and I have failed to control myself over a period of more than two decades. There is no more "Well, I will do it next month" or "If I fail, there is always another day" ... the days don't go on forever. I should try to make the days that remain into good ones, should I not?

 

Proved a point. Vanilla porn is no better than extreme porn, at least for an addict. If an addict had self control, he or she would not be addicted. Porn use esculates.

 

@zathura I liked your answer to my last post and I accept your point of view. Congratulations on 20 days clean btw, go on!

In my history of porn use there are two players. One is me or my brain and the other are the porn sites and the production behind. My decisions and what I like are manipulated by the industry, but they never forced me to do something. I make decisions on my own account. For example I go back to certain sites and to certain videos.
But today I'm addicted. As I see it, both "players" are partially responsible for that.

Do I watch rape porn? I don't think so. But I think what I watch sometimes is really on the edge to it. The key words are novelty and objectification.
Novelty: I want to see new things. I think the credo is "more of it!" or "better ones!" and the implications are different for every one of us.
Objectification starts in the porn studio and ends in my head. Objectification might be a "normal" treat of society. But for me personally it's just wrong what's going on in my head sometimes.

For example, I'll watch a bondage video not because of the bondage but because I like how the woman looks like in that position and how sex looks like in that position. I just don't care about bondage.
I think the scandal is the condoning. I use it, I get used to it, I don't care. Fetishists that do real bondage are probably more caring people than porn addicts (I guess).
Vanilla porn or "fucked up porn"? I watch both, bc I'm an addict. I need to see certain features, certain faces, certain combinations. I need to click on things. But I'm still responsible for not caring.

Long time I asked myself "what will my sex life and my fantasy be like when I've quit porn?" and I wondered how to recover without becoming nearly asexual. Today I say: it's about my brain and my imagination. It's crucial to avoid porn and subs but it's also necessary to change thinking. The truth is I don't need porn to PMO anymore. My worst form of PMO is which my brain likes most, I need unblocked highspeed internet for it. But I can also use a fashion magazine or just my imagination to PMO. My fantasy is infected by porn. Without I would be no saint either, no doubt. But the objectification goes too far. We're desensitized, so part of recovery is to re-sensitize.

There's a TED-talk with some guy who says he's quit porn but also advocates a more responsible consumption of porn. That's probably a good thing to do, but for me just no option. I have to quit it. At the same time I can change my fantasy, my way of thinking, voluntarily. Neuroplasticity! We should use it.

But the shame and self-loathing is an effect of the addiction. Good incentives are things like "be a better version of yourself" or "you'll have more energy" or "you'll be more attractive".
A negative self-image just holds you back. It's part of the problem.
And all the strong emotion aren't really part of the solution, I believe. But that doesn't mean you can't have them.

Part of the discussion is also (re)taking responsibility. I welcome that. I've been very egoistic. I sat in my room, I didn't care for the world anymore and PMO'd. I'm still egoistically, because I fight my addiction for my own sake. So make me responsible again! I welcome it.

 

I'm glad to see a woman saying it plainly. Little girls are sexualized objects from the moment they're born. Look at Donald Trump's comments about his infant daughter's vagina and his comments about wanting to screw and date his own daughter. In fact, he's being taken to court over raping a child, a FEMALE child.

Most girls are sexually preyed upon by the time they're 12 years old by grown men. We are not seen as human but sexual toys that have no emotion, that can be abused and tortured for some dude's pleasure.

I'm about to get graphic b/c I feel it's the only way:

The end result is women never ever realizing their potential as human beings who are just as capable as any man and can contribute. Our female humanity is tossed right in the trash because of some guy's erection. Grown men will spend thousands of dollars to travel to the poorest nations in the world to pay to rape females, from 5 yrs old to grown women. These grown men from Western countries know of the poverty and exploit it. They go online in Western countries looking for teenage girls to rape. Look at all the Youtube videos of 'pedophile hunters' and watch them shoot fish in a barrel. Society is misogynist, there's no doubt, but this requires a man to ACT to take place. It requires him to not give a flying fig about destroying other people's lives because in his mind, his boner is the only thing in the world that matters.

This is what pornography and prostitution are all about. Impoverished women needing to feed/clothe/house themselves and their children at the expense of some guy's erection that he bought from a high priced doctor a la boner medicine. His idea of a good time is destroying a female human being's vagina and anus, destroying her psychologically because HIS MIGHTY ERECTION must be satisfied. So what if she cries in pain and bleeds? HIS ERECTION is the only damn thing that matters on planet earth.

We have a generation of young girls, starting when they're 5 years old being taken into the boy's bathrooms and urinated on and violated. The boys either found the porn themselves or some lovely father was watching it and the boy found it or was even showed it by dear old dad.

I'm sick of watching girls lives get destroyed, while all females live like automatons, terrified of men. The culture may have several diff types of food but I don't have to eat every single type of food put in front of me. Everyone has a choice.

 

I hope your trolling, Canadian Blue? Most guys are not what you describe and they are not doing what you describe! Women molest children too it just doesn't get reported as much, that being said it's not the norm for men or women and it's an extreme sickness and a very serious crime.

Society is sick and in a way both men and women are under attack. That being said I don't think you should undervalue men. Looking at statistics families raised by a father are less likely to have children who are criminals, rapists, to catch STDS, etc. There are some bad parent's out there for sure, and bad people as well. That being said I don't think you should hate an entire gender. You will find your own gender will let you down as well, and that they are full of awful people as well.

 

Females are the primary sex under attack. If you can't admit that then I don't even know why men even want to quit watching male sexual violence against females in the first place. That's why men doing sexually violent things to females is the theme of the entire pornography industry. It's about male dominance and female submission. That's a fact. Statistics bear this out. Also, women's and girls lives and their experiences bear this out. Ask a room full of females the first time they were sexually violated. Most will say in their youth by grown men.

I will not apologize for stating the reality of women's and girls lives, especially on a post about RAPE of women, which happens much too often and destroys women's and girls lives.

I'm blunt because I'm a wake up call. Apparently you missed the part about little boys urinating on little girls in public school bathrooms? Shall I start linking the violence done to females all over the world? Do I have to become Captain Obvious?

 

PSA: How to use this Forum

1. Recognize the trolls
2. Don't feed the trolls
3. Use the Ignore button to ignore the trolls

 

I don't think that she's trolling, and I largely agree with her as well. What she is attacking is not a gender, nor is it individual people. It is the structure and the system that enables these things to go on, with a nod-and-a-wink, while pretending to give a damn about women.

Let us review some instructive cases.

Just this year, there was an American college student who raped a passed-out-drunk woman in an alley and only got brought up to court because two Swedish cyclists happened to be passing by and stopped him. This college student still sees absolutely nothing wrong with what he did, and there are enormous numbers of "mens rights" assholes on the internet and in real life who will tell you that the rape was "just a little fun" or something that is "normal" about college. It is socially fine to "get some" at certain parties, and who gives a damn about the woman?

A year or two ago, a high-school cheerleader was censured for failing to cheer on her rapist, who was some kind of local-star athlete. People were very distressed at this because how could she try and make a spectacle by not cheering when that is her "job"? I would say, how the fuck did we as a society decide that a woman's human dignity must be trampled on by forcing her to do these things at such a terrible cost to her self?

There is a program on television called "Honey Boo Boo" and it is popular. There are other similar programs as well. If you are going to tell me that it does not have the aim of sexualising prepubescent girls, then you can blow it out your ear. You would have better luck trying to convince me that "beauty pageants" are all about "inner talent" rather than how fuckable a woman appears to be!

These are not "exceptional" cases. Do your homework and you will find many many more. Or just speak to a lawyer or social worker to hear about the horrors that society turns a blind eye to.

As I have grown older, I have witnessed the world becoming more and more sexualised. Did this stuff happen in the past? Certainly. Sex "tourism" (which @CanadianBlue describes well!) has been around for ages. But the brazen way in which it is actually ENCOURAGED these days is insane to me. In my time, if you got caught doing such a thing or even asking about such a thing, you would be immediately ostracized. Now you can go online and find a dozen places easily where people will swap "advice" on these things. It is disgusting, and @CanadianBlue is absolutely correct, little children are picking up on it and doing these things nowadays.

I think that, in the interest of civil discourse, you don't have to agree with @CanadianBlue. But it is a few steps too far to claim that these things don't happen, or that they're not being supported by systems of inequity and prejudice, or that they're not becoming more "socially acceptable", or that @CanadianBlue must somehow "hate" all men. Not every post must be responded to if you do not agree with it. And if you must post, and you do not agree with her, please disagree respectfully.

 

@IGY, to which I would say that even a stopped clock is right twice a day. These two posts seem fine to me. I have not looked at all of her posts.

If we will judge peoples posts before even reading them because of our preconceptions of the person, then we might as well just put the person on "ignore" and go on with our day - there is no need to read or reply.

Edit: in the interest of doing my homework, I have looked at some more of her posts. Her viewpoint is slightly more extreme than mine ... perhaps with age, I have mellowed? However, for comparison, @IGY's views for example (which I also saw on a thread) are MUCH more extreme than mine and I am of the opinion that they venture into misogyny and "mansplaining". So there is that!

 

Your talking about anecdotal incidents like it is meaningful, Dendrite. How about women who cut off penises and nothing gets done about it or all these female teachers having sex with and molesting their students and getting far less punishment than a man would? People do get away with sex crimes, but it seems the courts are much more lenient with women when it comes to sex crimes. South Park did a whole episode based on women getting away with sex with minors and that episode spewed some popular memes which you have probably seen. They usually have the word "nice" in them.

I've never watched "honey boo boo" but isn't it about some fat family?

Obviously, the world is becoming more sexualized. This has been going on since at least the sixties. Remember the bra burning, the sexual revolution, when women were being oppressed by suffocating sexist Christian morals..

As far as sex tourism goes the stuff I've heard about recently is women going to Africa and Jamaica to hook up with guys. I think they call it renting a dread in Jamaica.

Canadianblue is talking crazy hatred and making ridiculous claims about the group she is hating, and you should not be encouraging her. I understand people get hurt and people like to blame a particular group for all their problems. It's much easier when so and so is responsible for all the evil in the world and the world would be so much better without " insert hated group here". I don't want to condemn her I understand how people can get so full of hate, but rather encourage her and help her to get over this hatred and awful blindness.




You know who is oppressed? Not you! Those people your nation bombs, who's children get killed, whose cities and nations get destroyed, who's land gets poisoned, those people you call terrorists. They are oppressed. You are not oppressed.

 

Sex evolved from a very dark place. Read the book "Sex and War" sometime, it's a real eye opener.
Feelings of aggression towards women are tied up with the sex drive. This comes from evolution. Many women are turned on by men who are sexually aggressive in some way. I have seen it in my own life: behave like a gentleman and get nowhere. Start being a dick and all of a sudden you get laid.

Rape is a fantasy of many women, whether they will admit it publicly or not. Why do you think 50 Shades of Grey was so immensely popular? It tapped directly into women's sexual fantasies of being sexually dominated by a powerful man. Read the book "Women's Sexual Fantasies". Numerous letters from women describe fantasies of being raped.

Personally, I knew a girl who was raped when she was 22. Want to know something? And this is 100% truth: she told me she liked it. She was raped by two men in Italy. The violence, she said she hated, but she said the sex really turned her on. She went to rape therapy where she sat in with other women in group counseling sessions. She said she struggled internally with her feelings for a long time.

So my point is this: sex is messed up. Don't blame yourself for your choices like you're the worst person ever. As a human being you have inherited a dark history which you had no choice of inheriting. Your responsibility is to become aware of the instincts which you have inherited, and manage those instincts in a way that results in positive good for yourself and for your fellow human beings.

 

Damn how the shit escalates, I know nofap is for life because I just don't want to escalate.
@IGY I agree with you, it smells like misandry.
Gender hate was never the solution, mspants was empathic and understood how OP escalated to this.
Everyone has to participate, patriarchy or matriarchy are no solutions.
Sex wars will lead us to absolutely nothing.

 

Well said.
Trolls are trolls, they relentlessly push those buttons and escalation gives them attentions.

Don't feed the trolls, use the ignore function.

 

"Mansplaining is a sexist term designed to silence men via gender shaming." - Markus Persson, creator of Minecraft

 

Mansplaining is a portmanteau of the words man and explaining,defined as "to explain something to someone, typically a man to woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing."[1][2] Lily Rothman of The Atlanticdefines it as "explaining without regard to the fact that the explainee knows more than the explainer, often done by a man to a woman,"[3]and feminist author and essayist Rebecca Solnit ascribes the phenomenon to a combination of "overconfidence and cluelessness."[4]

Due to its gender-specific reference to "man", this term has been referred to by some critics as inherently sexist.[5][6][7][8]
Some argument to destabilize you.
Ultra-feminist argument?